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A mom concerned and hurting about daughters behavior.

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:01 PM
  • 24 Replies

I feel like my 4 yr. old dd is out of control! She has tantrums and meltdowns over just about any situation. We went through the same behavior when she was 2, which dh and I assumed to be the "terrible two" stage. At times, I thought dd would harm herself or others. For example, she would throw herself down extremely hard, become destructive, and hit me. Once she was around 3 yr. old, things seemed to be getting better for a while. She still had her tantrums time to time if she did not get her way or told the word "no". However, they were not as severe or as often.

My dd just turned 4 in June and we have begun to see the same behavior all over again! Over the past couple of months, the destructive behavior and other things I mentioned have resurfaced.  We've tried different methods of discipline. We have tried time outs, time to herself to calm down so we can then talk, and have taken some of her favorite things yet we have been unsuccessful. At times, she throws a fit when we parent her and other times she laughs at me and refuses to do anything I say.

I let her behavior REALLY affect me, which ultimately affects my relationship with dh and older dh (8 yr. old). Also, I have a 2 year old dd as well beginning to engage in the same behavior she sees from her older sister every day. I want to enjoy my three girls while they're small. I feel guilty that I have let things get out of control and feel hopeless some days. I feel that their behavior is a direct result of my parenting. I know she can be a great little girl. I have seen it in her before. ATM, I don't know what is going on with her or how to make things better before our family situation gets worse.

I am a SAHM, have taken a LOA from my online schooling, and engaged in parenting resources. I become a member of CM for great advice and tips. I even made an appt. with a therapist today. I just want to enjoy my children again without constantly having to discipline them.  I appreciate any advice!   

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:06 PM
1 mom liked this
((hugs)) mama hope the therapy helps.
strictmomhere
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:32 PM
2 moms liked this
Hugs i hope the therapist helps she may need counseling hugs
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Retrokitty
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:39 PM

Have you tried bear hugging her when she tantrums? Kids respond well to pressure. When shes enganging in self hurting behaviour shes doing it because the pressure feels good. Holding her down not only stops her from self harming but also adds that well needed pressure.It sounds as if shes having a hard time self regulating her impulse controls. I think therapy could be a good thing. There are also some techniques you could do to help her.

countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:39 PM
1 mom liked this

It can be tough with kids.  They often go through stages in life.  My mom has 7 kids and often said that we would all go through stages where our behavior would be worse.  She said it was ofthen that we were concentrating so hard on hitting some milestone(sometimes obvious ones like walking or reading and sometimes more hidden ones) and that we couldn't really do anything else until we hit that.  I am not saying in any way to excuse her behavior but hopefully it is just a phase.  Keep consistant and keep working on re-inforcing positive behavior and hopefully it is just a phase that she will grow out of.  Good luck.

jesus.hates.you
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 5:28 AM
1 mom liked this
Behavioral counseling.
Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 5:47 AM

I feel for you! Some kids are just so much tougher than others. They all usually thrive on routine and some rewards thrown in to work toward. I would stick with 1 punishment, such as loss of all electronics for a day, or a 4 minute time out, which ever works better. Whenever she is doing something good tell her! Or let her hear you call Grandma and tell her!

dancer
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 5:50 AM

Have you taken her to the doctor?  You need to. The behavior is only going to get worse.

hrmcglothin
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 7:56 AM

 I have tried bear hugging her when she gets out of control like that. It usually takes  a LONG time, a LOT of sweating, and resisting on her part. She also resist a lot by trying to hit me. However, iIt has helped at times. When she begins to engage in this behavior and have a full blown meltdown, it's as if she doesn't hear anything going on around her when I am trying to talk or reason with her. TY for your advice!

Quoting Retrokitty:

Have you tried bear hugging her when she tantrums? Kids respond well to pressure. When shes enganging in self hurting behaviour shes doing it because the pressure feels good. Holding her down not only stops her from self harming but also adds that well needed pressure.It sounds as if shes having a hard time self regulating her impulse controls. I think therapy could be a good thing. There are also some techniques you could do to help her.


 

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 7:59 AM
Stick with one consistant discipline.
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c_ramirez8606
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 8:01 AM
1 mom liked this

My son use to do this. Not as bas as your daughter though. When he gets like that, I bear hug him. It helps calm him down. Don't force your child to the ground and not let her get up. Just bear hug her, tell her, mommy loves you and you need to calm  down. It might help.

Good luck, I hope the therapist helps. 

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