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fighting addiction....please help (PIOG)

Posted by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:48 AM
  • 8 Replies

I really need some help. My fiance is fighting addiction of Meth really bad. I feel so helpless to his situation. I have always stood by his side and supported his decisions, but I find my self having a hard time doing so since he opened up to me about his addiction (I knew he had done it in the past but I wasn't aware he was still using). He hasn't used for a while now but he says that he has been craving it and that's all he thinks about but he wants to stop. Have any of you ladies been through this? What did you do to help your loved on over come their addiction. I don't want to get mad at him cause I am afraid he might do it behind my back. I want him to know I am here for him and I will help him with this. I am feeling so lost and heart broken for him. TIA 

by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:48 AM
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Replies (1-8):
mamakin616
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:00 AM

 Has he been to a rehab to get treatment...Most people can try over and over to stop using things like meth/crack /herion..but if they don't seek treatment..they usually fail..They have out-patient programs for people who can not miss /stop working to enter a program..There are also methadone clininc..The first thing you have to learn and remember is that YOU are not responsible for his decisions..you cannot tip toe around for fear of setting him off...He has to do it for himself and it is a long hard road..I have dealt with this with-in my family ..crack addiction..and one of the first things I learned was that I was not in any way responsible for that persons actions..and that there was nothing I can do to help them stop ..accept offer to be a support system if they need to talk when they feel they may use again.

4evernever7713
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:07 AM

Thank you! I know I am not responsible for his decisions but I feel like I there is more I can do to help. I just dont know what. He has joined a program through our church and he it seems to be helping and he doesn't want to use anything, not even the Methadone. He just wants to be done with it. I know a lot of his friends have used or are using so I asked him to not hang out with them, and to possibly change his number. He has stopped hanging out with his friends as much as he was. This is all new to me and very scary.  


Quoting mamakin616:

 Has he been to a rehab to get treatment...Most people can try over and over to stop using things like meth/crack /herion..but if they don't seek treatment..they usually fail..They have out-patient programs for people who can not miss /stop working to enter a program..There are also methadone clininc..The first thing you have to learn and remember is that YOU are not responsible for his decisions..you cannot tip toe around for fear of setting him off...He has to do it for himself and it is a long hard road..I have dealt with this with-in my family ..crack addiction..and one of the first things I learned was that I was not in any way responsible for that persons actions..and that there was nothing I can do to help them stop ..accept offer to be a support system if they need to talk when they feel they may use again.


 

LADYxGHOST
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:08 AM

Honestly the best thing for him and you is to set VERY CLEAR BOUNDRIES. Heart broken or not, you can not enable his addiction. (Not saying you are at this moment, but many well intentioned loved ones end up enabling the addicted person in various ways) Be very clear that you need him to be honest about his usage and feeling above all else. He needs to seek assistance thorugh counceling, NA, etc and stick to the program, he needs to be commited to overcoming this addiction, he needs to acknowledge he understand these requirments and the concequneces of failing.  If he has a mis-step and uses due ot an isolated event and is honest then that is fine but if it becaomes habit to have these relapses, then that is not. You need to be prepared to either leave or kick him out, you also need to be prepared to "hold his hand" through the garabe that will come up. usually people turn to drugs as a way to hide from or numb past hurts. These need delt with and he needs love and support through them (not enabled to use drugs). You need to get a support system of your own as well, like NAR-ANON, a group of family, friends affected by loved ones addiction, it is a support group for them.  Be strong and be commited. It will be a hard road regardless of the outcome, it will be painful as well. The more support you have the better. I caution against having friends or your family members as your direct suppport, they can either be to biased for or against your fiance and honestly many parents will not forgive or forget the hardships the fiance caused their daughter and it will taint their relationship forever if they know too much of the details. Letting them know he is struggling with fighting his addiction and he is in recovery is fine but the day to day troubles are not. You need a place you cna vent without fear of it coming back to your fiance or tainting the relationship your fiance has with a friend  or family member. You need a place to be totely honest and get feedback that isn't biased but from people who have been there or are going through the same thing.

LADYxGHOST
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:12 AM

 

FYI- one of the steps in recovery is NOT to hang out where you used, or with those you used with or other users. He needs to stop hanging out with them period. He needs to not just hang out less, but not hang out at all. Depending on the relationship, he honestly needs to have nothing more to do with them ever. if it is his family member, he needs to cut ties while he gets clean and stays clean and is stable before he has any contact with them and even then it should be in a group setting and never alone unless they themselves have cleaned up past the 1 year mark.

