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Is this emotional abuse? How do I get away?

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:35 PM
  • 8 Replies

These are some of the things that happen in our relationship:

Overbearing - will not allow me to go to social groups, such as a Spanish speaking meet-up to further my language learning, out to dinner with a female friend, to professional conferences or to the mall by myself.

Becomes incredibly angry if I go out after dark by myself.

Refuses to show me or tell me that he loves me when I "disobey", don't take his suggestions or advice.

Takes down pictures of  me or our kids when he is angry with me.

Provokes my insecurities by stating things like: "you don't know where I'm getting it from", "I am going to go elsewhere", "I can have anybody I want." I know where to go to get laid." , Especially when I do not want to be intimate.

Calls me things like, "slut", "whore", "tart", "flirt", when I wear dresses or skirts.

"tells me that he will shoot me or hurt me badly (albeit in a joking manner) if I were to be unfaithful.

I am pregnant and needing some clarity and some answers. He and I have broken up and gotten back together more times than I can remember over all of this. Our relationship is dramatic and passionate. I am not saying this is positive in any way shape or form, but it is an accurate description of our relationship.

I love him deeply, but my kids, mental health and well being mean more to me than keeping him happy. How can I FINALLY convince myself that I need out of this manipulative, unhealthy relationship? How can I stay away for good?

Please help me!

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:35 PM
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Replies (1-8):
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:39 PM

Yes it is abuse. I was told "no one else will ever love you.", was never allowed out with friends, on the rare occasion I was he would text non stop - if I ignored the text I was a "whore" "slut" etc etc etc, I was told I was luck he was with me, that he could find better & hotter. Eventually it led to physical abuse.

It took a long time to get out but I emptied the bank account one day, packed everything in a few bags, loaded the kids in the car and left.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. You do not deserve it at all!

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:45 PM

I agree with PP.  Get out and don't ever let him talk you into going back to him.  It's not worth it, ever.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:52 PM

 This is absolutely emotional/mental abuse!  It is just as harmful, if not more so, than physical abuse. 

Your children are learning from your relationships.   If they see this type of behavior as acceptable, they will likely follow suit, either by being the one being abused, or being the abuser. 

It is hard to leave, I know, but it's well worth it.  You can be you again, and you have an opportunity to show your children that you find that behavior unacceptable.  You have the opportunity to show your children what a truly healthy relationship is in the future.  Respect yourself and your children will learn to respect themselves as well.

by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:53 PM
This isn't love. It's addiction. It's an infinite loop of madness and you are the only one who can choose to jump off of it.

He will not change.

Make a plan and get out. You need clarity.
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:53 PM
Just LEAVE. He's already threatened physical harm.... Even if he suspects you are unfaithful.... Which means he'll find away someday to convince himself you are.

Just go. Go to your family, change your number , change your email, block him from fb contact a lawyer and find a way to think your life through. This is not a " good catch" things will never get better, only worse. HE HAS THREATENED YOU WITH PHYSICAL VIOLENCE!!!!! Why would you not see that now, before he does it???? Just leave. Go. I don't care if it's on a greyhound. Take your child and leave . Please!
by Cecilia on Jul. 25, 2013 at 3:07 PM

This does not sound like a healthy relationship, at all. What is it about him that makes you, "love him deeply"?

by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 3:46 PM

 I would talk to a councelor about the steps you need to take to protect your family and yourself.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:01 PM

Is this the kind of relationship you want your children to be in?

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