I suggest you stop talking to me like that..you're 5 years old.
I don't know what to do about our 5 year old dd anymore. Ever since she turned 5 she's been out of control. It's always been bad, but good grief. Her attitude is horrible. Before, it would be that she was awful to me during the day (attitude, refusal to do things, fighting everything I'd say) and when dh would come home she would chill and do the things she was supposed to do during the day. Now, she's just horrible. It's to the point I don't want to be around her at all. She still talks to me horribly, is demanding and just disrespectful..but we've added in flat out refusal to do things. Time outs are ridiculous, it takes all day to get her to sit for 5 minutes and by then she's racked up so many for all the reasons I've listed that she'll be sitting there all night.
She refuses to clean her room, but dh doesn't feel like taking everything away except for her bed is the way to go about getting her to do it. I'm just done cleaning it. I can't even vacuum in there because there are toys strung everywhere. Then, she'll go in and mess up her brothers rooms, leaving an even bigger mess. Our house is in total disarray.
The attitude and disrespect, I don't know where to begin. I guess for about a year or so now, it's not been good. I would hear how I'm a bad mom and how dd wished she had a new family on multiple occasions or how she wished it was just her and our 2 month old living here..meaning she wished that our 2 year old wasn't here. This morning when I was telling her she needed to clean her room, she yelled "what the heck..do you not see I"m eating here?!" at me. This was a good hour after breakfast. Of course, she got a time out for yelling and speaking to me like that. Did she do it? Nope..she ran upstairs and back downstairs and said "I'm playing with brother" and took off again. She just refuses, and it's really starting to wear me down.
Food is a whole nother battle. She complains about being hungry up until food is ready, and then takes two bites and says she's full. Then bedtime comes around and all of a sudden she's starving. She takes snacks when I tell her no--like if it's too close to a meal, or she didn't finish a meal (not like I give her very much,..she gets as much as our 2 year old gets, and he out eats her), or has already had a snack and then will tauntingly eat it. I've put snacks up in the cabinet, but she'll still get stuff from the fridge.
Her doc suggested we put her on melatonin at her well child visit because we were having sleep issues. We waited until school started and then made the decision to start it because she was still staying up super late.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I've read parenting books and have asked advice, both on her and from friends/family, and nothing has worked. I'm at my breaking point and just ready to disconnect. If we don't figure something out soon, our other two are going to do the same thing. It's gotten to a point that she's even keeping the attitude and disrespect toward me when dh gets home and has started it towards him too.
We've cut electronics, and the only tv time she gets is if she's watching one of her movies. I don't know where all of this is coming from. Dh and I don't talk like that to one another, especially in front of the kids. We honestly hardly ever argue. I just don't know where to begin. Our 2 year old listens fairly well...about as good as a 2 year old. She'll say she's sorry and how she feels really bad about how she's acted, but then it's right back to the same ways again. Time outs aren't working. If I spank her, she screams at the top of her lungs and acts like I've broken her body the rest of the day. She'll say my butt still hurts 3 hours later when she's told to do something. Reasoning with her doesn't work. Doing some kind of reward chart doesn't work, because she wants the reward right then..even if it's set for the next day. Right now, we stay home because she's in half day K, but before she started school I refused to take them out when it was just me because she would start with the fits and attitude when we would go out if I didn't get her a toy/candy bar/snack/insert whatever she wanted here. We have never been the parents to give her everything she asked at the drop of a hat, but she's gotten in to this sense of entitlement, which has really spurred the escalated attitude/disrespect/refusal.
Clearly, we're doing something wrong for it to be this bad, but I don't know what it is. She has a good life, we're good parents (as good as we can be I guess). I'm sure some would agree and other may disagree. She definitely doesn't lack in any area, but doesn't get everything she wants when she wants it. I'm not looking for a short and easy answer, I know this will take time to correct...but I don't know how to correct it when everything we've tried has failed.