Quoting 4evernever7713:

Thank you! I know I am not responsible for his decisions but I feel like I there is more I can do to help. I just dont know what. He has joined a program through our church and he it seems to be helping and he doesn't want to use anything, not even the Methadone. He just wants to be done with it. I know a lot of his friends have used or are using so I asked him to not hang out with them, and to possibly change his number. He has stopped hanging out with his friends as much as he was. This is all new to me and very scary.  

 

Quoting mamakin616:

 Has he been to a rehab to get treatment...Most people can try over and over to stop using things like meth/crack /herion..but if they don't seek treatment..they usually fail..They have out-patient programs for people who can not miss /stop working to enter a program..There are also methadone clininc..The first thing you have to learn and remember is that YOU are not responsible for his decisions..you cannot tip toe around for fear of setting him off...He has to do it for himself and it is a long hard road..I have dealt with this with-in my family ..crack addiction..and one of the first things I learned was that I was not in any way responsible for that persons actions..and that there was nothing I can do to help them stop ..accept offer to be a support system if they need to talk when they feel they may use again.

 

 


 

4evernever7713
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:19 AM

Thank you very much for your response. He has joined a program through our church and has done very well sticking to it. It has been months since he used last. He is aware that I will not tolerate it at all. I have full intentions of standing by his side til the end, no matter the outcome. He doesn't get mean or anything like that when he isn't using so I am blessed for that. He has done very good about working everyday and not coming up with an excuse to no go, or to go hang out with friends. He doesn't even hang out with his friends unless they come to the house, while I am home, and that was his choice 100% I feel like he is really serious about getting off of this crap. I just want to know  I am doing all I can for him.  


Quoting LADYxGHOST:

Honestly the best thing for him and you is to set VERY CLEAR BOUNDRIES. Heart broken or not, you can not enable his addiction. (Not saying you are at this moment, but many well intentioned loved ones end up enabling the addicted person in various ways) Be very clear that you need him to be honest about his usage and feeling above all else. He needs to seek assistance thorugh counceling, NA, etc and stick to the program, he needs to be commited to overcoming this addiction, he needs to acknowledge he understand these requirments and the concequneces of failing.  If he has a mis-step and uses due ot an isolated event and is honest then that is fine but if it becaomes habit to have these relapses, then that is not. You need to be prepared to either leave or kick him out, you also need to be prepared to "hold his hand" through the garabe that will come up. usually people turn to drugs as a way to hide from or numb past hurts. These need delt with and he needs love and support through them (not enabled to use drugs). You need to get a support system of your own as well, like NAR-ANON, a group of family, friends affected by loved ones addiction, it is a support group for them.  Be strong and be commited. It will be a hard road regardless of the outcome, it will be painful as well. The more support you have the better. I caution against having friends or your family members as your direct suppport, they can either be to biased for or against your fiance and honestly many parents will not forgive or forget the hardships the fiance caused their daughter and it will taint their relationship forever if they know too much of the details. Letting them know he is struggling with fighting his addiction and he is in recovery is fine but the day to day troubles are not. You need a place you cna vent without fear of it coming back to your fiance or tainting the relationship your fiance has with a friend  or family member. You need a place to be totely honest and get feedback that isn't biased but from people who have been there or are going through the same thing.


 

LADYxGHOST
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:26 AM

 

From the sounds of it, yes your are. Just be sure to take care of yourself. He needs you to be strong, emotionally and mentally.

Quoting 4evernever7713:

Thank you very much for your response. He has joined a program through our church and has done very well sticking to it. It has been months since he used last. He is aware that I will not tolerate it at all. I have full intentions of standing by his side til the end, no matter the outcome. He doesn't get mean or anything like that when he isn't using so I am blessed for that. He has done very good about working everyday and not coming up with an excuse to no go, or to go hang out with friends. He doesn't even hang out with his friends unless they come to the house, while I am home, and that was his choice 100% I feel like he is really serious about getting off of this crap. I just want to know  I am doing all I can for him.  

