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My husband has no life outside of me & it's draining!

Posted by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 8:28 AM
  • 12 Replies
I don't know what else to do. I am constantly being drained. My husband looks to me to fill all
Of his interests, spare time & leisure without having a single friendship that he pursues (with another guy) or a hobby unless he feels that "I love him" before he has to go and do it. And I am just getting so tired of it. We go to church & he doesn't try to talk to ANYONE. Most social events he just sticks right by my side. I am so bogged down by this.
I am thankful that he loves me so much & wants to spend time with me but I know that God did not create ME to be his all & all without no other friendships with friends or personal
Interests to pursue.

Any wisdom for this?
by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 8:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 8:36 AM
Everyone needs a life outside of their spouse and kids.
Dh has work events with no spouses. Thank goodness, lol. He also smokes cigars some at a cigar bar and is social there.
I belong to a ladies social newcomers club and once a month there is some type of activity that we both attend together.
I also volunteer with a group who perform plays for elementary kids.
We both socialize together and separate, which is great. As empty nesters we need do have activities also. Some have their kids as their center and are lost once they are gone and have no marriage left.
Is some of this trust issues for him?? If so that would be a deal breaker for me.
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iamcafemom83
by Mariah on Sep. 29, 2013 at 8:39 AM
3 moms liked this
The only thing I can suggest is for you to plan some non husband outings like pedicures with friends or shopping, etc and stick him with the kids.
You may not be able to get him off of you at mutual places (like church), but you can create your own outings and get away.
Bmat
by Barb on Sep. 29, 2013 at 8:57 AM

Look around for something that will interest him- classes at the college, volunteering with a church group, walking in the neighborhood and talking with other guys there.

If he likes sports,  try to get him to attend local sports- such as high school or whatever is in your area.

I'd lightly and gently suggest that he ask Ted (or Bill or?)  to attend a local sport, or go bowling.  How about enrolling in a health club where he can try out the weights.

emmy526
by Silver Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 9:09 AM
2 moms liked this

sounds like a form of social anxiety to me, and there's more to it than just being clingy.  How about both of you talking to your church pastor for some guidance, or you go alone to talk to him?  Inform your husband that while you love him, it is suffocating to you as a person to constantly be smothered with his company and attention 24/7, and it's starting to build resentment.  Let him know you want to work on the issue with him to help, but ultimately it is up to him to want to make friends.  If he doesn't know how to make friends, maybe the pastor can suggest some ideas..is there a men's club at the church he could participate in?  If he even refuses to attend a men's club at church because you can't go, there is more to the problem than meets the eye. 

newmomof1won
by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Quoting iamcafemom83:

The only thing I can suggest is for you to plan some non husband outings like pedicures with friends or shopping, etc and stick him with the kids.
You may not be able to get him off of you at mutual places (like church), but you can create your own outings and get away.




I do. But even when we're at home unless he has constant approval and interaction from
Me he won't do anything.
alexsmomaubrys2
by Silver Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 9:54 AM

Sounds like marriage counseling would be good for both of you. 

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 10:05 AM
Was he this way before you married??


Quoting newmomof1won:

Quoting iamcafemom83:

The only thing I can suggest is for you to plan some non husband outings like pedicures with friends or shopping, etc and stick him with the kids.

You may not be able to get him off of you at mutual places (like church), but you can create your own outings and get away.







I do. But even when we're at home unless he has constant approval and interaction from

Me he won't do anything.

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AM-BRAT
by Amber on Sep. 29, 2013 at 3:43 PM

I can see how that would be frustrating but I went through the opposite problem so am no help. Gl, I would enjoy the opportunity to do things with dh.

JennasMom2
by Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 5:10 PM

Have you ever told him how you feel? Does he know that you are drained? What does he say?

ChancesMommy07
by Silver Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 5:16 PM

That would drive me up the wall. My DH has a core group of buddies and then he has an extended group that he hangs with at car shows and stuff. They go fishing, hunting, camping, car shows, sporting events, etc. together. Just like I have a group of girlfriends that I go out and do things with. Find him a hobby and then maybe by going to a few things with him and striking up conversations with other guys that like the same thing you can steer him towards some friends.

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