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What do I tell my baby?

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:02 AM
  • 32 Replies

A very close family friend just passed away. I loved him very much. He was like a little brother to me but no one in my family loved him as much as my five year old daughter. How do I tell her...I don't know what I'm going to say. 

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:09 AM
2 moms liked this
The truth. Do not hide a fact of life. I went to my first funeral at 5. No one shielded kids like some parents do now.
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LiLsMaMa21
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:11 AM


I'm not trying to shield her and I've always been honest with her. We live in a different state and haven't seen him since May. But that doesn't mean that we weren't close to him. She loved him so much and I just don't know how I'm going to tell her. And I don't know when to tell her. 

Quoting atlmom2:

The truth. Do not hide a fact of life. I went to my first funeral at 5. No one shielded kids like some parents do now.



atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:13 AM
Were they sick?? If so just tell her they were sick and died. There is no way to sugar coat death. Maybe I am just too blunt. Lol.


Quoting LiLsMaMa21:


I'm not trying to shield her and I've always been honest with her. We live in a different state and haven't seen him since May. But that doesn't mean that we weren't close to him. She loved him so much and I just don't know how I'm going to tell her. And I don't know when to tell her. 


Quoting atlmom2:

The truth. Do not hide a fact of life. I went to my first funeral at 5. No one shielded kids like some parents do now.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
motherslove82
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:34 AM

We have had a lot of family deaths lately. My 4 year old is having a hard time understanding it. For a while she needed constant reassurance that she wasn't going to die, I wasn't going to die, etc. I didn't know what to tell her because I can't promise that. Just explain what death means and that he died. Explain that he is gone and can't come back. That death is forever. If you believe in heaven, you can tell her that he has gone there and that she will see him again some day. Don't be surprised if it takes a while for her to understand or have any reaction. Don't be surprised if she processes in unexpected ways (nightmares, clingyness, fear of being away from you). Just reassure her as much as you can and be there when she gets upset.

terpmama
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:38 AM
3 moms liked this

There is a great old tradition (attributed to many groups).... Where you write a letter or draw a picture to a passed loved one, then burn it. The smoke carries your writing to your loved one. 

LindaClement
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

'Our dear friend, ________ has died. We will (or won't, 's up to you) be going to a ceremony in memory of _____ on Saturday.'

Kids take the news of death much better than adults, because permanence doesn't really mean anything much to them.

LindaClement
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:51 AM

P.S.

A 5yo is not a baby.

LiLsMaMa21
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:06 PM


No, he wasn't sick. He was 18 and in a car accident. 

Quoting atlmom2:

Were they sick?? If so just tell her they were sick and died. There is no way to sugar coat death. Maybe I am just too blunt. Lol.


Quoting LiLsMaMa21:


I'm not trying to shield her and I've always been honest with her. We live in a different state and haven't seen him since May. But that doesn't mean that we weren't close to him. She loved him so much and I just don't know how I'm going to tell her. And I don't know when to tell her. 


Quoting atlmom2:

The truth. Do not hide a fact of life. I went to my first funeral at 5. No one shielded kids like some parents do now.







LiLsMaMa21
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:07 PM
1 mom liked this


She's my baby! And she knows about death, but this one is going to hurt her really bad. She was really close to this boy. 

Quoting LindaClement:

P.S.

A 5yo is not a baby.



LiLsMaMa21
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:09 PM


Thank you for this idea. I think we will do something like this. 

Quoting terpmama:

There is a great old tradition (attributed to many groups).... Where you write a letter or draw a picture to a passed loved one, then burn it. The smoke carries your writing to your loved one. 



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