 

Quoting LADYxGHOST:

Honestly the best thing for him and you is to set VERY CLEAR BOUNDRIES. Heart broken or not, you can not enable his addiction. (Not saying you are at this moment, but many well intentioned loved ones end up enabling the addicted person in various ways) Be very clear that you need him to be honest about his usage and feeling above all else. He needs to seek assistance thorugh counceling, NA, etc and stick to the program, he needs to be commited to overcoming this addiction, he needs to acknowledge he understand these requirments and the concequneces of failing.  If he has a mis-step and uses due ot an isolated event and is honest then that is fine but if it becaomes habit to have these relapses, then that is not. You need to be prepared to either leave or kick him out, you also need to be prepared to "hold his hand" through the garabe that will come up. usually people turn to drugs as a way to hide from or numb past hurts. These need delt with and he needs love and support through them (not enabled to use drugs). You need to get a support system of your own as well, like NAR-ANON, a group of family, friends affected by loved ones addiction, it is a support group for them.  Be strong and be commited. It will be a hard road regardless of the outcome, it will be painful as well. The more support you have the better. I caution against having friends or your family members as your direct suppport, they can either be to biased for or against your fiance and honestly many parents will not forgive or forget the hardships the fiance caused their daughter and it will taint their relationship forever if they know too much of the details. Letting them know he is struggling with fighting his addiction and he is in recovery is fine but the day to day troubles are not. You need a place you cna vent without fear of it coming back to your fiance or tainting the relationship your fiance has with a friend  or family member. You need a place to be totely honest and get feedback that isn't biased but from people who have been there or are going through the same thing.

 

 


 

Jonmadsmama
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:30 AM
A family member of mine had an addiction to pain killers which is an opiate drug. He got into the suboxone program. It is an out patient program where they go once a week for the first month and get the medication to stop withdrawals then after the first month it is once a month. The doc that fm goes to requires a once a month group therapy session. It has changed his life! I am not sure if this can be used to treat meth addiction but it is something you can check into. Hope this helps.
4evernever7713
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:31 AM

Thank you, I think I am being pretty strong.  


Quoting LADYxGHOST:

 

From the sounds of it, yes your are. Just be sure to take care of yourself. He needs you to be strong, emotionally and mentally.

Quoting 4evernever7713:

Thank you very much for your response. He has joined a program through our church and has done very well sticking to it. It has been months since he used last. He is aware that I will not tolerate it at all. I have full intentions of standing by his side til the end, no matter the outcome. He doesn't get mean or anything like that when he isn't using so I am blessed for that. He has done very good about working everyday and not coming up with an excuse to no go, or to go hang out with friends. He doesn't even hang out with his friends unless they come to the house, while I am home, and that was his choice 100% I feel like he is really serious about getting off of this crap. I just want to know  I am doing all I can for him.  

 

Quoting LADYxGHOST:

Honestly the best thing for him and you is to set VERY CLEAR BOUNDRIES. Heart broken or not, you can not enable his addiction. (Not saying you are at this moment, but many well intentioned loved ones end up enabling the addicted person in various ways) Be very clear that you need him to be honest about his usage and feeling above all else. He needs to seek assistance thorugh counceling, NA, etc and stick to the program, he needs to be commited to overcoming this addiction, he needs to acknowledge he understand these requirments and the concequneces of failing.  If he has a mis-step and uses due ot an isolated event and is honest then that is fine but if it becaomes habit to have these relapses, then that is not. You need to be prepared to either leave or kick him out, you also need to be prepared to "hold his hand" through the garabe that will come up. usually people turn to drugs as a way to hide from or numb past hurts. These need delt with and he needs love and support through them (not enabled to use drugs). You need to get a support system of your own as well, like NAR-ANON, a group of family, friends affected by loved ones addiction, it is a support group for them.  Be strong and be commited. It will be a hard road regardless of the outcome, it will be painful as well. The more support you have the better. I caution against having friends or your family members as your direct suppport, they can either be to biased for or against your fiance and honestly many parents will not forgive or forget the hardships the fiance caused their daughter and it will taint their relationship forever if they know too much of the details. Letting them know he is struggling with fighting his addiction and he is in recovery is fine but the day to day troubles are not. You need a place you cna vent without fear of it coming back to your fiance or tainting the relationship your fiance has with a friend  or family member. You need a place to be totely honest and get feedback that isn't biased but from people who have been there or are going through the same thing.

 

 

 

 


 

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