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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Playing favorites?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:17 PM
  • 8 Replies
Both my & dh's family treat our oldest (7) better than our other kids. She was the 1st & only grandchild/niece on both sides for several yrs, so I think they all feel a special bond with her. A lot of them spend significantly more on her gifts vs our other 2 kids. They occasionally take her to do fun things, and not once have they even mentioned taking one of the younger two. The younger ones are only 1 1/2 & 2 1/2, but our 2 1/2 yo is starting to notice that she's constantly being left out and I feel so bad for her.

I doubt any of the family is doing it intentionally, but how do I gently bring it up?
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by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:17 PM
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Replies (1-8):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:35 PM
You have to speak up and do not tolerate it. That is really bad.
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Bmat
by Barb on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:29 PM

I had to ask my husband to bring this up with his mother.  I told him to tell her that other people were noticing. She changed the way she treated the younger boy after that. My parents treated both the same.

luvemboth
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:31 PM
How did your dh bring it up? I don't want to come across as confrontational, and don't what to really even say.


Quoting Bmat:

I had to ask my husband to bring this up with his mother.  I told him to tell her that other people were noticing. She changed the way she treated the younger boy after that. My parents treated both the same.


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Bmat
by Barb on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:40 PM
1 mom liked this

That's why I asked my husband to talk with his mom, I didn't think it would come over well if I said anything.  I think he just said that he knew that she loved both boys but that others were noticing that she favored the older one. It is important that your parents and inlaws save face over this. It might be an idea to invent a friend whose parents favored one of their children and it disturbed the other children.. something along these lines, something so the grandparents don't feel as though they are being accused or criticized. I guess if I had to do it with my parents, I would have asked for my mother's advice on what to do when a grandparent favored one child over the other. I'd listen to her advice and hope that the seed that was planted would help her think about how she treated the children.

Quoting luvemboth:

How did your dh bring it up? I don't want to come across as confrontational, and don't what to really even say.


Quoting Bmat:

I had to ask my husband to bring this up with his mother.  I told him to tell her that other people were noticing. She changed the way she treated the younger boy after that. My parents treated both the same.



la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 4:07 PM

 bump, I could use advice on this too

LindaClement
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 7:16 PM

I would bring it up, but I'd do it in a way that will surprise the life out of them:

DD1 is uncomfortable with how left out of things her siblings feel. She doesn't want to go alone with you anymore, and she doesn't like getting things that are visibly worth so much more, and are so much more personal to her tastes than what you give the others. She'd rather not have anything than this inequity.

Because, in my own family, it was absolutely true: the 'spoiled' one HATED it.

andrea0314
by Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 7:20 PM
I'm sort of going thru a similar situation. My kids fathers family favors my youngest daughter and my family favors my oldest daughter. I hate it I've spoke up and its just been fights and arguements. I'm not with my kids father anymore but the favoring hasn't stopped I feel bad for my kids I don't want them to think ones loved more then the other. So I can relate to how ur feeling but definitely speak up... good luck
andrea0314
by Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 7:20 PM
I'm sort of going thru a similar situation. My kids fathers family favors my youngest daughter and my family favors my oldest daughter. I hate it I've spoke up and its just been fights and arguements. I'm not with my kids father anymore but the favoring hasn't stopped I feel bad for my kids I don't want them to think ones loved more then the other. So I can relate to how ur feeling but definitely speak up... good luck
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