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What would you do if someone else abandoned their child to you?? *UPDATE*

Posted by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 12:57 PM
  • 74 Replies

MY daughter is 14, she always has friends come and go. Her one friend is maria, it's her best friend. She's a little hispanic girl with manners the size of earth. She is always thanking me, saying please and being appreciative of everything that is done for her. This little girl and my daughter started being best friends when they were seven years old, and they still are. Their both cheerleaders, they both play volleyball together. Their inseperable. I never thought much of Maria coming around and staying for days at a time. I just kind of assumed it was what kids did now a days. Last night Maria was up all night complaining her throat hurt and trust me this kid doesn't complain!!! I took her to to a quick care, and they only agreed to treat her as SELF PAY. They thru a huge fit b/c I couldn't get a hold of her mother. But they knew she desperatly needed treatment, she has severe strep throat.. The problem is on the way home I said Maria why can't we get ahold of your parents. She told me that they had went to Mexico to take care of her dying grandmother. This was 2 1/2 weeks ago.. The parents left me with no insurance, no clothes, no medicine, no school permission slips, NOTHING. They just dropped her off and said we have a family emergency we will be back in a week. Maria begged me not to call the cops or children and youth. So i told her I wouldn't but she needed to get a hold of her mom, that we need permission slips for medical treatment and for pick up at school. She tried all last night to get a hold of her, and couldn't. She and I both left about ten voicemails on the emergency number. I know her mother is in Mexico b/c the day she arrived, she had called to tell us that Maria had money on her for food. I'm starting to get really scared, that Maria'sparents abandoned her and went back to Mexico? Any opinions on this  especially for those that are hispanic and may understand this culture better?? Thank you ahead of time..


WE just left the ER. It was an interesting experience, they called the cops and CYS on us within minuetes after checking in for "questionable kidnapping" TRUE STORY.. I knew nothing, and I had nothing to give them for medical information.. We even showed them that we were trying to get ahold of the parents, but they assumed it was all a stunt...I guess?? Well the police come in with all intent of arresting me for kidnapping, I guess? Once the police and CYS all came in, we sat together and Maria spoke. They interogated her like crazy, at one point I Told the police officer enough was enough that him n I would go speak and he'd quit making her feel worthless.. I would honestly assume this man was racist b/c he kept saying let me guess your illegals and yada yada yada. I was livid, the lady from CYS was a sweetheart. After her n I talked she said that she could stay with me at the time being until the mother and father could be reached, then we would have to figure out the next step..Another cop came in, he was a seargent and I explained things to him. He had told methat Maria herself was indeed a legal citizen of the U.S, but he is led to believe her father is not.. If this is the case he said sometimes in poorer cultures they will allow their child to be left with someone to avoid them going to live in a poorer country.. He said not that he agrees with it, but he actually sees it all the time..He said in poor/poverty countries they give their child up to live a better life in the states. He did not know this, and said he would investigate it and let me know tomorow what he finds out. He himself was hispanic, so i'm pretty sure he understands the culture and Mexico a lotbetter then I do. They gave me some sort of temporary custody, where I have permission to take her to the doctors, ER and anything regarding school.. He said they will track down her mom and and find out the real story tomorow morning. AT this point in time Maria was hooked to antibiotics,and fluids with a 105 fever.. The nursing staff even came in and apologized for the misunderstanding but they have to do their job and i'm glad I live in a community where they put the children first. I am not angry by any means other then the first D head police officer.. Tomorow I should have more of an update. Maria is soundly asleep in my daughters room. DH and I are putting in bunk beds tomorow for the girls. By the sounds of it we will have her for a little while, possibly even permanent. Maria does not want to go to Mexico, she was balling and begging me not to let this happen. Ofcourse I am not her mother, and this choice will not be mine. More updates tomorow!!

UPDATE: Maria leaves friday morning to move down to Mexico with her parents.. This was no my choice or decision by any means. The police called me this morning to come into the station to speak with Maria's mother. There was a translator there who helped with communication between Maria's mother and I. Maria's mother stated that the american people are just becoming to rough to be around, and she fills as though Maria is becoming more american then Hispanic. Her and her grandmother agreed that she needs to be in Mexico around her people and her culture.. I begged her mother to allow her to stay the rest of the year and in the summer we'd bring her down. They refused over and over again saying it won't be any easier in the summer then it would be right now. I tried to get an attorney and of course he told me I was wasting my time that I am not her biological parents I have no action in this.. I broke the news to Maria who went ballistic, she was screaming and balling. I told her at eighteen she was more and welcome to come back and stay with us and she put her head down and said I won't be the same Maria by then. When I asked her what that meant, she said in the town she is from only the strong survive. She said usually you wind up involved in the drug business or prostitution. I told Maria she has to believe in her self that she will not become that way, she put her head down and said do you know what this town will do to someone like me? She said they hate american Hispanics.. They hate us, they will hate me and beat on me. They will destroy me. Maria started balling and she said Lucy I'm not from Mexico, I am american. She begged me to do something, but after four calls to four different lawyers not one of them was willing to take my case.. Friday morning at seven a.m. we take her to the airport, where she will head back home to Mexico.. She has been balling non stop holding my daughter, she looked at me and said i'll probably never see you guys again, thanks for everything you did for me. She hugged, told us each she loved us and has been in her and my daughters room crying since the news. I checked on her, and she was texting Angelina her sister begging her sister to call mama and chance her mind. Prayers that just may-be her mom and dad will allow her to stay with us. The home they have in Mexico is a dirt home, literally made of dirt floors. Her grandparents live in extreme poverty and that is where Maria will be staying until summer.. PRayers that just may-be Maria won't have to go friday, and if she does have to go PRAY that she will survive down there.. This is one heartbreaking thanksgiving for everyone in our home.. :(


On the place Maria and Juan go. We will not know anything for a few days.. All we know is Juan has not seen or spoken to his family in six years, and this is all goign to be shocking.. Jass(my sister) and I are going to clean up his parents house b/c regardless that will be his permanent resisdence.. .. Praying praying praying..........


