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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

kids that bicker

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 12:55 AM
  • 2 Replies

 My kids usually get along very well, the last couple of weeks they have been at eachother saying things to pravok the other causeing fights over little things they are 6 and 4 and I am at a loss on how to handle it i have tried the normal time out that we do here in our house, seperating them, taking away toys and nothing seems to be getting through to them and its driving me crazy.  My son has picked up a few habbits from school that annoy my daughter to no end. I am not sure how to make this stop but the bickering puts me in a bad mood and then i cant be the mom i want to be because im upset something needs to change.

by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 12:55 AM
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shakesrear
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:49 AM

It's not surprising that none of those things works. They need a way to resolve their conflicts in a win-win fashion. Read the excellent Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon. You can also read Siblings Without Rivalry, but I don't find it as useful. With the PET book, you learn how to resolve conflicts peacefully and with a resolution that is mutually satisfactory. I used it a lot with my 6 & 4 year olds, and then they pretty much learned how to resolve their conflicts on their own. Now they are 8 & 6 and when they have a conflict, they usually tell me to butt out and they resolve it themselves. It still gets bumpy sometimes and I have to mediate, but I think they are already on the path to being very reasonable people.

So, while you're waiting for your book to come in, you can call a meeting with your little ones and express to them the impact their fights and bickering have on you. You tell them that you all need to come up with a solution to the problem because you can't live with it the way it's going and you can't be the nice mommy you want to be. Then you go around the circle and come up with suggestions for a resolution. All suggestions are valid during the idea-generation phase. Write them all down as you go so that everyone can see the list. When you run out of ideas, then you go through each one and if the solution is not satisfactory for one of the people, then it gets struck off the list. You have to watch your children carefully. My oldest often wants to martyr herself and I point out to her that the solution isn't satisfactory for her, so we cross it off the list. Your children can come up with surprising solutions, but when you start, you will have to probably come up with quite a few to show them that anything is possible. If you end up crossing everything off the list, then it's back to brainstorming for ideas. Don't be surprised if your children get caught up in this process and take hours to come up with a solution. Mine loved going through the ideas and discussing them at length. Often that was enough to make them forget all about the original conflict.

Good luck! I know it's tough, but thank goodness there is this wonderful book out there. Along with a couple of other books, it has changed the way I parent completely.


a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:09 AM
A get along shirt lol
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