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Help Please! Need advice on weight its hurting my sex life.

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:31 PM
  • 7 Replies

Hi there!

My name is Chelsi and I am 21, I had my daughter three years ago. Before she was born I struggled with my weight and I had an eating disorder. I was about 155-160 pounds at 5'5 and a size 9. I thought that this was disgustingly heavy and I struggled with anorexia. Now I am about 200lbs after having my daughter and between a size 14 and 16. This is very very huge to me and it is killing my self esteem and also my sex life. Am I as disgustingly over weight as I believe I am? Was my before baby weight and pants size huge? How can i make myself feel better? Please help!!!!!

by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:31 PM
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by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:44 PM
My own experience is very similar to yours. I'm 5'7" and used to be 160-170 and thought I was huge! I was also anorexic at the time. After meeting my now husband, we both had terrible eating habits, that combined with my body used to getting pretty much nothing and I steadily gained to 250. I was disgusted with myself and we both (my husband is a big guy) went on a weight loss program through our local hospital. I got down to 205 and was feeling pretty good! Then between some old habits coming back and getting pregnant, I shot up to 285. Since having my son I've been able to get down to 250 and stay there (well be stuck there).

Looking back to when I was 160-170, I look at pictures and wonder why I had such low self esteem... I actually think now that I looked pretty good back then! I still don't like the way I look and I'm horrified at most pictures of myself now, but right now I just remind myself that it isn't all about me anymore. I'm doing the best I can to eat healthy and lose more weight (I'd love to get back to what I used to be... Who ever knew that where I thought I was huge is now my goal!) But now my son comes first.

I don't focus on the size anymore. My main criteria for clothing now is that it's comfortable, I feel comfortable in it, and I can breastfeed in it. What it looks like certainly is important, but that fits mainly into the "I feel comfortable in it" part.

I can't say I'm much help on the sex life part... Although my weight I'm sure is affecting my sex drive, having a husband who works nights and a needy infant are the main causes of a non-existent sex life...

My main advice for you is to just give yourself a break! Focus on your baby, do the best you can for yourself, enjoy life and forget about the rest!
by Ruby Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 2:32 PM
Exercise and healthy low fat eating. Buy the Shred revolutionary diet book. Very good. It has you keeping metabolism even. Eating 4 meals and 3 snacks a day. Lost 14lbs in the last 6 weeks.
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by Silver Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 3:03 PM

Are you maintaining your weight or still gaining? If you can cut some little things you will lose some weight and feel better. Keep a food diary for a week and see where you are going wrong. Tell yourself you are doing this for your health and so that you have more energy for your daughter, don't worry about your looks so much mama, I'm sure you are  pretty, and you don't want your little girl to see her mom beating herself up for that.

by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 3:41 PM

My story is similar to yours also. Pre-marriage weight was around 175 or so. Always struggled with weight issues, but never got determined enough to fix it.

After having my twins, I reached my highest weight of 200lbs.

I was MISERABLE. Had no sex drive, would not undress in front of my hubby, etc etc etc. I hated how I looked. SO I decided to change it.

I changed my lifestyle and my eating habits. I didn't buy into these programs, or get an expensive gym membership. I just started eating healthier. No more (or little amounts) of fast foods, very few preservative or boxed foods. Mostly whole wheat breads, fresh fruits and veggies and fresh meats.

I stay around 1200 calories per day now. I use myfitnesspal app for iPhone and it has helped me so much! I exercise when I can, try and take walks with the kids alot, chase them around outside, etc. 

I started this in February. Today I weigh 162 lbs and I have never been happier about how I look!!!!! Our sex life is AMAZING now. 

It's tough to start the change, but once you get into the swing of things, it will change your life so much for the better.

Please do not buy into these shake programs or any pills or weight loss supplements. Those always let you down, and you gain the weight back the second you stop taking them.

Do your husband, your kids, but mostly YOURSELF a huge favor and change your lifestyle. You will not be sorry. 

((hugs)) I HAVE BEEN THERE!! Don't feel helpless!! 

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:50 AM

Have you had counseling for your eating disorder? That will go a long way to helping you with how you perceive yourself.

The most effective way to lose weight is honestly with clean eating and exercise. You should check out the healthy weight loss group. The moms there are amazing and have helped me a lot with my struggles with weight as well. Good luck

by Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:57 AM
I was 145 at 5'5-1/2" and couldn't get into 10s or 11s, much less 9s. DH and I downloaded the My Fitness Pal app on our phones to keep track of our eating. I'm on a 1200-calorie-a-day limit and have lost over 3 pounds in a few weeks. It's amazing how much healthy food you can eat and still be within that limit. Good luck.
by Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 1:46 PM
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You are not disgusting. Your self worth should never be based on your weight. 

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