the problem we have is that my husband works (not hard) so he doesnt feel that need to have any responsibilities when he gets home i.e. helping with the kids, house work, or anything at all actually. since he pays all the bills, he says he doesnt have to do anything he doesnt want to.
funny thing tho, this is a recent change... i used to be the only money maker in the relationship but since it was only a receptionist job, he said i sat on my ass all day so he expected me to still do everything when i got home because he was with our son all day. i would eat something and then play with our son and then when bedtime rolls around, i was told it was only fair that i stay up with him all night (or whenever he woke up) because he had him all day... so i would work all day (11 hour shifts every day) and come home and be expected to make dinner, stay up all night, etc. etc. the only thing i give him credit for is he's really good with our boys when he plays with them.
when he first got his job, he was a hard laborer so i didnt really mind doing most things because his job required running and heavy lifting (10hour shifts, 6 days a week at first, now only 5 days). after getting his promotion, he now sits at a desk and does statistics for the company. i've tried telling him he needs to do more now because he's just sitting at a desk all day and he said it doesnt matter because he pays for everything so if he wants to go to bed at 8pm and the kids are up til 11 then i dont get any help because he's sleeping (btw we have 2 kids now, i had a baby 4 months ago) i'm a little helpless at the moment being a stay at home mom and trying to launch a business i can do from home so i can be home with our amazing boys and not have him be the only bread winner.
another funny thing... i supported the both of us from day one. we met and about 8 days later i was pregnant and guess who got her shit together? me! and guess who didnt... him. i supported us for the 3 years we've known eacthother up until last May when he got this job
so now i have double the kids and less husband and i'm driving myself crazy because i've even gone as far as pouring water on him to wake up and help me in the middle of the night and he won't even move or he'll take the blankets and move somewhere else in the house... even while theres screaming children...
why on earth would he argue with me while the kids are screaming? and how the hell do i get him to stop this nonsense? i dont have the heart to argue extensivly while they need a bottle but he will just sleep or ignore them completly so i always am forced to give in and just do it myself.
hes a very difficult person to reason with, hes very inward and gives short answers that dont really ever answer my questions. he never raises his voice or anything and it just seems like he doesnt care. i feel like he should want to do these things for his kids because they are our kids! i'm doing so much i feel like i'm starting to be like him and not wanting to do anything which wouldnt be happening if there was some mutual respect and effort. i feel like i'm becoming a worse parent because i'm so tired and irritable and i just want to cry.
thats another thing, i was told i tested very high for post partum depression after my second son and when i shared this with my husband, he said 'you should really talk to someone about that' and thats it, thats all he said! the nerve!
anyway, i need some help. are there any mothers out there that have husbands out there that theyve had these problems with ? i need things like ultimatums or things i can say he needs to do or ill do this, kinda thing. or if theres any other suggestions i'd be happy to hear them. nothing seems to get through to him. if i tell him to do something, he just wont. and i cant physically force him which is the only reason i'd turn to trying an ultimatum. especially in the middle of the night when he just ignores everyone and doesnt get up to help with anything. thanks for any help.