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Nosy/Controlling Family.....Help!!!!

Posted by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 5:56 PM
  • 5 Replies


I am married with 6 children, half are mine and the other half are my husband's.  We've been together going on 3 years, married for 2.  I am a full time mom, student, wife and blah, husband works nights and works 13 hour shifts.

We're tired a lot and can get cranky, but we love our kids and we provide the necessities and more....the house if quiet when the hubby is asleep or when I have a ton of work to do, but  for the most part I think the kids and I have adjusted pretty well.

Now, my mom on the other hand constantly complains about our "lifestyle."  "I don't know how you put up with him being asleep all damn day, you and the kids are suffering because he wants to sleep and not spend time with you guys!"  "That's not a life, what kind of example are you setting for your kids when you have to keep telling them to stay quiet until he wakes up?"  .....and so on, and so on.....

My sister is always telling me she has concerns and that she needs to talk to me about my husband and my kids.  She doesn't agree with the "lifestyle" either.  She says that I need to change before it's too late for me and my kids.  She constantly complains that I don't make time to spend with them, (mom, sis and nephew)....and she says that my priorities aren't right. 

(uhhhh, I work full time and have school after work and have kids to tend to, this is my family and I need to get my shit done!  I barely have enough time to spend with my kids as it is and now I have my mom and sister bitching me out cause I don't spend time with them?!)  WTH?!

They don't agree with what I feed them, what I want to buy them for birthdays, christmas, they argue that I need to make some changes in my life or I will regret it when the kids get older.  They say they feel sorry for my kids because according to them they have no lives, because they play video games and don't like to leave the house. 

I'm tired of their criticism, judgmental comments, and lectures.....they say they're just trying to help, when I live perfectly comfortable with my husband working those hours, my kids are happy, and I don't ask for help......they just always want to "help" when they see something "wrong."  They make me feel like I'm a shitty mom, when my kids absolutely freakin adore me and never want to leave my side.....if they ever came to me and said "we don't like it here, we don't like your hubby, he's mean", I would absolutely leave him in a split second....if my kids tell me, "mommy, you never spend time with us, I make time for them."  They tell me when something is wrong, I don't need my family butting in and telling me when they think something is wrong....

my kids cry at the thought of my husband and I splitting up.....but I feel like my mom and sister will stop at nothing until they accomplish just that......

My past relationships have all told me my family is too nosy and controlling, that I need to grow a pair and put a stop to it before they ruin my next relationship....and here we go again......HELP ME!!!!

by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 5:56 PM
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by Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 6:22 PM
You need to tell them you'll live your life how you see fit. I haven't spoken to most of my family in a decade because they want to try to tell me how to live my life. It was a little hard at first, but I like how calm my life is now. I don't have people telling me I'm raising my children wrong or how my husband is not right for me. I have wonderful kids and my husband treats me very well. If you're happy with your life, that's what matters.
by Platinum Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 6:34 PM

Well Grow a pair then and become the mama warrior for your new blended family.  Tell them no thank you when they butt in and disengage from them.  How old are all the children?  I think at a certain age they should want to play outside rather than video games all day.  You did not mention if you have family game nights so that everyone can play.  When everyone is happy with the present arrangement then it is no one else's business what goes on.

by Ruby Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 6:44 PM
Tell them to butt out. Many people don't have "conventional jobs". Better than not working at all.

We moved 9 times. Dh works long hours works after he is home. He works from home on weekends too. It is our life and has been for 29 years. Yes, families can work and deal with spouses working unconventional hours.
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by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:00 PM

You sure do have a controlling family.  In my opinion, you do need to speak up and let them know that you and your husband are doing what is best for YOUR family and that the kids are all happy & healthy, you're marriage is doing fine and they need to butt out! 

**Let it all out ANONYMOUSLY!**

by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:07 PM

Why do you ever spend time or listen to people who run you down. I would not put up with that. If you are your kids are happy it's NONE of their business how you live.

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