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Need advice... Idk what to do anymore.

Posted by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 8:34 AM
  • 10 Replies

I am here just asking for advice or anything..

I am a mom of 3 kids ages 8, 7 (has bipolar, adhd, odd, ptsd) & 6yr old. Went thru complete hell with their bio father with abuse.. wont go into details but my kids suffererd a lot more and still are. Recently married, been with this guy for 2yrs, kids love him to death, call him daddy and he is great with them. Problem is he was a drug addict in the past and alcoholic. recently he started drinking again, i gave him a choice either the bottle or us his family. Well 2nights ago we were argueing and he started drinking at 9am yesterday and got so drunk that he got very ignorant with me then went into an emotional stage. I make him go into the bedroom when kids got home from school bc my kids been thru enough and i dont want them seeing that. I go in to check on him about an hour later and he slit his wrist multiple times ( this is the 2nd time since we have been together hes tried killing himself). He is ok. He's in hospital.

I am so unsure what to do! I dont want this life anymore. Im now trapped, I dont work bc of my medical condition and a lot of issues with my daughter. Only money we have is her ssi and thats it. My husband does work and makes very good money but i want out of this i think.... We live in country and i dont drive, theres nothing around for me to walk to to get a job. Im litterally stuck! I dont know what to do. Im tired of hurting and crying and its not fair to my kids at all! we deserve better i think i just want to be alone with my kids again but i dont know how to  do it.

I dont know... sorry this is so long, any advice would help thanks Amy

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 8:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:20 AM

((hugs))  This is a terrible time for you. Get your drivers license (if you have to hire a taxi to get lessons, then do so),  get job training,  get a job. This is all challenging, but you need to turn your life around, which means you'll need to take the initiative and make things improve. Consult a lawyer about whatever you have in mind about your husband. If you think the marriage is beyond saving, then do what you need to do.  Good luck to you, and prayers.

lilmommyof21988
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:36 AM

Been there but u got to do what u have to for ur babies and u also dont need that :( if u have any family that u can call and explain ur situation or a friend and ask for help. I also been at a woman's shelter and since u have kids they will help u get on ur feet but u would have to make allot of sacrifices for ur kids.Good luck hun and i hope everything gets better for u and ur family

a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:55 AM
You are not stuck. Things may be hard but there is always a way. Get your license, live with friends or family, apply for assistance, look for a job, etc. it will be stressful but you can do it. Just keep your kids and their emotional well-being in mind to help drive you
strictmomhere
by Platinum Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 10:13 AM
Hugs
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bamababe1975
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 1:33 PM

 I agree with this. You may not be able to see the way right now, but look and you'll find a way. Good luck!! ((HUGS))

Quoting a_and_j_momma:

You are not stuck. Things may be hard but there is always a way. Get your license, live with friends or family, apply for assistance, look for a job, etc. it will be stressful but you can do it. Just keep your kids and their emotional well-being in mind to help drive you

 



veggiemom474
by Bronze Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:32 PM

I was married to a bipolar alcoholic for 17 years. There's no changing the man. I'm sorry you have to deal with this again. You know, you need to leave. You WILL know when you're ready. If your ready to leave now, get online and find some emergency help in the town. You live with an abusive alcoholic, at the very least someone should be abe to guide you to some local resources. Calling on family should be first choice, but if that won't work there are resources for women in your situation. Start making plans now, you can't stay with this man. He's not gonna change for anyone, and if he does you will probably be gone already. My ex husband never stopped drinking even after I left, and he's drinking more than ever 4 years later. Stay strong.

DragonFly0219
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:35 PM

thank you everyone for the advice and all.

Like iv said, i am stuck.. i can not work bc of my medical condition. have 2 surgerys coming up (1 for gyn issues, the other for a large tumor) and struggleing with ulcerative colitis. yes i do qualify for ssi but that would take years to get. reason i havent applied b4 is bc well of course i didnt expect this to happen with my husband and after i got myself together i want to go back to work asap. I am not from a very good family. theres a lot of drugs and homelessness in my family and the only person i really have to turn to is my father, he has a 14yr & 17yr old kids plus raising my 2yr & 7month old nephew & neice so theres not much he can help with... actually my husband and i have helped him out a lot bc times are rough on him also.

Idk if i should give my husband another chance. My kids love him and alls they know is daddy is at hospital bc he has a bad belly ach and they are very worried about him. we do get a long great when he doesnt drink. i just dont know what to do still. and like iv said i live in the country so if i wanted to get help from the state they would make me take classes for money... problem there is i dont drive. getting a lisence takes time also.

a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:38 PM
Honestly, not saying this to be mean but this is full of excuses. Even if things take time, there is no reason not to apply or try


Quoting DragonFly0219:

thank you everyone for the advice and all.


Like iv said, i am stuck.. i can not work bc of my medical condition. have 2 surgerys coming up (1 for gyn issues, the other for a large tumor) and struggleing with ulcerative colitis. yes i do qualify for ssi but that would take years to get. reason i havent applied b4 is bc well of course i didnt expect this to happen with my husband and after i got myself together i want to go back to work asap. I am not from a very good family. theres a lot of drugs and homelessness in my family and the only person i really have to turn to is my father, he has a 14yr & 17yr old kids plus raising my 2yr & 7month old nephew & neice so theres not much he can help with... actually my husband and i have helped him out a lot bc times are rough on him also.


Idk if i should give my husband another chance. My kids love him and alls they know is daddy is at hospital bc he has a bad belly ach and they are very worried about him. we do get a long great when he doesnt drink. i just dont know what to do still. and like iv said i live in the country so if i wanted to get help from the state they would make me take classes for money... problem there is i dont drive. getting a lisence takes time also.


DragonFly0219
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:39 PM

my husband isnt abusive at all torwards me or the kids. he just drinks only when we argue. last major time was a yr in a half ago. i have been in a safe shelter bc of my kids father was abusive and i know they wont help since my husband now is not. he just needs a new way to cope with his anger when we argue. mayb marriage counseling idk

DragonFly0219
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:41 PM

i never said i WONT try and apply for things. the fact still stands that i can not get to anywheres to do anything! if i can not work then theres not much i can do. i wont put myself in risk of working again and harming myself more when i have kids to think about. i am going for my lisence as soon as i have the money to do so. these are not excuses! i am a very strong women and will do whatever it takes to get by for my babies but as of right now i am limited

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