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too much on my hands ???

Posted by on Sep. 27, 2013 at 2:48 PM
  • 7 Replies
Hi girls my name is stefani and I'm new at this group I love how close and helpful everyone is which makes me want to be part of it too I'm open to give advices too but at this momment I really need one from you girls.
I have a daughter of my own and two step sons boys are 5&4 and girl is 3 which automatically makes hard enough. I love this boys a lot I try to do as much as I can for thm just like my daughter I try to not make any differences between them but lately I just feel tired of it all overwhelmed and just want to grab my daughter and run away from the big responsabilty I put my self tro I don't know if I'm just tired of routine or its a normal phase moms go thro or am I just a horrible mom that can't take it I work full time sometimes on weekends too but at a regular schedule I come home from work to a messy house socks, backpack, toys, shoes , food so I have to pik up fix something for kids to eat than they want to go out and play depending of how much energy I gt left ill take them out than help oldest with homework get them showered and everything to get them ready to bed get ther clothes ready for next day and battle with them to go to sleep I do that over and over and when I got a weekend off I use it to clean wash clothes and everythin I need to catch up on all this while my bf either sleeps or work he works graveyard so during I'm at work he takes oldest son to school piks him up and "watches " other two in betwwen naps I knw its hard for him too but whts bothers me is that he thinks he does it all by himself I feel I'm taken for granted when Im the one doin the stuff their mom is soppost to but she rather go to texas with her husband but that's another diffrent issue I feel trapped I can't go to bk to school cx he needs me at home at certain time online ists just a no no I just feel I pride my self from doin other things I would like too or need too and instead of gettin a thanks for helping out when its not my obligation instead is u need help me more I do it all I work ?? Hrs I don't sleep wht about me I sleep 5-6 hours yes but I'm busy tro out the whole dayy help get me out of my frustruation please
by on Sep. 27, 2013 at 2:48 PM
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Replies (1-7):
strictmomhere
by Platinum Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Your step sons are 5-4?
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veggiemom474
by Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:33 PM
2 moms liked this

Well, I'm stepmom to 2 children and I have 1 bio daughter. they all live with us full time. Except the SK's go to moms on weekends. YES! I get overwhelmed too. I work full time and spend a lot of alone time caring for them each night. But im extremely fortunate to have a partner who does not take me for granted

It sounds like your husband is taking you for granted. You won't last long this way. Resentment is building, and I'll bet you won't put up with this much longer without more support from dad. And the kids need to learn to help you around the house. At their ages they can pick up the stuff they throw on the floor. You need to have a serious talk with your husband about how you're feeling, You're FEELINGS, not just how your tired. Explain how you feel taken advantage of, and don't want to feel obligated to do all the things their mom would be doing if she were there. He needs to know you're overwhelmed, If he really doesn't show concern, I really don't think you'll last too much longer. He needs to know that. 

anotherandree
by Inga on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:42 PM

I agree with this completely.  Use your feeling words like anger, frusration, resentment because you will be using them as you are heading out the door in a few months.  Also, I understand that your boyfriend works graveyard and that is a horrible shirt, but unless he is working 18hr shifts, there is no reason why his happy ass is not helping out too.  He has got to be home and awake at leave some of the time you and the kids are home.  At 4-5, the kids are perfectly able to pick up their own rooms, put their backpacks where they belong, put their own dishes in the sink, and be pretty self-sufficient.

Quoting veggiemom474:

Well, I'm stepmom to 2 children and I have 1 bio daughter. they all live with us full time. Except the SK's go to moms on weekends. YES! I get overwhelmed too. I work full time and spend a lot of alone time caring for them each night. But im extremely fortunate to have a partner who does not take me for granted

It sounds like your husband is taking you for granted. You won't last long this way. Resentment is building, and I'll bet you won't put up with this much longer without more support from dad. And the kids need to learn to help you around the house. At their ages they can pick up the stuff they throw on the floor. You need to have a serious talk with your husband about how you're feeling, You're FEELINGS, not just how your tired. Explain how you feel taken advantage of, and don't want to feel obligated to do all the things their mom would be doing if she were there. He needs to know you're overwhelmed, If he really doesn't show concern, I really don't think you'll last too much longer. He needs to know that. 


spizzarks1978
by Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:52 PM

I'm not trying to be negative but your post was hard to read without punctuation.  Use periods at the end of your sentences.  PLEASE!!

Now onto your problem.  Sounds like you are doing the job of a mom.  All moms do those things on a daily basis.  I'm at work right now, and when I leave here I have to pick up my daughter, help her with homework, make dinner, do the dishes, give her a bath or shower (the shower is actually easier, because she does the washing up herself) then clean up the house.  When my husband finally gets home at 7:30 our DD goes to bed, we switch off who reads a story every other night, then he eats dinner and I have to entertain him till I pass out.  I don't see or talk to him all day and at the end of the day I just want to sit on the couch, watch some TV, not listen to him go on and on and on for hours about shit I just don't care about.  I want to tell him to be quiet or just shut up but that's not nice, I'm his wife and I appreciate the fact that he wants to talk to me.  Then on the weekends we clean the house and do the laundry and go to the market.  Run errands and try to squeeze in some family fun time.  It's the joys of being an adult.  #1 reason why I tell my DD all the time to not rush growing up.  enjoy being little as long as she can.

