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Why is it so hard to communicate to teens?

Posted by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 10:18 PM
  • 20 Replies

Its so hard sometimes talking to my teenage children.  But yet they seem so overwhelmed with everything.

 

by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 10:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 10:44 PM
2 moms liked this

How was communication when they were younger?  They are becoming young adults so may need to treat them as such rather than children.  Perhaps start an indoor mail box so that they can write anything down to tell you w/o doing it face to face.

sabrtooth1
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 11:43 PM
We never had any problems. Our kids talked with us about everything, from the time they were able to talk.
funhappymom
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I think part of it is the teenage thing. Part of it could be the relationship you've had previously. Here's a bump-since I don't have a teenager yet.


JC2223
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this

 Part of it is biological and has to do with the frontal lobe of their brain. Depending on pre-puberty and puberty age, their hormones rev up to go through the process of puberty, they seems to be growing at the speed of light, along with many other bodily changes. But their frontal lobe, the part of their brain that controls logical thought (good/bad, right/wrong, etc) does not go through the same fast growth process. It's much slower and doesn't fully develop until their early 20's. This makes it really hard for them to really process some thoughts and communicate them. Have you ever had your pre-teen or teen do something really ridiculous and they can't explain why the did it or what they were thinking while doing it? Their not being dumb on purpose, they really don't know why they do the crazy things they do at times....this is thanks to the immature frontal lobe.

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:54 AM
I think maybe more listening and less talking us necessary. Find a relaxed time... 1:1... Where you can take a walk, drive in the car; something where your not looking at each other... And just listen...
If all you get is " i dont know, or okay" as answers - your wuestions or concerns are too broad a topic. To engage a real conversation- you need to hone in on a topic, be specific, and then continue to ask questions ( like a detective)... Lol and lots of repeating what theyve said--- in different words, or saying you dont think you understand- so they explain it again... Differently, so u get more info.

I think we spend a lot if time telling and teaching our young kids what to do. When they reach teenhood we need to give more leway, more rope, more respect, more time for them to problem solve on their own; and lay in the wings...
Bmat
by Barb on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:10 AM

They are pulling away from their parents and a bit afraid of pulling away also. Firm grounding in values is a good way to help them feel more comfortable. If they can say Oh no my Mom will kill me if I do that! Then this gives them an out for something they don't really want to do that their peers are pushing. (I'd never use the words I'll kill you if.... but they come up with this on their own.)

Momofmenagerie
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:20 AM
If you have a texting plan, I've discovered that with mine , he'll tell me quite a bit over texting as that's how they communicate with friends ... Even we're a hallway away.... After a certain level of comfort has been reached via text, I ask if it's alright if I come talk to them. A "whatever" or " i guess" counts as a " yes, please"

It's just what works in our home.
Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:26 AM

It is because they are overwhelmed.  

Their body chemistry is out of whack, hormones alter brain chemistry and mess with them emotionally.  They often don't know themselves, let alone others well enough to make good judgments.

The expectations on them are frequently at odds:  Too young for this privilege, old enough to know better, etc.

MOre often than not they see their parents as lecturing, not listening.

Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:40 AM
This except new studies show the frontal lobe doesn't fully develop until almost 30.
Teenagers go through a similar stage that toddlers do. They react with emotions, don't think things through and tey have to be independent.


Quoting JC2223:

 Part of it is biological and has to do with the frontal lobe of their brain. Depending on pre-puberty and puberty age, their hormones rev up to go through the process of puberty, they seems to be growing at the speed of light, along with many other bodily changes. But their frontal lobe, the part of their brain that controls logical thought (good/bad, right/wrong, etc) does not go through the same fast growth process. It's much slower and doesn't fully develop until their early 20's. This makes it really hard for them to really process some thoughts and communicate them. Have you ever had your pre-teen or teen do something really ridiculous and they can't explain why the did it or what they were thinking while doing it? Their not being dumb on purpose, they really don't know why they do the crazy things they do at times....this is thanks to the immature frontal lobe.

Bleacheddecay
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:36 PM

Idk, I've not had this problem. I've run several teen groups.

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