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How to get home to understand!

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 12:56 AM
  • 5 Replies

We were at a family event and afterwards a couple sisters invited us over. Our son was already in bed in a pack n play at my moms. I know if I left and if he woke up my mom won't hear him. She hasn't had to listen for a baby in decades so she isn't used to it. Along with that I don't get along with my brother in law and he would never be able to sleep with him around. So we stayed at my moms and I could tell he was mad. He ended up getting emotional saying we don't have a life. As far as I thought we did. We went out and did stuff with us for date night and stuff with our son. He told me my cousin invited us and told me I said no to it. I was not aware they invited. I was in the house when that happened. So I had no idea. I woke our son up and we went there for the night. She has 2 kids under the age of 2 so its a kid environment and know it won't be a problem. The last couple days he's been throwing around an idea about canoeing and I don't wanna take our son out on the river. I said if he has a life jacket but I'm still skeptical because he's so tiny, he's 15 months, and doesn't swim. I see nothing but disaster. He got made and said "you're just saying I'm putting my kid in danger".  But I want him happy and think we have a life. So it's a lose-lose situation. I put my kid in what I consider danger so that my husband will be happy or I keep my kid safe and make husband mad. He doesn't seem to understand. How do I?

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 12:56 AM
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by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:20 AM

Why couldnt your mom or someone watch the toddler while you go canoeing with your husband?  I agree with not taking a toddler out on a river like that though.  Too many people in our area drown in the river that are adults.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:16 AM

He wants all 3 of us to do something.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 12:27 PM

If he wants all of you to do something together, then the only problem I see is agreeing on activities that are family friendly, and appropriate for a 15 mo old.

Staying out partying all night is NOT appropriate.

A 15 mo old does not walk extremely well. They get tired a lot, and need naps. Any family activity must revolve around the baby's schedule, or it is more of a headache than it is worth.

He wants to go canoeing? How about starting out slow. Take baby to the beach, teach him to swim, and have a picnic. Once baby is comfortable on/in the water, and has a flotation device that fits him, you can re-visit canoeing. I would start out on a shallow, slow, river. Especially if neither of you are experienced with handling a canoe.

Visit a zoo. Toddlers love the animals. A hands on children's area is always great fun. There are usually strollers you can rent, or bring your own.

Go camping/hiking. A pack/play yard can fit nicely in a tent. Get a baby carrier backpack so that dad can carry 15 mo old on his back for hiking. Those baby backpack carriers are actually great for any kind of activity where a stroller is not feasible, or you want more mobility.

Go to a children's museum. Lots of fun, hands-on activities for a toddler.

Go to a ball game (again backpack carrier great here). Minor league games are cheaper, and more family friendly.

It's summer. Go to any outdoor festivals in your area.

Concerts in a park.

Have a BBQ, and invite friends, family, and kids.

If you want a night out on your own, get a babysitter.

In your original post you said you turned down an invite out because you "knew" your mom would not hear him because she had not had to listen for a baby in "decades". Not necessarily true at all. If your mom had known she had to listen for the baby she would most likely have had no problem hearing him. Did you ever actually ask her? If there was concern that she might not hear baby, the pack/play could have been moved closer to her room, or even inside her room.

Bottom line is that husband has to realize he is no longer a happy-go-lucky youngster. He is a married man, and father. You can still have "fun", and have a "life". It just has to be a bit different from what it was when he was a 21 year old party animal.

You also have to learn to let someone else watch baby once in a while.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:51 PM

If the choice is between keeping your child safe or making your husband happy I say keep your child safe and your husband is being a poop head.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:23 PM

Compromise? Maybe do something safer than canoeing, go out on a mini family adventure elsewhere. As far as him thinking you guys have no life, he needs to realize you guys can have a life just on different terms. I would not have woken my son up to relocate personally. The kids come first and we squeeze the fun stuff in. Some men go through a phase, like they realize they cant just get up and go anymore without planning and what not. Does he get nights out by himself, with friends or anything like that? That may help

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