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Dealing with a Bully (settle a dispute with me and dh)

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:34 AM
  • 34 Replies

Here's what happened:

We went to a local splash pad yesterday. My 7 year old son took his super soaker. We went over the rules as we pulled in. No squirting others in the face/if you squirt someone and they ask you not to, stop and don't do it again/if someone asks to borrow it, you have to share.

So we get there and there are water guns that are set up in one section that can swivel and squirts water pretty hard and far. My son goes up to a boy about his age and asks if he can use it to fill his super soaker. He boy proceeded to turn the water on my son and squirted him full in the face and told him to go away. My son simply wiped his face off and walked away.

I then saw this same boy push a toddler out of his way to get on another water toy, squirt other kids in the face full force and just be a general meany.

I watch my son like a hawk ( I don't get on my phone, read a book, or any of that.. i actually watch him. To make sure he is safe, good, and having fun)

SO... next thing I know my son has made friends with another boy about his age. He is sharing his super soaker and they are taking turns with it, all is going well. THEN mean kid comes over and the OTHER boy my son is playing with has the water gun using it and my son has the super soaker. Other boy squirts mean kid on his back with water gun. Mean kid pushes him ( I can see all this but not hear what is said) I then see my son squirt mean kid on the belly. Mean kid then pushes my son and grabs his super soaker and starts to stomp away with it. My son walks toward him and reaches for his super soaker and mean boy shoves him hard and throws it at him. My son picks it up and as mean boy is going toward my son again like to hit or push him, I intervine and say to mean boy " Do not touch him again" and took my son by the hand and lead him away. I told my son NOT to squirt that kid again and not to play near him. He then tells me what happened. When other boy squirted mean boy, mean  boy told him he better not squirt him again. Other boy says "Why not? It's a water park! That's the fun" Mean boy says "Fun is pounding your face in" and proceeds to push the boy. My son states he was taking up for his friend by squirting mean boy on the belly and that's when mean boy turned on him and did the shoving etc. I told my son he shouldn't have squirted him and should have walked away. He said he did it so his friend wouldnt get hit, he'd rather be hit than let his friend get hit.

Ok, so a few min later mean boys mom comes up to me in the middle of the park screaming at me. She yells "Don't you ever speak to my son again! If you have something to say to him you say it to me!" I stated to her that had I known who he was with I would have but I was not going to sit back and watch him shove and possibly hit my son and not say anything. She screamed  "Well, your brat started it! I saw it all!

He squirted my son" (she had been sitting under a tree reading a book btw) I calmly stated that I had witnessed him shove other children and if he didn't want to be squirted, maybe a waterpark was a poor outing choice. She proceeded to very loudly tell her son "If that kid comes near you again you  have my permission to punch him in the face!" I then got loud myself and said "You better hope he doesn't because if he hits my son, I'M coming for you!" 

Everything was fine after that. My son and literally ALL the other kids went to the other side of the park to play and whenever mean boy came near, they all moved to the other side.

My son and another boy thanked me for getting mean boy away from them. Another mother said she had seen it all and that boy was trouble and her kids had been told to stay away from him before we got there.

My HUSBAND says I handled it wrong. He says I shouldn't have spoken to mean boy at all and just got our son away from him and told him not to go near him again. All I said was don't you touch him again and the reason I said it was because he was about to hit my son and I wasn't within reach to get him safe. He said me saying something was what caused the mom to come over and make a scene. SHE did make a scene but i remained calm and soft toned until she told her son to punch mine.

Was I totally off base? What should i have done if i was wrong. Letting my son get hit wasn't an option!

by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SouthernMamaof1
by Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:40 AM
Honestly I see nothing wrong with saying anything to the boy, but I probably would have done what your husband said because I hate confrontation and try to avoid it.
skittlebeans88
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:40 AM
You did the right thing! Don't let your dh doubt yourself.
jasonadamvowell
by Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:41 AM
I would have done the same exact thing you did, my husband would have been a lot meaner to that mean kid
kay1214
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:52 AM

Ooh, I do love a good Mom-fight! jk.

i think you were right. Especially about your reaction when she gave her son permission to hit your son.

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Idk what I would do unless I was there. Also depends on how much sleep I had at the time lmao.

casseopeia
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:23 AM

I don't think you did anything wrong.  It's clear where that child has learned his behavior problems.  Mom is pretty f@cked up and I'll bet dad is too.

But the way my father taught me to deal with bullies has been the best advice I have ever received.  My dad was in the Army and started teaching my sister and I hand to hand combat tecniques at a very early age.  Not dangerous stuff at first.  Just simple things you can do to surprise a bully with a bit of pain.  Later on he taught us how to the rear naked choke hold to instantly put someone out.

I think overall it's better that kids manage to handle the situation on their own.  If mom intervenes, the child can be seen as weak, and subject to more bullying when you are not there to step into the middle.  If the bully understands that his victim will stand up and defend himself, he will back off.  Most bullies are cowards.

TIGGERTAC
by Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 12:11 PM

 

I agree in most situations kids should work it out for themselves but not to the point of getting punched n the face. My son takes Issinryu Karate and most likely could have really  hurt the bully. He was taught not to.

Quoting casseopeia:

I don't think you did anything wrong.  It's clear where that child has learned his behavior problems.  Mom is pretty f@cked up and I'll bet dad is too.

But the way my father taught me to deal with bullies has been the best advice I have ever received.  My dad was in the Army and started teaching my sister and I hand to hand combat tecniques at a very early age.  Not dangerous stuff at first.  Just simple things you can do to surprise a bully with a bit of pain.  Later on he taught us how to the rear naked choke hold to instantly put someone out.

I think overall it's better that kids manage to handle the situation on their own.  If mom intervenes, the child can be seen as weak, and subject to more bullying when you are not there to step into the middle.  If the bully understands that his victim will stand up and defend himself, he will back off.  Most bullies are cowards.


 

jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 12:16 PM

I will be the first person to admit that I have NO issue "disciplining" other people kids.  ESPECIALLY if the other parent(s) is no where to be seen.  If that mother WAS watching (which I doubt) and didn't say anything then SHAME ON HER!!  WTF??  THIS is what is wrong with kids today. No one actually tells them when they are not behaving appropriately.  I think what you did was just fine.

TIGGERTAC
by Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 1:03 PM

 Thank you. I would have like to say a lot to that little boy about his behavior but didn't.... My son is not perfect and that is one reason WHY i watch him and pay attention. If i see him not acting appropiately I intervine!

 


Quoting jackiewal10:

I will be the first person to admit that I have NO issue "disciplining" other people kids.  ESPECIALLY if the other parent(s) is no where to be seen.  If that mother WAS watching (which I doubt) and didn't say anything then SHAME ON HER!!  WTF??  THIS is what is wrong with kids today. No one actually tells them when they are not behaving appropriately.  I think what you did was just fine.


 

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 1:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 You didn't do anything wrong.  It was the other mother's choice to make a scene, and you stood up to her and told her exactly what she needed to hear.  Whether it actually sunk in with her is another story, but all she accomplished was making herself look like a fool, and showing everyone else why her son acts the way he does. 

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