Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Nothing works! :(

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:10 PM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this

Hello everyone.

I'm a single mother of 3 girls 12,15 and 18. My 18 year old moved out of the house with my mom to be closer to her collage. so, i'm left home just with my 12 and 15 year old. I have been raising them by my self so I have always have had to work up to 12 and 16 hours to make end meet, so they have been alone a lot, weekends I'm always with them, I don't have a man in my life cause I don't have time for anybody since I work a lot and i'm with my girls over the weekend. So my problem is that I feel my girls don't love me,they stop hugging me,they stop telling they love me, they get mad when I'm working and I call to check to see how they are, and how was school and just talk with them a bit because when I get home they are already sleeping and I leave for work before they wake up. They don't listen to me, I give them chores, they don't do it, I punish them by taking the TV and Computer time. I give them extra chores, no play time, no nothing. I sat down many times to talk with them and always ask them about how they feel,if something is bothering them.

I have always been a loving mother, I love hugging, kissing,telling my kids how much I love them,I always thank them when they do things right, when they do chores. I even thank them for taking care of them selves and for been good kids because they are. They have never giving me any problems at school, they are good students, they do ask me for nothing material unless is something they really need. But I feel they have put up this wall and wont let me go in.

I miss them, I miss how they used to run to me and hug me and teling me they missed me and how they used to fight and take turns to sleep in my bed with me.

Some times I write little notes of love to my girls and leave them in their bedrooms, I some times sent cute cards through mail and tell them again and again how proud I am of them, and how much they mean to me.

But all I get is a (ok thanks) and then they walk away. I was raised by my grandparents, I didn't meet my mom till I was 16 and never met my father. My parents never showed me love, no hugs no nothing, never herd them say "I love you" to any of their kids or grand kids and I think that's why I'm always make sure I do the opposite so they don't feel what I felt growing up.

Can anyone help me and tell me what to do? I was dignosed with cronic depression and I'm taking medication for it cause I got to the point where I have had thoughts of suicide, I feel sometimes they would be happier and better with out me. :(

My girls don't know about my illness and thoughts.

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:10 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:25 PM

They are old enough now to know about your illness but i would not mention the thoughts.  You have teen girls, they can be very aloof even when you are loving and doing things right.  I wonder if a team building class would help everyone strengthen the bond in the family.  You could also be over compensating for hte lack of affection you missed out on growing up from bio parents.

Ttetreault44
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:51 PM
Is it possible to start setting some alone time with each of your daughters? It sounds to me like in all the working you have done while they have been growing up has created a gap. Setting aside special time will give you both the opportunity to reconnect with each other. You mentioned that they ask nothing from you, buying gifts is by no means a way of making pease, but would it be possible for you to plan a "girls day" nails and hair, a movie and dinner? Aim for things their age so they feel you are interested in their lives and you will have something to discuss that will not come across as forced.
anotherandree
by Inga on Oct. 9, 2013 at 6:11 PM

It's my thoughts that teenage girls are going to be like that, I know I was.  They might be a bit pissed at you for working all the time or they might just be doing their own thing and just chilling.  To be honest, if you aren't hugging 5 days out of the week, it is really awkward to do it for the last 2.  While YOU understand that you are working your ASS OFF to make ends meet, they don't get it, and probably won't until they are hit with the 2x4 of the real world.  Hindsight is 20/20, but since they don't ask for stuff now, they might understand and don't ask for stuff with the hopes that the less they ask for, the more you could possibly be home.  (You might want to see what kind of assistance you can get like the new healthcare benefits or foodstamps, or other help).   

countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:46 PM

I think it is a combination of things.  First off it is just the fact that they are teenagers and most all teens go through a stage of disconnect from their parents in some way.  I probably is also that they are missing you though.  It has to be so hard to be a single mom and have to do it all alone.  While you can't change your working hours, can you make the times you do have off more bonding such as taking them on "dates" and letting them pick activiites to do together?  Is there any way to cut back a bit on hours?  Hugs.

a_and_j_momma
by Platinum Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:00 AM
This!
And try to have a date day or night with them at least once every 2 weeks


Quoting anotherandree:

It's my thoughts that teenage girls are going to be like that, I know I was.  They might be a bit pissed at you for working all the time or they might just be doing their own thing and just chilling.  To be honest, if you aren't hugging 5 days out of the week, it is really awkward to do it for the last 2.  While YOU understand that you are working your ASS OFF to make ends meet, they don't get it, and probably won't until they are hit with the 2x4 of the real world.  Hindsight is 20/20, but since they don't ask for stuff now, they might understand and don't ask for stuff with the hopes that the less they ask for, the more you could possibly be home.  (You might want to see what kind of assistance you can get like the new healthcare benefits or foodstamps, or other help).   


SissyAnn141
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:09 AM
1 mom liked this

 I have always been a loving mother, I love hugging, kissing,telling my kids how much I love them,I always thank them when they do things right, when they do chores. I even thank them for taking care of them selves and for been good kids because they are. They have never giving me any problems at school, they are good students, they do ask me for nothing material unless is something they really need. But I feel they have put up this wall and wont let me go in.

Some times I write little notes of love to my girls and leave them in their bedrooms, I some times sent cute cards through mail and tell them again and again how proud I am of them, and how much they mean to me.

 

    Do not ever stop doing this, they may not say anything now.

    But they will always remember it.        hugs

      

LindaClement
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:24 PM

Have you tried volunteering your time somewhere like hospice, a pediatric oncology unit or an animal shelter?

SissyAnn141
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 1:22 AM

BUMP!

SissyAnn141
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 1:23 AM

BUMP!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)