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someone help me please..kinda long but plzzz

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:53 AM
  • 29 Replies
Okay...its a long story so lets start from the beginning..

When I was 19 I had been in a long distance relationship for over a year and a half with my daughters father. eventually I moved from NC to my original home state of Georgia to be closer to him. Things weren't working out for me down there for a number of reasons so I decided I would move back to NC. Once I moved back we tried to continue the relationship but that failed terribly (lack of communication basically)..to top things off I found I was pregnant and did not get the response I expected. Instead of taking responsibility he freaked out and panicked. We argued about it and decided we would have nothing else to do with eachother and what I did with my pregnancy was my business..we fell out of contact after that..fast forward...

I went thru my pregnancy alone and raised her until she was about 6 months by myself..by this time I had attempted to contact him but his number didn't work so I reached out to his mother who basically told me to screw myself and his father who has been nothing but supportive to this day..eventually he added me on Facebook telling me his phone had been stolen and the number he had for me didn't work. He claims he didn't know I kept the baby but would like to make things better..we talked about reconciling and him moving to NC this time...then we fell out of communication again..so I gave up on him..thinking he was up to his same shenanigans.

I'm now 23 and out of frustration and loneliness I moved on to a really good guy. He accepted my daughter and things moved really fast..we've been together going on 4 months..he is a really great guy, he's nice, he provides what he can, my family loves him, he works hard and possesses a lot of great qualities..now the problem is my ex has come back again. He seems to have really changed and was doing a lot better as far as supporting me and his daughter, wanting to build a relationship with her. This time his reasoning was he lost his job and couldn't keep his phone on. But now that he's back stable he would like to pick up where we left off..

Now here's the issue..I like my new boyfriend and think I love him but I do love my ex. Given we had our ups and downs I ask enjoyed him and what we had. He does seem to be making a conscious effort to be there again and change for the better but I feel like I've gotten in over my head with my current guy and as good of a guy he is, I find myself wanting to distance myself from him. I don't want to do that but I cant help it...i'm focusing on everything I don't like about him instead of what I do like..I don't want to be affectionate with him anymore or anything. I feel like I could be thinking with my heart and not my head. I simply don't know what to do. Should I stop being ridiculous and buckle down and stay with my current guy or try to work it out with my daughters father? Someone please help me....
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
WhitneyRawks
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:58 AM
5 moms liked this

A leopard never changes its spots. Sounds like the current guy is a much better, realistic option. The "sperm donor" will just up and leave you again when things aren't in a perfect condition. Don't fall for that bullshit.hugs

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:01 AM
1 mom liked this
This. He has already shown u he will run at first sign of trouble


Quoting WhitneyRawks:

A leopard never changes its spots. Sounds like the current guy is a much better, realistic option. The "sperm donor" will just up and leave you again when things aren't in a perfect condition. Don't fall for that bullshit.hugs


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kyndiesmommy
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:05 AM
1 mom liked this
Your daughters father has proved to you that he isn't ready. I think if you go back to him he will just do the same thing and you will regret ruining something good. In the end you are probably going to choose the ex and learn for yourself. Only you can make decisions like that.
StephanAndCoral
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:06 AM


Quoting WhitneyRawks:

A leopard never changes its spots. Sounds like the current guy is a much better, realistic option. The "sperm donor" will just up and leave you again when things aren't in a perfect condition. Don't fall for that bullshit.hugs

BekahBrownEyes
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:07 AM
I think you need to all yourself what you really, truly love about old bf. Do you just love the idea of what you could be with him? He heads shown time after time that he is selfish and immature. Do you really want that in your life AGAIN?
beadingmom17
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:12 AM
3 moms liked this
I'm going with everyone else on this...I've seen it time and time again (on here and with my friends in real life). They keep taking back the loser until they finally wise up. I've also learned that they rarely listen to anyone else. If the new guy is bugging you, maybe it's time to drop the idea of a boyfriend for now and just enjoy time with your daughter.
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Momofmenagerie
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:12 AM
He didn't change. He will be unstable again...if he's popping up again, a little birdie told him you had moved on. Stay with this " good guy ", unless your ex wants to be responsible monetarily for your daughter , Skype or call her... Visitation even, then he just wants you guys back because he heard there was competition. Stay with the good guy and allow the " father" to contact his child, but exes should stay exes.
paintitblack0
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:16 AM

Stay with current guy..that simple. 

happybooklady
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:18 AM
3 moms liked this

I think it's clear you've already made up your mind that your child's father is not out of your system and you still want to prove you can win this thing with him and he's not a complete loser. If you didn't already make up your mind, you wouldn't be looking for someone to talk you out of what you already know is a bad decision for your child and you.

But go ahead and learn this one the hard way. You will spare yourself the "what if"s.

If I were in your situation, I'd probably be equally foolish. In fact, I was. I give women the advice I wish someone had given me:

If he didn't want to be a father and he's so unreliable that parenting is an optional thing of convenience, don't ever bother him again. Just take the baby and live your life. Don't push him to have visitation, don't ask him for child support, don't ever call or update him. Let him fall off the face of the earth. All he'll be is trouble, even if there are moments when he's nice, it'll lead to trouble. Just wait until things don't work out between you and he has another woman who thinks she can be a better mommy than you. Just wait until his mom - who clearly is not impressed with you or your child - decides she's going to be grandma and wants to dictate how things are going to be. Just wait until someone decides to start filing petitions in the court.

Let him fall off the face of the earth. If his name is not on the birth certificate, get rid of him and move on.

But I know you're going to dump the good guy for this guy so you can learn the hard way. Too many of us have to learn things the hard way. Good luck. I really, honestly hope you do have a happily ever after and I'm proven some jaded internet idiot.

BlessedMommy312
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Stay with the good Guy. This may be your chance to wise up! And finally kick your ex to the curb for good. Let this relationship blossom if it will because you may regret it if you choose your ex again.let him be in his child's life but not your's. You already know what the outcome of you and your ex's relationship will be. But you wont ever know what you could of had with this new Guy. how happy you and your family could of been and all the hurt you could not have felt just by not going back to your this good guy. He is not a canged person he just found out you were with some one else and is just competing to get you back. See sweetie its a game and he has cards to play. Those cards are his kids and your history with each other and all the good times you guys had and how much he knows you. Those are the cards he is playing. But if you give in you'll loose this good guy,, and everything you might of had with him is lost forever or you could be on your own just you and your kids. Either way its a better outcome than being with your ex.. Once your ex has you he'll run again. Your kids don't need that in their life. They need daddy time scheduled so he can't run out again. Kids need stability in there relationships with there parents or gardians. You deserve to be happy and your ex can't make you truly happy. Show him he dont know you to well. Show him your the changed person. Especially if you don't go back to him.
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