Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

What do I do? Leave? How?

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 8:17 PM
  • 31 Replies
I'm learning that dh will forever continue to be untrustworthy and it's killing me inside. I've forgiven him time after time, he promises change, we seek help then we press repeat. Over and over. The bible says, "God hates divorce"...and a lot of the time, that's been the only thing keeping me from leaving. I feel like I'm breaking down inside and don't know what to do.

I love him so much. He's been my best friend since we were teens. I don't want my kids to come from a broken home. I can't keep doing this tho.

For example, I found out he's been using his credit card to go out to eat at his lunch break almost daily (even tho I make him dinner to take), and has racked up $600 in debt because of it. Even when he's caught he lies about it.

I get so mad & so hurt, yet I'm always the one that goes to him saying lets talk about this, how can we help you? I don't feel like our relationship is even healthy. Do I leave? How do I leave? I'm a stay at home mom with 3 little kids. We don't have a savings, I don't have a job. I don't want to be divorced. I want to help him....but does he need help, or is he simlpy a jerk? What do I do???
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 8:17 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
GOBryan
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 8:22 PM
2 moms liked this

You are giving him license to disrespect you. Forget the bible. The bible was written by ancient men in ancient times where women didn't even matter. It has nothing to go with God. I'm sure God doesn't like the lies, cheating and disrespect more than divorce. You're being stupid if you're sticking around because of that reason and expecting him to change. 

You don't have a job? Get a job. 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing every time and expecting different results. Won't happen. 

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 8:23 PM

Where does the bible say that god hates divorce?  I would like to see the exact book/chapter.     It sounds like he is an impulsive spender or has to keep up appearances at work.  I would wonder what else has been going on that i do not know about.   Does he get the bills paid on time and make sure the children have food?

luvemboth
by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 8:28 PM
Malachi 2:16. I'm pretty sure it says it at least once more somewhere else...I'll have to find it (I think it's in Matthew)

We get the bills paid, although just barely most of the time. He is a good dad though and always makes sure the kids have what they need.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Where does the bible say that god hates divorce?  I would like to see the exact book/chapter.     It sounds like he is an impulsive spender or has to keep up appearances at work.  I would wonder what else has been going on that i do not know about.   Does he get the bills paid on time and make sure the children have food?



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
luvemboth
by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 8:32 PM
I'm all for getting a job, but I don't know how I'd be able to cover the cost of childcare for 3 & rent (let alone anything else)


Quoting GOBryan:

You are giving him license to disrespect you. Forget the bible. The bible was written by ancient men in ancient times where women didn't even matter. It has nothing to go with God. I'm sure God doesn't like the lies, cheating and disrespect more than divorce. You're being stupid if you're sticking around because of that reason and expecting him to change. 

You don't have a job? Get a job. 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing every time and expecting different results. Won't happen. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 8:36 PM
1 mom liked this

If you go to church perhaps ask for guidance through there.   My parents were divorced but for different reasons.  They did better raising up separate than together.  You can also talk to dept of social services for guidance on this topic of separating as well.


Quoting luvemboth:

Malachi 2:16. I'm pretty sure it says it at least once more somewhere else...I'll have to find it (I think it's in Matthew)

We get the bills paid, although just barely most of the time. He is a good dad though and always makes sure the kids have what they need.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Where does the bible say that god hates divorce?  I would like to see the exact book/chapter.     It sounds like he is an impulsive spender or has to keep up appearances at work.  I would wonder what else has been going on that i do not know about.   Does he get the bills paid on time and make sure the children have food?





GOBryan
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 8:36 PM
1 mom liked this

There are women in your situation. Find someone that can help you with the kids and vice versa. Maybe one can work in the daytime and the other later on and you two can switch off watching the kids.  

Try to find a support group and that's likely where you'll be able to find the help, not to mention public assistance on some kind. 

I assure you there's others going through the same and if you help eachother, you'll get out of the situation and start fresh. 

Quoting luvemboth:

I'm all for getting a job, but I don't know how I'd be able to cover the cost of childcare for 3 & rent (let alone anything else)


Quoting GOBryan:

You are giving him license to disrespect you. Forget the bible. The bible was written by ancient men in ancient times where women didn't even matter. It has nothing to go with God. I'm sure God doesn't like the lies, cheating and disrespect more than divorce. You're being stupid if you're sticking around because of that reason and expecting him to change. 

You don't have a job? Get a job. 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing every time and expecting different results. Won't happen. 



SewingMamaLele
by Bronze Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:38 PM
Is that the worst of it? Lying about buying dinner? I understand the money adds up and the lying is the issue...but some perspective would be that there are far worse things he could be doing.

Have you gone to counseling together? Has he ever explained why he feels the need to lie?
luvemboth
by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:53 PM
That's not the worst of it. He cheated twice (didnt sleep around, but still cheating in my book), and I'm finding out he's a chronic liar...with big and little things. I have 0 trust for him. We've done marriage counseling, he's done individual counseling. Things will seem great for a while, then I'll find out about a lie...I feel like I have to constantly check his tracks, and it's stressful & tiring. I've asked him why he feels the need to lie & his response is always "I dunno. I've just been doing it for so long." (Basically most his life, although I didn't find out about any of it until well into our marriage)


Quoting SewingMamaLele:

Is that the worst of it? Lying about buying dinner? I understand the money adds up and the lying is the issue...but some perspective would be that there are far worse things he could be doing.



Have you gone to counseling together? Has he ever explained why he feels the need to lie?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
2lilmamas
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 11:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Try to find a job. I know its may not be easy but try to find your way. No need to be unhappy. I see your kids are very important but you also deserve some peace of mind.
luvemboth
by Silver Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 8:56 AM
You're right, thank you


Quoting 2lilmamas:

Try to find a job. I know its may not be easy but try to find your way. No need to be unhappy. I see your kids are very important but you also deserve some peace of mind.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)