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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Terrible Two's

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 12:56 AM
  • 25 Replies
1 mom liked this
Lately my 2 yr old has been acting out more than usual.He cries and screams when he doesn't get his way.I would like to get some advice from moms who have or are going thru this
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 12:56 AM
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buttersworth
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 1:02 AM
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i have gone through this, and i am going through this.

advice?

if the child is having a tantrum your best defense is to remove him from the room, the situation, or distract him to something else.

don't try to reason with a two year old. that comes next year.

there will be times that you can't distract him or remove him from the room/situation. if you have to say no, and he's freaking out, just remember that he can't scream forever and he'll get over it.

if he gets real upset where he's out of breath, that's the point where he's tired himself out and you can probably flip him over your shoulder, rock him in place, rub his back, or even sing to him. a cool washcloth on the head even or a sippy cup.

trust me, if he's crying because he wants a lolipop he can't have, or wants to play with your lipstick he can't have, he's not going to be traumatized for life if you say no and he freaks out. he won't remember it the next day.

also, make life easier and plan ahead by avoiding the real tantrum triggers...for example...if you have cookies on the counter he can see, and he wants those for lunch instead of healthy food...you might have been better off to leave them where he can't see them.

the tantrums can get really annoying after a while and even be embarrassing when he has them in public, but the tantrums are probably worse for you than him. try not to let yourself get embarrassed, which leads to stress. stress will make you yell at him, and he'll just cry.

you want to stay quiet and calm as possible, stand firm and hold him gentley. after it's all over, wait for his nap and set that time aside for you to relax somehow without feeling guilty for grabbing his nap as your me time instead of doing chores. it'll help you rest up for the next tantrum

strictmomhere
by Platinum Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:34 AM
Im harder on my kids then some when they had a tantrum i put them to bed if we were out i left and they were punished they didn't have many tantrums stay firm hugs
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LindaClement
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 11:29 AM

Let him get his way, right away.

Why frustrate him? If you're going to give in, give in immediately. If you're not going to give in, how he reacts to it is his business, not yours.

Let him be frustrated (the whole world is capable of frustrating him, you can't prevent it from happening) so he can learn how to handle it when it's necessary.

Don't frustrate him to 'make a point.' The world will provide ample opportunities for him to practice it.

Having a house where the answer is generally 'yes' will ease your life and his, and stop you having power struggles from now until he's 17.

AuntFib
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this

Out of all four of my children, the third one was the most persistent with tantrums.  She most liked to throw them when we were out in public.  If we were in grocery store when she had a tantrum, I would just sit down in the floor next to her, but would not speak to her.  She usually got over it pretty quickly.  However, the day she quit throwing tantrums in public was the day she laid down in the aisle of the grocery to scream and fake cry, and I laid down in the floor next to her and said, "Jessie, you're not doing it right..."  She turned and looked at me when I said, "Try it like this..." and I started kicking my legs, stomping my feet and slapping my hands against the floor, and yelling "Ahhhhhh!!!"  She quickly got up and ran to our cart where her brothers and sister when waiting in amazed silence.

Good luck!

sara170
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 11:38 AM
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lol wait till the horrible 3's kick in, sorry I couldn't help my self. Be patient, remember that it is just a phase.

-PB
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 11:47 AM

 lol  3's were worse at our house too.  :-/

Quoting sara170:

lol wait till the horrible 3's kick in, sorry I couldn't help my self. Be patient, remember that it is just a phase.

 

Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 1:36 PM
2 moms liked this

The first step is to understand why kids tantrum. Their frontal lobe is nowhere near being developed yet, in fact it doesn't develop until closer to 25. Sadly the frontal lobe controls impulse control, reasoning, and emotions some what.

Because your toddler has a lack of impulse control they will do things without thinking it through. When they get overly emotional they have no control on the reaction. All they know is what they feel and that leads to yelling and screaming, kicking and hitting etc.


The first step is redirect, redirect, redirect. If that is not working remove him from the situation into a quiet room. Let him tantrum. Do not talk, do not look at him, just sit with him. If he becomes violent with you you can try sitting down with him in your laap, place your legs over his in a cross-legged fashion and hold his arms down. Some children respond very well to pressure.

The next step, which at 2 he may not be ready for but yuo can start anyway, is to help him find positive outlets for his anger or frusteration. Tell him its okay to be angry but its not okay to hit and yell. Instead we can colour, go outside and run around, read a book, scream into a pillow, hit a pillow or a punching bag, or breath. Just telling him is not going to be enough you are going to physically have to help him do it at first. The breathing for example when you see he is getting angry get near him and breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth and exaggerate it a lot. tell him what you are doing and he may start to copy. Try removing him from the situation before it happens.

Elyssa414
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 2:28 PM
My youngest is 2, and I have learned from his big brothers to just be lighthearted about it. Never give in, and never get angry! I just raise an eyebrow when he screams and think to myself, "you know I could step on you!?" Lol. It's not always easy, but if they get a reaction from you- that's a reward! Don't rise to it. Shrug it off with, "Mommy said no." And walk away. Sing, humm, dance or do some chores and completely ignore him until he is calm, then give positive attention. :)
la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 4:41 PM

 Your best solution is to find the source of frustration in your toddler. Example: My son when he was younger would randomly freak out. I finally figured out that was his way of asking for water. I taught him a sign for water and he did that until he learned water. It drastically cut down on tantrums.

nverheyn2011
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 5:16 PM

I let dd throw her tantrum and when she calms down, then I try to talk to her and see if she can tell me why she threw her tantrum. Works about 45% of the time, but it's a work in process.

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