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emotionally draining

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:52 PM
  • 7 Replies

My mom (69) has been sick with something called diverticulitis (an intestinal issue) and hasn't been able to leave the house much or for very long periods of time for about 6 weeks now. She's being treated and all that but is having reactions to some of the medication they've been giving her.  Naturally she's starting to get depressed but she's been relaying on her kids to cheer her up and when she doesn't hear from us (phone call or visit) she gets really down. I think the emotional neediness is making her stay sick longer but I don't know what to do. We all have our own lives, families, work, etc;  not only that but she is so negative, it's hard to be around her for very long; she has my dad running around to get her groceries, medicine, whatever and then she complains about him getting the wrong kind or whatever. My sisters and I kind of alternate visiting her or we will on the weekend but it's hard during the week. I have 3 young boys (3,6,8) and they are pretty active and sometimess they fight & I know that drains everybody so we'll just cut our visit short. She's a neat freak and wants her house clean but can't do it herself so she either has our dad (who is 76 by the way) or one of us when we have the time/energy but then she complains to whoever about how they didn't do it right. I seriously want to pull my hair out but I'm trying to be compassionate and sympathetic to her. I just wonder if anyone has advice or has to deal with situation like this?

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:52 PM
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Replies (1-7):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:39 PM

Tell her a positive attitude will help her heal faster and everyone will want ot visit more.  No one likes a gloomy glenda or negative nelly.  My grandmother has/had that as well but she stayed upbeat as much as she could given the chaos in her life.

countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:45 PM

Aww, hugs to you.  That must be so hard on all of you.  It can be tough to help care for a sick person when they aren't really appreciative of what you are doing for them.  I know it has been tough for my dad to help my grandma because she has alzheimers and she is so angry a lot of the time.  He just keeps reminding himself of how she isn't herself and that she loves him and that she has done so much for him in the past.  I think that helps some.  Good luck with it all and I hope she feels better soon for all of your sake.

strictmomhere
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:17 PM
Im sorry my mom got violent went she was real sick i just loved her and tried to help as much ad i could:) hugs
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abecee
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:29 PM

Sounds like my dad.  We, siblings and I, ended up doing everything for him the last 8 months of his life.  He was never appreciative, always negative and demanding, and no matter what we did it was never up to his standard.  Finally in a weak moment I blurted out something like ....."you set the tone for how the next several months will go. BE NICE, this is hard on everyone." He didn't speak to me for quite a while but when he finally did he was much kinder.
I know my story is different but sometimes we just have to let them know how unreasonable and unkind they are being.
I hope your mom gets better soon.

cafay
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:06 PM

Well, first. I'm sorry. This is a really hard position to be in. I see it both ways. My father had the same disease as your mother, and I have been checked for it as well. It's incredibly painful. It's really hard to be happy when you are feeling like crap for weeks on end. So try to keep your patience as long as you need to. I have also had a heart attack, and could not clean like I was used to. My poor Mil would come over and try to help, but it made me nuts. It's hard to lose control of your life,when it's those everyday things that make you feel "normal". So my best advice for you, is to keep as calm as you can,try the best you can, and when she complains,pat her hand gently, and just remind her that everyone is doing the best they can, and soon she will be up doing it herself real soon. Then hug her,and tell her you love her. Hope it helps.

oahoah
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:16 PM

Thanks for all your encouragement and for a different perspective.

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:24 PM
Omigosh right.

Mil is bringing down the whole ship for a while now. :(

Went off work and got more depressed with time and more emotionally reliant of her kids.

The negativity gets hard. Op, do your best and forget the rest. :)


Quoting abecee:

Sounds like my dad.  We, siblings and I, ended up doing everything for him the last 8 months of his life.  He was never appreciative, always negative and demanding, and no matter what we did it was never up to his standard.  Finally in a weak moment I blurted out something like ....."you set the tone for how the next several months will go. BE NICE, this is hard on everyone." He didn't speak to me for quite a while but when he finally did he was much kinder.
I know my story is different but sometimes we just have to let them know how unreasonable and unkind they are being.
I hope your mom gets better soon.


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