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How to handle this situation with friend's kids

Posted by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 1:52 AM
  • 11 Replies

Made a new friend in January and we have gotten together a few times for a mom's reading group and also together with our kiddos but the couple times we have gotten together with our kiddos, my kids didn't like hers and I didn't like the way her kids behave.  The first time my boys saw her boys hurting their little sister, this most recent time we were on a hike with another friend and her kiddos and it was supposed to be a nature hike to observe nature, (so kind of quiet) and her boys were running ahead, chasing and stepping on lizard's tails to try and catch them, and she had to keep calling for her boys to wait for the rest of the group and not climb too high. I have boys too and I understand the urge to climb and be independent but my DH & I have taught our boys to respect nature, leave it as undisturbed as possible and that includes whatever you find in their habitat.  We are planning future hikes together as a group where we alternate who is in charge of picking the spot and laying down any rules so I will have my turn to put my rules in place but what do I do if they are ignored like I imagine they will be?  I am not good at confrontations and I like her, just not the way her kids behave. Any suggestions?

by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 1:52 AM
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AmiJanell
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 2:03 AM
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I set the rules for my children and they are expected to follow the rules no matter who we are with.... If other parents allow their kids to be obnoxious brats its something we talk about later as a family explain why we have the rules we do.
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 2:19 AM
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Do you have a rope or something of that sort that everyone must hold on to while on the hike?  If someone lets go and wanders off the whole group stops for a 3 min time out which for the others becomes very tedious of course.   You can do this with children or children and adults holding on to the rope or similar medium.  When they are finally able to listen the rope can be used for those who are not listening.  One way to set it up is from youngest to oldest to help prevent the older ones picking at the youngest group members.

atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 8:30 AM
I never disciplined other kids, only my own. Setting rules for her kids is likely to not work and your friend is likely to not like it if you do.
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Bmat
by Barb on Jun. 22, 2013 at 8:56 AM
1 mom liked this

I'd enforce the rules for my own children and talk with the friend about why we have the rules. If her children can't get along with yours, perhaps you and she could meet for coffee or dinner without the children.

alaskagirl1978
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 9:42 AM

I HAVE A FRIEND WITH 2 GIRLS WHO ARE 7 & 9 AND I HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD BOY WHO IS A VERY SWEET & KIND AND VERY LOVING CHILD , WELL MY FRIEND AND HER KID'S SOMETIMES GO PLACES WITH US OR COME TO OUR HOME BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO LIKE THE 9 YEAR OLD WHAT SO EVER SHE TALKS BACK TO ME IN MY OWN HOME AND TRY'S TO KICK MY SON OUT OF HIS OWN ROOM & JUST ACTS SO CRAPPY AND I'M NOT ONE TO EVER TALK ABOUT A CHILD LIKE THIS , MY FRIEND IT'S LIKE SHE JUST'S LET'S IT HAPPEN AND DOESN'T CARE THAT OTHERS AROUND HER ARE GETTING PISSED OFF OR SHE WILL BLAME THE HER HUSBAND FOR THE WAY HER DAUGHTER ACT'S AND IT DRIVES ME NUT'S BECAUSE SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE SAID AND DONE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING ,THE POINT I'M MAKING IS YOU NEED TO TALK TO THE MOM ONE ON ONE AND LET HER NO HOW YOU ARE FEELING , CAUSE THAT WAS THE PART I DIDN'T DO AND I BLEW UP ONE DAY AT MY FRIEND'S CHILD & AT THE TIME I DIDN'T CARE ONE BIT I EVEN WENT AS FAR AS TELLING THEM THEY HAD TO LEAVE MY HOME I COULDN'T TAKE THE STRESS OF AN 9 YEAR OLD BRAT WHO THINKS SHE COULD WALK ON ME AND DO THE THINGS SHE WAS DOING TO MY SON OR MY HOUSE . SO TRY AND HAVE A TALK AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK THEN I THINK IT WOULD BE TIME TO CUT TIE'S FOR A WHILE , WHEN YOU GO & DO OUT DOOR FUN STUFF YOU SHOULD BE HAVING FUN AND  ENJOYING YOURSELF NOT WORRING ABOUT WHAT HER KIDS ARE DOING AND IF SHE IS THAT DUMB TO LET IT KEEP GOING ON SHE WILL FIND OUT THE HARD WAY BUY SOMEONE WHO IS BLUNT AND MEAN LOL.

momto3boys85
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 6:54 PM

How old are her kids? Are any of them with a learning or behavior disability? These play some role in their behaviors, I mean I teach my kids to behave too, but their 7, 5 and 3 so yeah they still act up sometimes and don't listen to everything I tell them. I would never tell another parent how to discipline their children or discpline someone elses children, it will only cause a confrontation, but since this is a group outing I would make a group meeting and just let parents know ahead of time that kids that can't follow the rules will not be invited back to future hikes, activities and make sure you stick to your word if her kids don't follow the rules.  

comptonkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 7:13 PM
hmm
while I agree that lots of noise and trying to hurt the animals is not okay, I am the mom who will let her kids run and climb

you are there to have fun, your idea of fun while hiking may not be the same as someone else

if it's a group thing, there needs to be clear expectations of what is to be expected from all the members from the get go
SmtmsAlwys
by Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 10:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Honestly? Just stop doing things with her. Nothing will change. She's never going to parent the way you think she should and her kids' behavior may rub off on yours or her children may hurt yours. Yes, it sucks but you really need to find a new friend with similar values.

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paintitblack0
by Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 11:50 PM

Other moms had great Advice. Set same rules for her kids. You can ask if she needs help or advice. Deal with..she may welcome it

Olivia48
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:36 AM

I know that all kids are not perfect and their parents do things differently than you and I would. I don't evny you at all. But not telling her how you feel will just fester and cause more difficult problems. Take a person with you and go easy on her and get things off of your chest. Explain to her that this is not how it should be and if she blows up then you need a new friend anyway.

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