Update: Maria's parents called Juan at last minuete, they agreed to give custody over to Juan with the exception for a month outta every summer Maria comes and stays with them.. Juan asked Maria and maria put her head down and shook her head yes that's fine. We have been so busy getting Juan and MArias's home ready that I haven't been able to update. Juan already got accepted into our police around here, but he told them he had to give NY a month notice. They understand, and she will be with us until middle January. Juan will come and stay with us for Christmas though. Juan and Maria had a long talk about their Mexican Culture, and made her promise that when she goes to Mexico, not to act too American or her parents may change their mind. The end of next week Juan goes and finish's paper work for custody.. So far everything is going great, Maria feels a little guilty b/c she thinks her parents hate her but she said this is what she wants more then anything.. Juan is defaintly Maria's rock right now though all of this.. Make it all the more better, my sister and Juan went out to supper last night together.. So everything may work out better then planned, Juan may wind up a permanent part of our family... :)

by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 12:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mama2JoshKatie
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Can you take her to the ER and tell them she doesn't have insurance? I can't see an ER turning away a child with strep throat and she needs treatment immediately. Give them the parents address to send the bill to. How horribly irresponsible to just leave your kid with someone and leave the country with nothing to provide for their needs while your gone. I truly feel for Maria but they should be reported. If she can't get the medical help she needs it's her parents fault not yours!

VickyJoJo
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:15 PM

So for 2-1/2 weeks, Maria's parents have not checked in with either her or you.  That is shameful.  I can't believe that is a cultural thing - someone please correct me if I am wrong.   I would leave one more voicemail, stating that if the mother is not in contact within the next 24 hours, Child and Youth will be called.  It may not be something you want to do but right now, you are in a potentially tricky legal situation regarding the care of Maria.  

I had to spend 3 weeks in TN to care for my mother.  I was in contact with my child every night and she was home with my husband.  Trust me - I know how consuming it is to care for a dying parent.  But that is no excuse for not checking on your child.

LucyCasner
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:16 PM

I'm going to have to try an ER. She's home snuggled on the couch, and ofcourse I need a school excuse and i'm not her parent/guardian so how do i write that?  

Irishmommy860
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:18 PM

I fully understand your concern. I would take her to the ER because I believe they are not allowed to turn anyone away. I would wait and see if mom contacts you over the next few days, but if not you will have to call and report this. It would be a shame for this child to go into the system, but if her parents just up and leave her it's obviously what's best.

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nerdymom28
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:18 PM

 Is there a way you can contact children and youth with the stipulation that Maria remain in your care?

LucyCasner
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this

If I call CYS will they come in and put Maria in foster care? Ofcourse this is what everyone is scared of.


Quoting VickyJoJo:

So for 2-1/2 weeks, Maria's parents have not checked in with either her or you.  That is shameful.  I can't believe that is a cultural thing - someone please correct me if I am wrong.   I would leave one more voicemail, stating that if the mother is not in contact within the next 24 hours, Child and Youth will be called.  It may not be something you want to do but right now, you are in a potentially tricky legal situation regarding the care of Maria.  

I had to spend 3 weeks in TN to care for my mother.  I was in contact with my child every night and she was home with my husband.  Trust me - I know how consuming it is to care for a dying parent.  But that is no excuse for not checking on your child.



LucyCasner
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:19 PM

I have no idea about this? If I knew they wouldn't take Maria and could do an emergency custody thing so I could be legal gaurdian, I would do it in a heartbeat. But if i call and this wonderful little girl gets taken away to fostercare, i'd be a mess..


Quoting nerdymom28:

 Is there a way you can contact children and youth with the stipulation that Maria remain in your care?



LucyCasner
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:20 PM

I was under the impression Maria was talking to her mother daily. Kids these days with their phones and internet and everytime i'd say how's grandma maria, she'd say anyday now. But i am starting to believe Maria has never spoken to her mom and she's just scared i'll call the cops.

leanntx
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:21 PM
If you don't hear from the parents within 24 hours, call children's services and try to find out if there is any way you can get at least temporary custody.
nerdymom28
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:22 PM

 Yeah, I totally get why you're concerned. I admit I know little to nothing about this kind of thing; but I would assume that they would be happy to let Maria stay with you, as opposed to having to hassle with paperwork and red tape to get her placed in a foster home. Plus. it would have to be in her best interests to stay with you and they always say they want to do what's best for the child. And with her being a teenager, don't they try to take what she wants under advisement when making these kinds of decisions?

Quoting LucyCasner:

I have no idea about this? If I knew they wouldn't take Maria and could do an emergency custody thing so I could be legal gaurdian, I would do it in a heartbeat. But if i call and this wonderful little girl gets taken away to fostercare, i'd be a mess..

 

Quoting nerdymom28:

 Is there a way you can contact children and youth with the stipulation that Maria remain in your care?

 

 

 

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