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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Witholding birthday presents

Posted by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 8:17 PM
  • 10 Replies

My twins are having a terrible time lately.  Lots of hitting, yelling, misbehaving, the whole nine yards.  At their physical today the doctor recommended having them tested further, she suspects ODD or something similar because of how long this is going on.

Today was the worst it's been in a long time.  Tomorrow is their birthday.  My husband told them he wouldn't give them presents because they were misbehaving.  I believe gifts are given regardless of behavior, because you love them, especially birthday gifts.

How do others feel?  Am I really out of line to think they should still get their birthday gifts despite their behavior?  I appreciate your response.  Thanks!

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 8:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Jul. 15, 2013 at 8:36 PM
1 mom liked this

No, don't withhold their presents. Maybe make them wait until the end of the day or some very minor punishment, but nothing major that will hurt their memories of the day.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Don't withhold presents. Be consistant with discipline. One warning, then a consequence. Every time.
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boshs1andonly
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:21 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think birthdays should have anything to do with punishments. I would still give them their presents. It doesn't mean you can't still discipline them. 

ocktoberfox
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't  withhold birthday or christmas gifts.  Maybe send them to time out or put a limit on playing with said gifts for a little while. 

MrsApple
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:36 PM
1 mom liked this


Agreed.

Quoting boshs1andonly:

I don't think birthdays should have anything to do with punishments. I would still give them their presents. It doesn't mean you can't still discipline them. 



sabrtooth1
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:29 PM
Dont make threats then back down. They will NEVER believe your threats again.
SamMom912
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:35 AM
1 mom liked this
Read the explosive child by ross greene. Wonderful helpful empathetic respectful way to work with your kids to build mutual respect; listening to one another; working collaboratively to achieve a harmonious household. Get rid of the yelling, the "unilateral" "might is right" "punishing and consequencing " archaic parenting that so often pushes our children away... And doesn't lead to trust or reciprocity.

I have a challenging child myself... Make sure your not fueling the fire thats building inside them... Rigidity breeds Rigidity... The firmer i was with my guy, the more adamant he became in his refusals. Its been over a year we've followed Dr Greene- and my son has just blossomed! Respectful, thoughtful, empathetic, no yelling ( from either me or him! Lol) and just all around peace!

Sorry your LOs r having a tough time if it. ITs hard to get older! Theres a lot going on there for them!
I think you should have a super fun birthday with presents... Its 364 til the next bday!!! Enjoy while its here!!!
MAmomoftwo
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:51 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks, everyone!  I will look into The Explosive Child, thanks for the suggestion!

threenorns
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:23 AM

your husband is completely out of line.

birthday presents aren't rewards - they're given because it's the kids' birthday.

now, if you're having a party and the boys get out of line, confining them to their room to listen to everybody else having fun is a totally suitable consequence. 

JustMomToSM
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:25 PM
How old are your twins? If they are between 2 - 4, they very much mirror the behaviour/ relationships/ dealing with reality approaches of the adults around them. I m afraid SamMom912 is right and we need to change and monitor OUR behaviour. My son is kind of a bully too but just because I am too. I haven t changed all my behaviour and i threw tantrums every now & then myself. All the screaming, yelling, pushing - i never spank though, but i m quite passionate and even mu hugs are physically strong. Therefore he hits, he doesn t know when to stop and unwind, he doesn t listen (he actually doesn t hear) and so on. Every time i go thru a tantrum myself, i appologise fot yelling, screaming, whatever. I m always reminding him that kids are curious and rightfully so and parents are crazy for their kids to be safe and able and rightfully so! Sometimes parents are also very tired or worried and behave unjustified or impatiently - that s why kids need sleep:) therefore, maybe your husband can appologise for what he said today - on the grounds of the above or whatever reason - and let them have a big party, with presents and fun:) relaxing for you both will also be a good ideea and then a big praise for how well everybody, including children, managed:) so good luck, have fun and happy birthday:)
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