• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how can i say "no" to mil?

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:23 PM
  • 18 Replies
I've been depressed lately with a high anxiety level that ended up causing me to have a panic attack the other night. I have a 3 mo old baby and 4 pre teen/ teen older kids. My husband has been out of town the last 3 weeks, leaving myself to do it all. I have decided that these last few days before I go back to work, I will focus on de-stressing and relaxing in the form of vegging out and taking naps (I don't get enough sleep at night due to baby, which is why I'm suffering from the anxiety).

My dh and I agreed that it would be better for me if I didn't have any "extra" kids while he was gone because I obviously have my hands full with the 4 already. My nieces and nephews from out of town are staying up at my mils house for the weekend beginning on Thursday. 2 of my nieces belong to one bil, and we don't see them but about 3 times a year, so I've been letting them come over and hang put with the kids, just no slumber parties this time. The other two, niece and nephew are here every other weekend to visit their dad, but are staying at mil house for a couple days this time.

At a family BBQ the other day, I overheard mil telling bil, that his kids could stay with me on Thursday. Um hello? Anyone ever think to ask me? I told my dh about her plans and he said no one has spoken with him about it either. We see this niece and nephew pretty frequently and often let them stay the night when both dh and I will be home. When they do come over, they are very wild and crazy. I don't know if I can handle wild and crazy right now. I've been longing for a day without visitors too, because a veg out day just isn't a veg out day when company is over.

How can I say no without seeming rude? I know I'm going to get a phone call soon. I can feel it...Lol!
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:23 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
busymommy2013
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:25 PM
Oops there's a typo. I have 4 kids, not 5...


Quoting busymommy2013:

I've been depressed lately with a high anxiety level that ended up causing me to have a panic attack the other night. I have a 3 mo old baby and 4 pre teen/ teen older kids. My husband has been out of town the last 3 weeks, leaving myself to do it all. I have decided that these last few days before I go back to work, I will focus on de-stressing and relaxing in the form of vegging out and taking naps (I don't get enough sleep at night due to baby, which is why I'm suffering from the anxiety).



My dh and I agreed that it would be better for me if I didn't have any "extra" kids while he was gone because I obviously have my hands full with the 4 already. My nieces and nephews from out of town are staying up at my mils house for the weekend beginning on Thursday. 2 of my nieces belong to one bil, and we don't see them but about 3 times a year, so I've been letting them come over and hang put with the kids, just no slumber parties this time. The other two, niece and nephew are here every other weekend to visit their dad, but are staying at mil house for a couple days this time.



At a family BBQ the other day, I overheard mil telling bil, that his kids could stay with me on Thursday. Um hello? Anyone ever think to ask me? I told my dh about her plans and he said no one has spoken with him about it either. We see this niece and nephew pretty frequently and often let them stay the night when both dh and I will be home. When they do come over, they are very wild and crazy. I don't know if I can handle wild and crazy right now. I've been longing for a day without visitors too, because a veg out day just isn't a veg out day when company is over.



How can I say no without seeming rude? I know I'm going to get a phone call soon. I can feel it...Lol!

Firenygirl180
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:25 PM
2 moms liked this
Just say no. You have a new baby that is a legitimate reason.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Have your kids all invade MIL's and let her keep them all but the baby.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lilmama8408
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:32 PM
Tell them sorry but I have my hands full at the moment and with she away for work its to much. Maybe next time. The sooner they know the better so they don't just show up with sleep over stuff
countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:35 PM

I would tell her politely that it won't work this time with your DH out of town and use the baby as an excuse saying it isn't sleeping well or is really fussy or something.  Ask her if there is another date she wants to plan it for though and you would be happy to do it then with DH home.  Good luck.  Hugs mama.

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:36 PM

Tell them no way no how that you have too much on plate right now.  They have shown that they can not be calm and follow house rules so no one is coming over.  I would send your older children over to MIL's to visit with cousins.

busymommy2013
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:51 PM
One thing I left out so that it wouldn't be too wordy, is at the BBQ before I over heard her volunteering me as the sleepover place, we spoke about how I wasn't taking any extra kids while dh is out of town because of being exhausted and simply wanting as much peace and quiet as I can get, which already isn't very much. Not an hour later, I over heard her offering up my house.... I am going to say no this time, and if she or bil can't understand and bad mouth me, so be it. My mil is nice though. She doesn't bad mouth; she just doesn't see what other people have going on, just what she has going on. My bil, on the other hand.....he does eexpect us to take his kids when they are in town and usually bad mouths me on Facebook of all places if his kids can't stay the night. I honestly don't understand why he can't have his kids the whole weekend since he only sees them once every two weeks. To each their own...
busymommy2013
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:54 PM
Hey, that's a good one!


Quoting atlmom2:

Have your kids all invade MIL's and let her keep them all but the baby.

firefly
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:58 PM
2 moms liked this

"Sorry MIL, but I can't take BILs kids on Thursday.  We already have plans."  

strictmomhere
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:20 PM
Be honest just say no:)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)