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5 year old daughter has an attitude!

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:13 AM
  • 3 Replies

I have a 5 year old daughter (will be 6 in October) getting ready to go into Kindergarten in a month. Lately she has been very mouthy to me when I tell her to do things or when I will not allow her to do/have something she wants. She always seems to want to argue or to try to tell me what I should/should not be doing. Her attitude reminds me more of an older child. I know that she has been in contact with some of them at the daycare she has been attending this summer, so it's possible she may be picking up some of this from them.

I don't feel like I have been handling it the best way possible, because it continues to go on. When I hear her say these things, I instantly feel angry (almost as if another adult was talking to me like that) and probably sometimes say things that are not productive or that won't really make sense to a 5 year old. This morning I smacked her mouth lightly because she just wouldn't stop (which of course caused her to become offended/upset and start to cry... this is something that does not happen often so it is always a shock to her when it gets to that point). I told her that the way she was talking to me was disrespectful and that is not how you talk to adults, especially your mother. I told her about how if I would have said something like that to my mother, I would have gotten my face slapped too, but probably harder. My explanation may have been too long-winded and I was definitely agitated when I was talking. It did not help matters that we were running late to get me to work and her to school... that has a way of getting me in a grumpy mood. Admittedly, running late is usually more my fault than hers.

I really just don't know how to handle it properly and get the positive results I am looking for. She has not always been like this. Some part of me feels like I should be trying to say something short and sweet instead of getting windy about it. I will admit that it is hard for me to let things roll off when I feel like someone is disrespecting me, which is probably why I feel the need to talk so long about it to her when it happens. I could obviously benefit from getting myself more under control... and I feel like if I better understood what might be going through her mind, I might be less angry and less likely to "pop off" when these things happen.

Is this a common issue for this age? Any idea what causes this type of thing? What do you say to your children when they are acting like this? What sort of consequences do you find to be effective in stopping or reducing the behaviors?

((And please try not to get too sidetracked on me lightly smacking her mouth. I rarely do this and I know that some people will see nothing wrong with it, and others will say I'm abusing my child. I'm not looking for a debate, just some new ideas on how to resolve this issue.))

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:13 AM
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by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:19 AM

the minute my kids spoke to me or dh they were sent to their rooms. They were told that when they were ready to apologize and speak respectfully they could come out. If they didn't go they were "escorted" there. That only happened once !  Also their rooms didn't have toys.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:22 AM

It very well can be she is picking it up from others. I have 6 girls, oldest is about to turn 10 and they have never talked back to my DH or I. But we are super careful who they are around and they go to a very strict private school. Plus my girls know there would be huge consequences to talking back. Good Luck, I hope someone has some good advice for you.

by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Smack her butt and put her in a time out, after you give her 1 chance to apologize and change her behavior. Stop lecturing, it doesn't work, the 5 year old brain isn't like ours. If you don't want to spank, fine, but do something rather than talking, it goes in one ear and out the other. When she's being helpful and kind be sure to praise her.

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