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My dreams are affecting my relationship with hubby

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:10 PM
  • 13 Replies
Everynight for awhile now I have been having this dream, it's a different scenario but the same concept. I dream that My husband decides he does not want me anymore, and that he does not love me. He will be packing his things and getting ready to leave me and I just hysterically beg him and ask why, and what did I do wrong. Anyhow, They are so vivid and so frequent, and it feels so real that when I awake I expect to be alone and am surpised that hes still in our bed with me. These dreams are just dreams, I know. But.. They are really started to effect my everyday life and relationship with him. I constantly am feeling scared, insecure, paranoid, and waking up completely distant and depressed. I don't know what I am asking, but maybe just some of your thoughts on this would be nice.
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:12 PM
You need counseling.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bmat
by Barb on Jun. 23, 2013 at 4:58 PM

Either you have a friend or have observed someone's husband leaving them and were shocked by it, and your brain is trying to process it. Or you noticed symptoms in your husband that make you wonder. Maybe put a little extra effort into your marriage (not that you aren't, just a thought) and also guide your dreams away from this disturbing sequence. Things like this can become habits, and they alarm us so much that the brain plays them over and over again- like watching a wound heal and checking it all the time. So tell yourself when you are falling asleep that if this dream occurs you'll change it to something nice- such as him handing you flowers, or hugging you, and your being happy.  Which brings me to another thought, maybe something is out of control in your life and no matter what you do you can't seem to bring it back under control. Think about what this could be-  something that matters to you- such as the economy, illness in the family, a sick pet, a child leaving for camp... anything that makes you feel sad and losing control.  And again, do the dream altering exercise.

hip2it
by Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:25 PM

Now that I'm pregnant I'm having the same nightmares.  Either DH is cheating and leaving me for this other woman or he's already left me and I'm finding out after the fact.  It all feels so real.

I don't have any advice.  It makes me feel like I'm losing my mind and going crazy, but I'm not insecure or paranoid because of the dreams.  I think my subconscious is playing on the insecurities that I already have.

AWallewein
by Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this
This did just happened to my friend. After a 3 year relationship and a baby, he just told her he didnt love her and left. I have been trying to help her through it for weeks now. For some reason, i never thought to put two and two together. Thanks:)
Quoting Bmat:

Either you have a friend or have observed someone's husband leaving them and were shocked by it, and your brain is trying to process it. Or you noticed symptoms in your husband that make you wonder. Maybe put a little extra effort into your marriage (not that you aren't, just a thought) and also guide your dreams away from this disturbing sequence. Things like this can become habits, and they alarm us so much that the brain plays them over and over again- like watching a wound heal and checking it all the time. So tell yourself when you are falling asleep that if this dream occurs you'll change it to something nice- such as him handing you flowers, or hugging you, and your being happy.  Which brings me to another thought, maybe something is out of control in your life and no matter what you do you can't seem to bring it back under control. Think about what this could be-  something that matters to you- such as the economy, illness in the family, a sick pet, a child leaving for camp... anything that makes you feel sad and losing control.  And again, do the dream altering exercise.


Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:27 AM

After talking it out  here online did the dream go away last night or did it change up any?



Enjoy a Coffee Break Chat with us Every Tuesday!

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:40 AM



Quoting Reina13:

After talking it out  here online did the dream go away last night or did it change up any?



Enjoy a Coffee Break Chat with us Every Tuesday!


brittany208
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:28 AM

Tell your DH about them and have a little extra snuggle/reassurance time before you go to sleep. If you can drift off on a happy note, that should help.

Tallmomma
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:37 PM
I have had that happen too but not over and over or the same dream. I started bringing them up for discussion and that helped - no truth to the bad dreams and now we laugh together about them.
Many times I find that I'm having wired dreams like that to shock me out of sleep like my body is an alarm clock and its time to get up.

LindaClement
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:49 PM

You probably have a completely rational background of abandonment in your life that is feeding this fear. It's a natural and very sensible fear: people really cannot survive on their own. We need other people, period.

I would suggest taking a look at Byron Katie's 'The Work' for help in figuring out how to think about this fear in ways that are less like barely coping and more like thriving.

Consider this, for example: it does rather suggest that you care about him and whether or not he stays ... which is a nice thing, yes?

stargazerwolf
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:07 PM

 I'd definitely say it could be that! Also if anywhere in your mind you think he is distancing himself or something it could be that. I had two boyfriends (years apart) that I dreamt they broke up with me, with one I told him about the dream the next day and then the day after he DID break up with me (I had recently moved and he hadnt come to visit me for 2 weeks...) the second one I told about the dream about him breaking up with me and about 2 weeks later he broke up with me...my most recent ex I dreamt he told me he was gay and broke up with me, he's a bit "metrosexual" and I think that is the only way my mind would figure he'd break up with me, but he still did (I think we might get back together still but he's confusing me..)

Anyway, dreams come from both daily experience and subconsious thoughts...I'd say yours are more because of your friends relationship ending like that.


Quoting AWallewein:

This did just happened to my friend. After a 3 year relationship and a baby, he just told her he didnt love her and left. I have been trying to help her through it for weeks now. For some reason, i never thought to put two and two together. Thanks:)
Quoting Bmat:

Either you have a friend or have observed someone's husband leaving them and were shocked by it, and your brain is trying to process it. Or you noticed symptoms in your husband that make you wonder. Maybe put a little extra effort into your marriage (not that you aren't, just a thought) and also guide your dreams away from this disturbing sequence. Things like this can become habits, and they alarm us so much that the brain plays them over and over again- like watching a wound heal and checking it all the time. So tell yourself when you are falling asleep that if this dream occurs you'll change it to something nice- such as him handing you flowers, or hugging you, and your being happy.  Which brings me to another thought, maybe something is out of control in your life and no matter what you do you can't seem to bring it back under control. Think about what this could be-  something that matters to you- such as the economy, illness in the family, a sick pet, a child leaving for camp... anything that makes you feel sad and losing control.  And again, do the dream altering exercise.



 

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