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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

College daughter hates me

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:01 PM
  • 23 Replies

Hi Ladies

I am new to the group as I have just been informed from my 19 year old daughter that she no longer wants to be my daughter.  This started because I would not buy her a new car or pay for her sorority.  I just can't afford it. She never wants to speak to me again.  Has taken out student loans to pay for college. I am devastated beyond words.  I know I have to let her do this, but its killing me.  

If anyone has been there, or is currently there, could use some advise.

by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:07 PM
4 moms liked this

Well then let her do it.  It will save you the money in long run.  It sounds like she is feeling entitled to things even when it puts you further in debt.  If she wants these things she can find a job while going to school.  Thousands of kids her age do just that to get the extras in college.   It is hard to see a child angry with us but at 19 she should be able to stand on her own feet.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:11 PM
2 moms liked this
She is a brat. Ignore her. If she wants it she can pay for it. Has she had to pay for things in the past???
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Rhiannon1980
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:11 PM
1 mom liked this
It breaks your heart but making her stand on her own two feet is the best thing you can ever do for her. When I was 19 me and my mom wernt close but because she made me stand on my own two feet we are closer than ever now. I am 32 and still have a lot to learn. I am 10 hours away from my mom we talk at the least on a weekly bases mostly on a daily. I hope that gives you something to look forward too.
Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:21 PM
2 moms liked this

Oh brother, she is being a brat. Just ignore her for awhile. Here's the good news, her brain isn't done growing yet and she will show more maturity in time. Don't despair! But do not let her manipulate you into paying for anything you can't afford.

stayathome510
by Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:27 PM

IMO...these moms have the right idea!  I have been there, in different circumstances, not quite to these extremes, honestly, she sounds like she really needs to grow up.  Do you listen to Dave Ramsey at all?  I don't agree with everything he says, but if you listen to a few of his talks, especially about college kids, my goodness, your eyes will be opened.

Also, it is very heart breaking to be treated like that by your own daughter....but, you really have to be strong in this.  Her love for you cannot be based on what you can do for her.  I would advise you to really immerse yourself into other areas of your life and to ignore her until she treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve as her mother.  I would not offer to do anything for her at all, let her come to you, and only give what if anything, you can freely afford and also, Do not help her at all if she is not trying to help her own situation.

God bless and take care, from a mom who has been there.....

broken694
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:34 PM

Thanks you all for your advise.  I paid for everything for her.  I have created this. 

I know I have to cut her off, but still hurts.

  

ceciliam
by Cecilia on Jul. 25, 2013 at 7:00 PM

im sorry


BryBrysmama
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 7:12 PM

im sorry but if that was me, my mom would be so disappointed in me! i cant beleive she is acting like a snobby brat! shes over 18 if you could help you would she needs to be greatful for what she has. she is doing this to get her damn way dont give in. have you sat down with her and explained if you could you would help her?

when she gets older she will look back at how she acted & be assamed! hang in there hun im sorry shes doing this to you!! your doing the right thing letting go is the hardest part

 

tell her to get grantsor loads herself & get a job if she doesnt have one!

jabs54
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:21 PM

 Oh brother, she is very dramatic isn't she!  I would just tell her you're sorry you can't afford to give her what she wants but you will always love her.  Keep it short and simple.  Don't argue with her.  Good luck!

njt320
by Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:23 PM
Let it go.. My 18 ds who has been a great perfect kid has changed since he turned 18. It's quite an age :(
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