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9 Months...This Shouldn't be a Problem..

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:39 AM
  • 10 Replies

So I nanny a little boy (I'll call him LB) and he's the same age as DD (9 months).  DD is very low-key; she likes playing with her toys and showing you what she has, she likes to climb on the sliding door and look outside, she'll really only cry when she's hurt or when she's tired.

Well LB is kind of malicious.  He hits DD all the time, he has scratched her face so bad that she had cuts on her face.  If I'm holding him on my lap and DD pulls herself up (to stand holding on to my knees) he kicks her in the face.  Yesterday he pulled her hair so hard that she fell over.  He bit my dog, too!  If I'm holding DD at all (which I do after he hurts her and she's crying) he throws a fit.  He will throw his body on the floor, kick, and scream.  He won't stop till I put DD down, either - I don't have to pick him up, I just have to put DD down.

But when he's in a good mood he's a complete joy; he'll giggle and laugh and play.  DD is my first and only and LB has an older brother.  He comes from a very good, Christrian home.  His family is sweet and polite, so I know he's not learning this behavior at home (mom has told me that he's doing it there, too, and asked if he does it at my house.  She'll also be talking to his ped about it.).  

Any ideas what could be causing this?  I don't want to stop watching him but it's been 3 months and his behavior hasn't changed.  I take them out to do different activities, play areas, etc...we don't just sit inside all day, so I know he's getting the proper stimulation, but I'm just at a loss.

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PinkButterfly66
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:59 AM

LB sounds like he's jealous and on his way to being a spoiled brat.  What are you doing when he is aggressive?  Are you telling him "no"?  

kellysparkles
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:03 AM

I definitely am!  When he hits I take his hands in mine and say "No" quite sternly.  When he kicks I put him on the floor and let him kick all he wants.  I don't give into all of his cries, either.  Yesterday is the first time I actually put him in the crib to cry and I shut the door, leaving him alone.  Five minutes later I went and got him and he was fine...almost like the little "time out" helped.

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

LB sounds like he's jealous and on his way to being a spoiled brat.  What are you doing when he is aggressive?  Are you telling him "no"?  


kellysparkles
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:45 PM

Bump

Bleacheddecay
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 1:29 PM

At 9 months there is a good many ways a child can hurt an adult, child or pet. They have to be prevented, redirected and taught that what they are doing hurts and to stop. It takes a lot of the same steps over and over before they gain understanding. These days it is believed that we do better when we tell them to see if the person or animal they hurt is okay and this somehow helps create empathy more than having them say "I'm sorry" when they don't understand it.

kellysparkles
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 1:42 PM

I am consistent with what I do and told his parents what I do, but there's no way to enforce that when he's not with me, you know?  If he makes DD cry and I pick her up, and let him cry on the floor so he sees that his behavior isn't going to get him positive attention..I just don't want my DD to become antisocial because of his behavior, you know?

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

At 9 months there is a good many ways a child can hurt an adult, child or pet. They have to be prevented, redirected and taught that what they are doing hurts and to stop. It takes a lot of the same steps over and over before they gain understanding. These days it is believed that we do better when we tell them to see if the person or animal they hurt is okay and this somehow helps create empathy more than having them say "I'm sorry" when they don't understand it.


Bleacheddecay
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 1:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I understand. *HUGS*

JennasMom2
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 1:46 PM

Is this his first time in daycare? Could he have learned this from another daycare/Child? It sounds to me like jealousy and a way for him to get attention. When he's mean I would continue doing time-outs but I wonder if the crib is the best place, I always read and heard that you shouldn't use where they sleep as a place for "punishment" But, I know it's kind of hard to find another place for a 9 month old, so maybe it will work for now. When he throws fits I would ignore it. I would tell him "NO" loud and stern when he's not behaving nice, every time - and overly praise him when he's playing nice. When he see's that he won't have fun or get attention when he lashes out like that, it should stop him from doing it. Good luck!

kellysparkles
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 2:00 PM

That's a good point about the crib, maybe I'll use the pack-and-play instead.  He was in another daycare but he was only 3 months old (he was only there for the little gap between the end of maternity leave the beginning of summer), then he stayed home with his mom all summer because she's a teacher.  