My suggestion is have the kids help out.  My DD folds laundry, puts her cloths away, sweeps the floor, cleans her room, puts her book bag and papers away, feeds the hamster and cleans the cage (with a little bit of help of course) she dusts and will use the hand vacuum to vacuum the corners of rooms and edges of the carpet that the big vacuum won't get.  We all do the housework together at the same time, that way we are all doing something and not one person sitting on the couch doing nothing for the other people to feel like they are doing everything.  oooooooor you could just not do anything and make your SO realize how much you DO do around the house and maybe he will either start to help out or shut his mouth!!

luckydhb
by New Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:29 PM
Thank you so much I feel better to know I'm not alone and that thers more moms that understands how I feel I know this is a late repost but I apreciate a lot your word of advice and to tell you that you were right my resistant to all this has worn out lately I been doing as much possible to not watch my stepsons I feel bad a horrible person for doin it but I have lost all patience and enjoyment of helping my husband I hate how's heis always telling all our friends "yep I do it all I work graveyard 10+hrs I cook I take care of kids I take them to school" etc and I wouldn't mine if that was true but its not yes he works graveyard and when he comes home he falls asleep out of the 8 hrs I'm at work he watches them maybe about 4hrs because kids get up start playing and trashing the place if there hungry they feed them selves snacks I live them in frindge my daughter is usually at my moms and the oldest goes to school for abt 4hrs so his really not with them all the time cooks he does that once in the blue moon I refuse to cook for him because I'm limited to what I kcan cook and he is the pikiest person when it comes to food so ill just cook stuff for the kids that I know they eat all his coments and the fact that there mom keeps rembering that their not kids just so I won't forget she says and the fact that I pride my self from other things I would like to do because I need to be at home watching thm has made me stop and drop everything like I said I will live go to gym or work extra hrs to not be home the way I see it if he says he does it all than ther should be no difference he shoulnt notice I'm really physically not there right? I'm a mess I feel I'm letting go of everything and becoming so distance from him and the boys one side of me says I'm doing wrong and another says just let it go


Quoting veggiemom474:

Well, I'm stepmom to 2 children and I have 1 bio daughter. they all live with us full time. Except the SK's go to moms on weekends. YES! I get overwhelmed too. I work full time and spend a lot of alone time caring for them each night. But im extremely fortunate to have a partner who does not take me for granted


It sounds like your husband is taking you for granted. You won't last long this way. Resentment is building, and I'll bet you won't put up with this much longer without more support from dad. And the kids need to learn to help you around the house. At their ages they can pick up the stuff they throw on the floor. You need to have a serious talk with your husband about how you're feeling, You're FEELINGS, not just how your tired. Explain how you feel taken advantage of, and don't want to feel obligated to do all the things their mom would be doing if she were there. He needs to know you're overwhelmed, If he really doesn't show concern, I really don't think you'll last too much longer. He needs to know that. 


luckydhb
by New Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:36 PM
spizzarks1978 thanks for your advice too I really apreciate all kinds of views and sorry Im not the best writer I really post this comments because I feel desperate for help and advices from other moms spelling and punctuation marks are the last thing in my mind sorry but answering your post yes I'm doin a moms job I see that I understand that I would just like som help some acknowledgedment of what I do for his kids and that's its not my obligation their not my responsibility I do what I do because I care for them I love them and I want to but its discouraging when ur trying to go the extra mile for someone u really don't have to and they say it " ain't enough, I don't do nothing"
nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 2:15 PM

Spell-check is your friend. Unfortunately, no punctuation, no paragraphs, bad spelling, and made-up words, make it VERY hard to understand what you are trying to say.

That being said - is your boyfriend the father of your child? If not, then why should he help out? He has a free housekeeper / babysitter, with benefits. What are you getting out of this relationship?

Sit down with boyfriend and have a long talk about just what a partnership is SUPPOSED be. Tell him how you feel. Have a real discussion on the problems in your relationship.

You both need to come to some kind of an agreement on - first - discipline for ALL of the children, then cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.

If he is unwilling to grow up and live up to his responsibilities I would seriously consider moving on - on my own.

Quoting luckydhb:

spizzarks1978 thanks for your advice too I really apreciate all kinds of views and sorry Im not the best writer I really post this comments because I feel desperate for help and advices from other moms spelling and punctuation marks are the last thing in my mind sorry but answering your post yes I'm doin a moms job I see that I understand that I would just like som help some acknowledgedment of what I do for his kids and that's its not my obligation their not my responsibility I do what I do because I care for them I love them and I want to but its discouraging when ur trying to go the extra mile for someone u really don't have to and they say it " ain't enough, I don't do nothing"


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