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How do we talk to DH's 6 year old son about this?

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My dh has a 6 year old boy and since we have been together, his little boy has said nasty things and talks a lot about male and female private parts. He has gotten a lot better about it, but some of the things are disturbing. He used to constantly touch his 11 year old sister's butt. We put a stop to that. He once "accidentally" grabbed his brother's privates during bed time. And he is infatuated with my 3 year old niece.. She came over to play on our water slide a few months ago when she was still in diapers and her diaper got soaked and fell off. He stared at her privates with a curious look, but to me...it looked like more than just curiosity. My dh feels the same way sometimes. Well since that incident, nothing has happened...until Thanksgiving Day.

My sister, my niece, and my nephew came to our place for Thanksgiving. My sister came to me and my dh and said that she found them in the closet together. (Our 6 year old boy and her 3 year old daughter.) Well my dh called him into the kitchen, and ss ducked behind the crib and hid as if he knew he was doing something wrong. Dh called him again and he shook his head no. So dh started counting down from 5 and he finally came to dh. When dh asked him about it, he said he was hiding from her because she wouldn't leave him alone. He said it in a very quiet, guilty voice while looking down at the ground and playing with his hands.

My dh has no idea what to do about this.. We have had worries in our head a few times, but how do you approach a situation like this? Should we have a sit down with dh ex wife and her dh? I don't even know if they would agree to it, but should it be mentioned to them?
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 2:43 PM
Replies (11-20):
eyes_on_jesus
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 3:13 PM
My dh and I have thought about it..

Quoting kiwiskiwi29:

Something might be going on at his mother's house. Abuse maybe? I think you should investigate. 

ladyraven16
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 3:46 PM
As much as this is a possibility, its very possible that he is garnering attention from doing things like this, even though its negative, and he's continuing. Its also possible that he thinks its funny, or that he likes the reaction people give. And both my boys have gone through this but my older son was not nearly as bad as my younger son is that I talked about in my last reply. I just wpuldnt jump to any conclusions. Most abused children show signs besides hypersexual behaviors although every child is different. Have you had the good touch bad touch talk with him?

Quoting eyes_on_jesus: My dh and I have thought about it..



Quoting kiwiskiwi29:

Something might be going on at his mother's house. Abuse maybe? I think you should investigate. 

ElleLuvsOrchids
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 3:47 PM

He may simply be curious about private parts and sex, but he may also be acting this way because he's been exposed to porn or molested.  I'd have your DH talk to his ex about taking the child to a child psychologist to see if they can uncover the root of this behavior.  God forbid he's been or is being molested by someone.  Children who are molested tend to molest other children.  Whatever the problem is it needs to be addressed. 

erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 3:49 PM
I raised three boys and never dealt with these issues I don't find it normal at all From what your describing with the lack of communication between the boys parents if it were me I would take him to a counselor and let them sort it out.
SamMom912
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 3:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you need to sit down with SS and Hubby and talk to him. He has QUESTIONS. He is curious. Its NOT dirty.. He is 6 he sees different, hes been told all hush hush no.. Without much to back that up. Get a book, show him pictures, explain to him what they are.. Explain anatomy, how boys and girls are different. Let there be no secerts.. And explain that they are private and no one likes them touched or looked at.. And the "rules" are no one touches his. 

Dont scare him, educate him. Hes a person, with interests and a brain. Treat him as such.. Respectfully, intelligently, open and honestly. Use clinical terms, dont be embarrassed... Bodies are really a medical miracle... Maybe he will be a Dr someday... Dnt treat him like he is doing wrong... But maybe just trying to figure out what all the hub bub is about... 

korra2013
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 4:06 PM
There may be something going on, may not be. My son had an issue with that once. He had been inappropriate with his sister. He was 8. He was actually on top of her. I didn't shame him. I sat him down one day just the two of us and explain to him that sexuality is normal. These feelings will increase over time but he needs to be respectful and not touch anyone because he can get into trouble. I then leaned in real close and said " Your sister is off limits to you now and forever. She is my daughter, your sister. If you ever touch or hurt my daughter i will kill you. Do you understand that i am serious and this is not a joke?" He said yes.

That was the last time i had a problem with his behavior. That may seem mean but i don't care. Whatever your husband and you decide to do or say, make sure he understands that the consequences for such action will be severe. I want to make it clear that i love my children, that is why i scared him straight.
TheFirstNoel
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 5:28 PM

I think you need to get the boy into therapy. 

eyes_on_jesus
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 5:28 PM
No. How do you bring up a talk like this?

Quoting ladyraven16: As much as this is a possibility, its very possible that he is garnering attention from doing things like this, even though its negative, and he's continuing. Its also possible that he thinks its funny, or that he likes the reaction people give. And both my boys have gone through this but my older son was not nearly as bad as my younger son is that I talked about in my last reply. I just wpuldnt jump to any conclusions. Most abused children show signs besides hypersexual behaviors although every child is different. Have you had the good touch bad touch talk with him?



Quoting eyes_on_jesus: My dh and I have thought about it..





Quoting kiwiskiwi29:

Something might be going on at his mother's house. Abuse maybe? I think you should investigate. 

eyes_on_jesus
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 5:33 PM
That is what makes me nervous. As I told my dh, if he has been exposed...I do not want him alone with my niece. I was molested by my neighbor and taken advantage of by my cousin and I do not wish it upon anyone. I pray that this is/was not the case for him.

Quoting ElleLuvsOrchids:

He may simply be curious about private parts and sex, but he may also be acting this way because he's been exposed to porn or molested.  I'd have your DH talk to his ex about taking the child to a child psychologist to see if they can uncover the root of this behavior.  God forbid he's been or is being molested by someone.  Children who are molested tend to molest other children.  Whatever the problem is it needs to be addressed. 

eyes_on_jesus
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 5:36 PM
I wish we could. We only get him every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of the month and certain holidays. And we don't have the right to take him to a counselor without discussing it with his mom.

Quoting erinsmom1964: I raised three boys and never dealt with these issues I don't find it normal at all From what your describing with the lack of communication between the boys parents if it were me I would take him to a counselor and let them sort it out.
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