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My poor little lady... burned once again

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 9:02 PM
  • 11 Replies

Long story short my daughters father walked away when my daughter was an infant. (he was in the military so he missed most of the pregnancy and only saw her for a week furlough before breaking off the relationship) Several years later he claimed it was because he was scared that he would make a horrible father and that it would be easier  on me to hate him than it would for me to put up with him. In the end he only came to see our daughter every couple of years, he kept in contact every year and a half or so just enough to recharge any hope she had for a relationship. Through all his broken promises and lies shes always forgiven him and gave him the benefit of the doubt.


A few weeks ago he added her to facebook and mentioned that he met a girl and she lived in our area and that he would be moving here soon and wanted to build a relationship together. She was considerably confused by her feelings and was unsure if she wanted to give him another chance. She kept her distance when it came to conversation and left it open for him to initiate. Apparently this did not give the results he wanted. this is the message we recieved today...


This is it. There needs to be an end. Get me the paper work to sign. I will be in town for a lttle bit. I dont deserve another chance. I know this. So when you get the paper work together let me know where to meet u nd we can get this over with. ty.



I have allowed my daughter to view all correnspondance between the two of us, and i asked her how she felt. She is currently writing him a letter ...

She is all for him signing his rights away, and my husband had already planned on adopting her when the opprotunity was right,


does anyone know how to go about this? My daughter claims shes ok .. but im worried shes keeping it in. Also is this somthing i can start or does he need to petition the court to remove his rights? any ideas?

by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 9:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
allornone
by Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 9:05 PM

How old is she?

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 9:05 PM

Have her see a child therapist that knows about these types of situations.  She could be ok with it since she does not know anything else and since your husband is her main male influence , the biological standpoint is moot.

Mrs.Godfrey
by Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 9:09 PM

She is 12 and she has been in therapy most of her life and still is...


countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on Oct. 27, 2013 at 9:53 PM

I am not really sure.  I would keep her in therapy and give her every opportunity to work through her feelings on this.  I wouldn't rush the adoption by your DH just yet, give her time to grasp what her bio father is doing and then you can see how she feels about the adoption later.  I would also call a family court lawyer to see what the next step will be.  Good luck.

Mrs.Godfrey
by Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 9:59 PM


No the adoption is not somthing in the near future by any means although we as a family had decided before mine and my husbands wedding that this is somthing we wanted to do as well. I think it was just not expected to be her "father" to bring forth the rejection..... My daughter had bonded with my dh quickly and felt no hesitation is reffering to him as er daddy even when she was talking to her "father" I think the fact that he again initiated a relatioship with her just to back it up with the rejection letter... is what got her going. She has already written a 3 page letter to him. I am making her hang onto it for a little while as i know confronting him with fresh anger can be more damaging.

Quoting countrygirlkat:

I am not really sure.  I would keep her in therapy and give her every opportunity to work through her feelings on this.  I wouldn't rush the adoption by your DH just yet, give her time to grasp what her bio father is doing and then you can see how she feels about the adoption later.  I would also call a family court lawyer to see what the next step will be.  Good luck.



Bluecalm
by Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 11:40 PM
If he surrenders his rights, you'll need to file for the adoption in a timely manner, not some time in the future. Check with a lawyer first.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mrs.Godfrey
by Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 11:41 PM


i dont believe this to be true. i can have sole rights to my child . I do not believe that it is required for one man to hand over rights soley to another man...

Quoting Bluecalm:

If he surrenders his rights, you'll need to file for the adoption in a timely manner, not some time in the future. Check with a lawyer first.



CaliBeachBabies
by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 11:44 PM
I don't know about any of that but I do know you are being unjust to your daughter. At 12 you are supposed to protect her, not throw it in her face that her father doesn't want her. You don't show a child communication between adults! Shame on you. YOU hurt her by not protecting her.
Bluecalm
by Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 11:46 PM
It is in my state, so you should probably check your state laws before you make any decisions.


Quoting Mrs.Godfrey:


i dont believe this to be true. i can have sole rights to my child . I do not believe that it is required for one man to hand over rights soley to another man...


Quoting Bluecalm:

If he surrenders his rights, you'll need to file for the adoption in a timely manner, not some time in the future. Check with a lawyer first.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mrs.Godfrey
by Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 11:55 PM

No i did not, I did not lie to her  i allowed her to be involved , thank you for your concern though.


Quoting CaliBeachBabies:

I don't know about any of that but I do know you are being unjust to your daughter. At 12 you are supposed to protect her, not throw it in her face that her father doesn't want her. You don't show a child communication between adults! Shame on you. YOU hurt her by not protecting her.



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