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Lack of self esteem at 4?

Posted by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:02 PM
  • 11 Replies
I need some advice mamas.
My four year old son has been pretty hard on himself lately. He says he has a big belly and tonight he told me he has "stick out teeth". Hearing him say these things really saddens me. I tell him everyday how handsome he is and that I think he is absolutely perfect. I don't know where this is coming from or how to boost his self esteem or if this is really even an issue I should worry about. I know the obstacles I have had from being so self conscious, I don't want him going through the same. Have any of you guys gone through this with a child?
Oh, by the way, he does not have a big belly or stick out teeth. There is no reason for him to be feeling this way..
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Christy78
by Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:08 PM

 Just keep telling him he a   handsome young man and you loe him the way his is  and  you do not have a  big belly . Keep reminding him every day . 

Karen_S
by Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:30 PM
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Is he in preschool?  If he s, maybe ask for a meeting with his teacher to find out what might be going on there, like if there is a lot of teasing, and if he's fitting in OK.

Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 8:33 AM
1 mom liked this

It could be a couple things, if he is in preschool or daycare, someone may be teasing him. I would talk to the teacher about it, in that case.

Or, he could be hearing it at home. I don't mean you or anyone else telling him these things, but if you self criticize, he may just be following your lead. Children learn by example and if he hears you criticize yourself (i hate my hair, my butt has gotten so big, ect...) he may begin saying things about himself too.

Just constantly reassure him everyday.

Good luck.


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crwspringer
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 8:41 AM
Does he have any interests. Dinosaurs, science?..... Now would be a great time to really explore those interests in depth to get his mind off the things he seems to not like.
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MotherOfPurpose
by Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:43 AM
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Should you be concerned yes and no..At this age especially if he's around other children maybe there is some teasing and just isn't quick on the draw yet with responses, my daughter was the same way when she initially started preschool. What worked with her

1) we explored alot of her interest, the things that she is truly good at we give alot of praise and keep her involved

2) At least a 3-4 times a week I out of the blue ask her to name 2-5 things that are cool about her i.e (i'm smart, I draw good, I think I look pretty when I wear orange,I'm nice) we both do this actually. Lead by example..Unfortunately it not enough to just tell them bc part of them will think they are my parents they are supposed to say nice things to me/ about me. I make my daughters say good things about themselves it seems to sink in better that way.

3) When some is critical of them or teases them. We talk about... not so trying to get the parent of the other kids it intervene but more equipping them to deal with it.. example conversation.. "Ok so and so called you a stupid poop head , do you think that the true or a lie, when them say a lie, we talk about since it's a lie and why we shouldn't let lies make us feel bad,mad or sad.

Needless to say building children that are strong,confident and have self worth is a lot of work good luck

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 11:00 AM
When he puts himself down; ask him if he thinks that really matters in a person. Help him to see that beauty and strength come from what we r inside. Not out!
When he says he has stick out teeth- remind him Goofy from micky has stick out teeth: then talk about how goofy is a good friend; funny; and other atteibutes that are good inside.
Then id ask him if he thinks his teeth stick out as far as goody or less then goofy- and give him a better perspective.

Talk about what makes people good- theur goid qualites and how Thats what matters. Not what God gave us- which everyone is beautiful outside in their own way... But whats on the inside is what TRULY matters.

Remind him that when a bully says " he is fat, skinny, tall, small, whatever"... His best response is "i like me, my mom and dad like me and my friends like me JUST the way I am!"

Hugs!
LindaClement
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 12:10 PM
2 moms liked this

It sounds like he's been hearing other people's voices...

He doesn't need his self-esteem boosted, he needs his body image redirected. Can you take him to a beach or a mall, and show him all the different kinds of bodies, and see if he can pick out the 'right' kind? 

Perspective is what he needs: there are billions of bodies on the planet, some of them don't have arms or legs, and they're okay, too.

Jadegirl1819
by Bronze Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 12:14 PM

I was going to say the same thing.  Someone had to tell him he had those things.  Probably a classmate being mean.


Quoting Karen_S:

Is he in preschool?  If he s, maybe ask for a meeting with his teacher to find out what might be going on there, like if there is a lot of teasing, and if he's fitting in OK.



catevincesmom
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 1:27 PM

My daughter hates her freckles.  I have told her that what one sees as a flaw are what make us each unique & beautiful.  We are all a work of art.

la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 1:49 PM

Aww : ( I would just reassure him and let him know everyone is different.

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