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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Would you stay with your husband's ex-wife?

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:35 AM
  • 32 Replies

So, every summer our 2 oldest children (who live with their mom in KY for the school year) come to visit me & my husband in KS.  We always have such a great time together, & the past 4 visits we've always drove to St. Louis, MO to meet their mom half-way to exchange the children.  This year, my husband really wants to make the whole drive over to KY to see his son & daughter off to school.  He's never had that chance, even though they are 9 & 7 years old, due to his obligations in the military.  He's been on "talking terms" with his ex since their divorce, for the childrens' sake, & communicates to her pretty regular (if he needs to) when the kids are with us for the summer.  He recently let her know our travel plans, as far as taking the kids all the way home & spending a few extra days with them in KY, since he has leave during that time.  She then offers to let us stay in an extra bedroom they have in their house while we are there in KY. 

Now, while I know it might be weird that I say this, but I honestly wouldn't mind staying with them!  I think of it in this way: To the kids, it wouldn't be weird, because they love all of us, & (I think) they would think it would be really cool that they get to see all of us together.  They really love their dad because any time with him, he makes it so special.  He's so supportive & he makes everything fun when they visit us in KS.  That being said, I know for a fact that my husband is uneasy about saying "yes" to staying with her.  And I don't have to explain in full detail why! lol.  The way she left him, cheated on him, divorced him....enough said.  She has her ways about her, & the only thing that concerns me is she might seem to be nice, but she might have a plot afoot.  My husband knows her all to well, & the only reason why it's so hard to make a decision yet, is because I'm worried about what it would be like for my husband to sleep in the same house as his ex-wife & wife!

So that's my situation in a nutshell.  I guess I just want to know what y'all would do.  Would you stay with her if you were me? (Could save money, instead of stay in hotel) Have you ever been in this situation? Thanks ladies!

by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
doostica
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

It seems like you all have a great cordial relationship and I dont see a problem with it! I would sit and talk to him about it to really make sure he is comfortable with that. Let him know you ae comfortable with it and you want to make sure he is. It is SO rare that the relationship between exes and new wives or husbands is good. So your one of the lucky ones. If anyone mentions how you can't trust blah blah blah, they have trust issues probably because someone unfortunately screwed them over in the past.

threenorns
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:01 AM
3 moms liked this

it's called putting the past behind and moving forward.


i think it's great.

hsrudy
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:02 AM

yea, it's def. cordial between me & her.  Even though I severely hate what she's done in the past, I think she knows now that she messed up. She can be selfish too, but I try to take it all in stride for the kids. The kids didn't ask for their parents to get a divorce.  They love them both.

doostica
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:16 AM

All of you guys are oing a great thing! Good for you! People do change and DO realize thier mistakes and its great when they can realize it. :) Have fun!!!!!!!!!!! :) And trust me the kids will REALLY REEEEAAALLLYYY appreciate it later in life!

Quoting hsrudy:

yea, it's def. cordial between me & her.  Even though I severely hate what she's done in the past, I think she knows now that she messed up. She can be selfish too, but I try to take it all in stride for the kids. The kids didn't ask for their parents to get a divorce.  They love them both.


crwspringer
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:22 AM
No way. I really think that if is great that you are all seeming to get along, but that is very short term basis.
My opinion is that it would be best to stay at a hotel to give everyone a little breathing room.
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mamamiajk
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:27 AM
1 mom liked this

In my life...NO WAY!'m sure there are plenty of hotels that are close where you could stay It might end up being a life changing experience for the worse. Your husbands hesitation says it all.

ELFs_Mommy
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:28 AM
I agree with this.

Quoting crwspringer:

No way. I really think that if is great that you are all seeming to get along, but that is very short term basis.

My opinion is that it would be best to stay at a hotel to give everyone a little breathing room.
mamakin616
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:40 AM
2 moms liked this

  You said your husband does not want to ...I would not push. If he feels that way because He thinks you will be upset,then let Him know you don't mind. But ...you also said she might have a plan afoot.Maybe you all could compromise and stay one night and then stay at a hotel..that way the kids dont feel hurt and confused and you get some time alone together..

hsrudy
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:42 AM

This is true.  Ultimately, I will go with whatever my husband decides.  I do seem to be going back & forth mainly because I'm torn between my husband's feelings & what the kids would like (even though the kids are completely clueless that we have this decision to make).

Quoting mamamiajk:

In my life...NO WAY!'m sure there are plenty of hotels that are close where you could stay It might end up being a life changing experience for the worse. Your husbands hesitation says it all.


conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:01 AM
I agree. Even cordial, you all need your own space. You don't know how people will react staying under same roof, and it may blow up. That being said, you could get a place close by and plan time with kids. Maybe even do a family dinner with all parents and kids.


Quoting crwspringer:

No way. I really think that if is great that you are all seeming to get along, but that is very short term basis.

My opinion is that it would be best to stay at a hotel to give everyone a little breathing room.

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