I will try the overly praising when we play.  I definitely try to give them equal attention as we play, cheering when they do something new, you know?  Thanks for the tips..I'll have to move the pack-and-play tonight.

Quoting JennasMom2:

Is this his first time in daycare? Could he have learned this from another daycare/Child? It sounds to me like jealousy and a way for him to get attention. When he's mean I would continue doing time-outs but I wonder if the crib is the best place, I always read and heard that you shouldn't use where they sleep as a place for "punishment" But, I know it's kind of hard to find another place for a 9 month old, so maybe it will work for now. When he throws fits I would ignore it. I would tell him "NO" loud and stern when he's not behaving nice, every time - and overly praise him when he's playing nice. When he see's that he won't have fun or get attention when he lashes out that like, it should stop him from doing it. Good luck!


JennasMom2
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 2:08 PM

I was thinking the pack and play also.. :) Do you keep toys in the pack and play? Maybe you should so he knows when he goes in for time out- you can take the toys out so he associates it with being bad, bad behavior = no toys. Idk, just a thought. Then he knows that he can either go in the pack and play to have fun or time-out depending on his actions. 

Quoting kellysparkles:

That's a good point about the crib, maybe I'll use the pack-and-play instead.  He was in another daycare but he was only 3 months old (he was only there for the little gap between the end of maternity leave the beginning of summer), then he stayed home with his mom all summer because she's a teacher.  

I will try the overly praising when we play.  I definitely try to give them equal attention as we play, cheering when they do something new, you know?  Thanks for the tips..I'll have to move the pack-and-play tonight.

Quoting JennasMom2:

Is this his first time in daycare? Could he have learned this from another daycare/Child? It sounds to me like jealousy and a way for him to get attention. When he's mean I would continue doing time-outs but I wonder if the crib is the best place, I always read and heard that you shouldn't use where they sleep as a place for "punishment" But, I know it's kind of hard to find another place for a 9 month old, so maybe it will work for now. When he throws fits I would ignore it. I would tell him "NO" loud and stern when he's not behaving nice, every time - and overly praise him when he's playing nice. When he see's that he won't have fun or get attention when he lashes out that like, it should stop him from doing it. Good luck!



kellysparkles
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 2:20 PM

That's a good idea, too.  Look at you..so full of good advice! 

I don't actually use the pack-and-play at all right now, so there's nothing in it lol.  When he went in the crib, though, I took out everything including the stuffed animals.  When I went in to get him he was playing with the strings on the bumpers lol

Quoting JennasMom2:

I was thinking the pack and play also.. :) Do you keep toys in the pack and play? Maybe you should so he knows when he goes in for time out- you can take the toys out so he associates it with being bad, bad behavior = no toys. Idk, just a thought. Then he knows that he can either go in the pack and play to have fun or time-out depending on his actions. 

Quoting kellysparkles:

That's a good point about the crib, maybe I'll use the pack-and-play instead.  He was in another daycare but he was only 3 months old (he was only there for the little gap between the end of maternity leave the beginning of summer), then he stayed home with his mom all summer because she's a teacher.  

I will try the overly praising when we play.  I definitely try to give them equal attention as we play, cheering when they do something new, you know?  Thanks for the tips..I'll have to move the pack-and-play tonight.

Quoting JennasMom2:

Is this his first time in daycare? Could he have learned this from another daycare/Child? It sounds to me like jealousy and a way for him to get attention. When he's mean I would continue doing time-outs but I wonder if the crib is the best place, I always read and heard that you shouldn't use where they sleep as a place for "punishment" But, I know it's kind of hard to find another place for a 9 month old, so maybe it will work for now. When he throws fits I would ignore it. I would tell him "NO" loud and stern when he's not behaving nice, every time - and overly praise him when he's playing nice. When he see's that he won't have fun or get attention when he lashes out that like, it should stop him from doing it. Good luck!




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