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Awful birth experience and how to get over it

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 3:10 PM
  • 64 Replies

My daughter was born 34 months ago, and to this day I can hardly think about that time in the hospital. I still get angry over it, I still cry about it sometimes, and I still feel violated and robbed of what a birth is supposed to be. I know there are other women in similar situations, I just wonder if any of them are here. And if you have any advice on how to get past it.

Yes, my daughter is fine and healthy and perfect in every way. It's not about that. And I don't want to hear that the baby is all that matters. It's not. If you haven't been there, you probably wouldn't get that.

by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 3:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommyof11050307
by Bronze Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 3:15 PM
None of my births went the way I wanted them to. All three kids were born at 36 weeks my first and third were traumatic. My son I was induced at 36 weeks because of toxemia and was left in the hospital for four days before I had him. He ended up in the nicu for 7 days. With my youngest my water broke at 36 weeks and I hemeroage at home and had ems take me to the hospital. I had her with in 15 mins of arriving at the hospital via emergency section. It's just a birth and as long as my kids are healthy I'm fine with it. My kids know how to come into this world with a bang and I've come to deal with it. All I want is a healthy baby.
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sara170
by Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 3:18 PM


I am here. My daughter is now 9. I still get mad. I still cry. I still feel violated. And you are right, no one will understand. Sorry, I don't have any advice on how to get over it. But, maybe someone else will, I will follow your post and see.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 3:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Maybe you need counseling if you can't get over it by now. What was so violating??
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JTE11
by Bronze Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 3:33 PM
4 moms liked this

I had a traumatic birth and the only thing that I could do, short of go back in time and change things, is just learn to accept it or at least make peace with it. If it's not something you can do on your own you can find a good counselor who can help you work through your feelings. What helped me was to focus on the things that went right, and to replay it in my mind the way I would have wanted it to go, and then replay it in my mind the way it was and try to see that, at least in my case, the doctors made the only decisions they could as they came up. You can also write a letter to the doctors and let them know how you feel about everything (and not mail it), but just to get it all out. I can be stubborn and I refuse to let the past drag me down because I have a demanding DD to deal with every day and I need to be at my best. You don't have to let this be an anchor around your neck, you can get help. Good luck. :)

paintitblack0
by Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Nothing went according to plan for me. Ended up with a c-sec. I got over it but took me2yrs or so

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 4:43 PM
2 moms liked this
I think too many seem to have this happy fun birth in their head. Dreaming of a birth that does not exist. Birth's hurt like hell and are terrible. The second it was over, I was over the pain and moved on.
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Mtdewwid
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 4:48 PM
What about the birth makes you feel this way, if you don't mind me asking?
littlebugs2113
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 4:54 PM
Neither births went as planned for me. One an emergency c-section Followed by a week in the hospital in the NICU for baby. going home without him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and wondering if he would live or die. It was a nightmare come true. However, the child living and healthy IS all that mattered in the end. Not everything in life goes how we want it to, sometimes we just have to accept that and move on.

If your child is almost 3years old and the birth experience is still bothering you, you might want to see a counselor.
Karmea
by Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 6:04 PM

I understand why you ask, and I apologize for being vague. It's easier for me to just avoid thinking about the details if I don't have to. Besides, in the past several days that I've been looking around this site I've noticed that the more personal detail a person goes into, the more some people (far too many, if you ask me) feel they have a right to judge and bitch and sling insults around and I'm not interested in playing that game.

Suffice to say, aside from me bringing home a healthy baby, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. My body, my bank account, my personal values and my self-esteem all went through the blender and at this point there's no light at the end of any of those tunnels.

Thanks to everyone who left a thoughtful response.

Quoting Mtdewwid:

What about the birth makes you feel this way, if you don't mind me asking?



Mtdewwid
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 6:12 PM
Sorry mama, I understand that. Only asked because my first two births were miserable experiences for me. I always knew birth was painful, that's not what upset me. With both, I had epidurals that didn't work, pitocin set too high that made my contractions last for 10 minutes at one point(seriously, not a lie), my DD was wedged in my pelvis and I was repeatedly told that the pain in my hip couldn't be abdormal, the list goes on. At the end I have two beautiful kids, but damn. Number three is on the way and I'm beyond nervous. Sorry about whatever your experience was though...it happens sadly.


Quoting Karmea:

I understand why you ask, and I apologize for being vague. It's easier for me to just avoid thinking about the details if I don't have to. Besides, in the past several days that I've been looking around this site I've noticed that the more personal detail a person goes into, the more some people (far too many, if you ask me) feel they have a right to judge and bitch and sling insults around and I'm not interested in playing that game.

Suffice to say, aside from me bringing home a healthy baby, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. My body, my bank account, my personal values and my self-esteem all went through the blender and at this point there's no light at the end of any of those tunnels.

Thanks to everyone who left a thoughtful response.

Quoting Mtdewwid:

What about the birth makes you feel this way, if you don't mind me asking?





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