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I have a 4 year old son who crys begs screams and sometimes throws up when his dad comes and get him! I need help

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:27 AM
  • 23 Replies
1 mom liked this
Hi let me just start off by saying I'm new to this but I heard that I would get good advice
My ex and I dated for 6 months then he became an ass and controlling well I meet a new
Guy sweet as can be so I left my ex well a month went by and I didn't have my period so
Of course I took a test well it came back positive. I called and told my ex and he said ok
Your prego congrats and that was it. So the guy I was dating step up and said he didn't care
And wanted to be with me well my ex never called me or anything in November I was at the hospital and my boyfriend called my ex and said I was having the baby and he said he ain't mine so why be there. So my boyfriend step up and was in the room he said it was love at first sight when he saw like he said (our) son even knowing the baby wasn't his. Well my boyfriend stuck by us and gave it his all worked hard showed the baby so much love and attention that he wanted to adopt him. So a year later I called my (ex) the father to get a DNA and sign over his rights well he told me that's not my child and hung up. We tried and tried and got nowhere with him so we let it go for another year and my son loves his step dad but he calles him dad and his first words was daddy! They have a bond like no other and love each other very much so I told my boyfriend I was going to file for a DNA and take him to court well I called my ex and told him that and he said fine and I said if he is yours I want you to sign over your right and he agreed. Well we did the test and it can back 99.9 % well my ex lied (he is a cop) so he told me he was not signing over his rights now my son was 3 he hasn't been there for 3 years no calling or anything well we went to court he had to pay child support almost 1000 a month well my son met his dad for the first time and cried and cried he didn't want anything to do with my ex well we don't have anything in court for custody but he threaten to take me to court and get him and make it to where my now fiancé of 3 years couldn't live together we would have to get married well my ex and I agreed on every other weekend well my son started going he cried a little bit but was fine after well when he came home one Sunday night he told me my ex's wife puts him in a dark room with all the lights off and closed the door and he would cry and cry well I got to the bottom of it and they said they didn't do that but my son would scream if I closed the door never had this problem before well my ex and his wife got a divorce and it was just him my son and his 2 sisters there now well almost a year ago my son has started to cry scream kick beg hide and even throw up when I tell him his dad is coming to get him. He is 4 now bout to be 5 in November but this happens every other weekend and when he comes home he is hateful to his little brother talks to me with disrespect and throws things tells me he hates my house and he hates me and his step dad and is a smart ass before my son went with his dad he was very loving he was always happy and loved everyone and didn't know them nasty words it seems like its only getting worse!!! Well about a week ago he woke up crying and I said baby what's wrong he said I peed in my bed please do spank me mommy please well when he was saying this he was bent over in the bed and I said baby I'm not going to spank you it's ok it you make an accident it happens sometimes and we changed the sheets and went right back to bed the next morning we was watching tv and I asked him who spanks you if you wet the bed he said my dad does and he punishes me! I was like oh no I don't think so because he shouldn't have a lot to drink before going to be anyways! Well every time he comes back from his dads he doesn't wanna talk about what they did or how the weekend went or anything he gets mad like he can't tell me or something! I have tried to talk to my ex but he doesn't wanna listen or I'm scared if I do tell him something my child has told me if he will take it out on him next time he goes with him! My son loves to go to sleep overs and his family's house and to my ex's moms house but when his dad comes and gets him it happens all over again! I'm scared that something is going on tomorrow he has an apt with his doctor and see what's going on! I asked my son if his dad tells or shows him he loves him and he said no mom not like my dad here! I asked him if he knew what love is and he said yes it's when u get a lots of hugs kisses saying I love you and spending time and telling me your proud of me you know like you and dad do over here! I just wanna know what y'all think could my son be getting neglected from his dad and taking things out on him?? Also when I send my son there i send him in my clothes and shoes well I went get him Sunday and he still doesn't know where the 12 outfits are that he has plus had him in under 4 times to big and a broke sandle and told me that it broke Friday and I asked why he didn't buy him new ones and look for my clothes he told me I don't have time to look for your clothes and that he does have him sandles well my son was right there and said no mom I wore these all weekend! What can I do to get my son away from this man!!! That wanted nothing to do with his son from day 1 and tells me be lucky he pays child support and think of it as a donation!!! I need help fast I don't know who to go to or where to turn!!!! Thanks
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
petitekatie
by Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:32 AM
2 moms liked this

Ok, you need to do paragraphs or cut a lot of that out. It's a little hard to read. I think you need to take him to court and try to get full custody. explain the child's behavior. You will get more helpful advice, I'm sure. Good luck and here's a bump.

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:33 AM

I personally would have had his totally cut out of the childs life.  Not put on birth certificate, nothing.   I would talk to the childs doctor now and see what they recommend.  You may have to get a court date and visitation changed to a safer alternative for the child.  I hope you are documenting each time the child shows distress and comes back in ill fitting clothes.

RayLynn123
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:35 AM
1 mom liked this
He is a cop and knows crap but how I can I get around it you know some cops are bad and also judges I need help thanks anything will help up to this point!!!
RayLynn123
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:40 AM
Yes he isn't on the birth paper and I have alot of people see the way my son acts before he has to go and when he comes home I go tomorrow at 10:30 to see the doctor and I'm hoping they can right everything down I have wrote every detail down and also keep the underwear that his dad sent him in as well! Thank u so much for your advice one more thing do you think if I record the way my son acts before his dad comes to get him and after?? Will this help me in court? And he is also getting a concular too sometimes next week!
Candie1015
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:46 AM
2 moms liked this
Listen to your kid! If a kid crys and throws up when he has to go somewhere something is terribly wrong! Especially when it is one specific place. I know you aee gonna hate hearing this but tell the dr everything, ask to check if he has been messed with sexually, and then ask for a referal to a psych or childrens behavioral specialist. Grab a copy of everything from that dr apt. Make an emergency apt to the specialist and make sure to grab copies of that viait also. They may have you come back often because he is probably scared to talk about it now and they will jave to earn his trust. Just grab copies every time. Then file for sole custody or ask for his visits to be supervised. Matter of favt don't wait that long...go to court asap and file foe sole custody and a restraining order based on the suspension your son is being hurt. That will buy you enough time for dr and specialists if you hurry. The court hearing will likely follow any where from 2 weeks to some months after depending on how backed up they are. For now on keep records of what your son tells you (record him if you can) dates and times, pics of bruises dates and times, and try to record the way he acts before he goes to his dads without him knowing. It will help you...
If you can do it before aeeing the speciist also
terpmama
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:07 AM
1 mom liked this

Take him to a counselor (if something is up they can address the court). 

RayLynn123
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:48 AM
Thanks such I will
colins_mom
by Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:51 AM
yeah that is one looooong run on sentence....
RayLynn123
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:55 AM

BUMP!

Bleacheddecay
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:56 AM

I couldn't read all that because of the lack of paragraphs and spacing. I think I got the gist of it.

My girl was like that. She'd come back from her visit angry and upset at us. She'd attack me and her brother.

The "bio dad" would put her in clothes he bought her, she'd take them off and put them on the front porch. She didn't want them in the house.

I was scared to death that he was abusing her but never saw any evidence of it and she never said anything. We now think it was verbal and emotional abuse though.

Counseling helped but I couldn't get her away from him. I wish I had been able to. He was on the birth certificate.  She now says she has PTSD because of him. He died when she was 8 (which was a big relief for her and us) but what he did all those years, is still messing with her life at 22.

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