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How do we talk to DH's 6 year old son about this?

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My dh has a 6 year old boy and since we have been together, his little boy has said nasty things and talks a lot about male and female private parts. He has gotten a lot better about it, but some of the things are disturbing. He used to constantly touch his 11 year old sister's butt. We put a stop to that. He once "accidentally" grabbed his brother's privates during bed time. And he is infatuated with my 3 year old niece.. She came over to play on our water slide a few months ago when she was still in diapers and her diaper got soaked and fell off. He stared at her privates with a curious look, but to looked like more than just curiosity. My dh feels the same way sometimes. Well since that incident, nothing has happened...until Thanksgiving Day.

My sister, my niece, and my nephew came to our place for Thanksgiving. My sister came to me and my dh and said that she found them in the closet together. (Our 6 year old boy and her 3 year old daughter.) Well my dh called him into the kitchen, and ss ducked behind the crib and hid as if he knew he was doing something wrong. Dh called him again and he shook his head no. So dh started counting down from 5 and he finally came to dh. When dh asked him about it, he said he was hiding from her because she wouldn't leave him alone. He said it in a very quiet, guilty voice while looking down at the ground and playing with his hands.

My dh has no idea what to do about this.. We have had worries in our head a few times, but how do you approach a situation like this? Should we have a sit down with dh ex wife and her dh? I don't even know if they would agree to it, but should it be mentioned to them?
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 2:43 PM
Replies (41-42):
by Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 8:22 PM

IDK...when my son was 4, he had a list of the haves and the have nots...of penises. He asked who had a penis and who did not and each day would go over the list. It is harder for some kids to understand why they are different from a cousin of the opposite gender. I don't know who has talked to him, but I would have honest and nonthreatening discussions about how boys and girls are different. He has probably discovered that touching himself gives him some pleasant feelings. If you continue to be concerned, I would approach his pedi, but it does not sound like you really have red flags. Has dad discussed good touch and bad touch? During this conversation, we discovered that an older boy at the day care was touching our son.....long story, law suits, investigations, etc. 

by on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:13 AM

You need to take him to a therapist and get a professional opinion NOW.  If there is any question about whether someone is being innopropriate with him or that he is with another child, then this cannot be left to a public forum.  This matter is too important for us to answer.  All I can tell you is that I was molested by my cousins and it started when they were about your son's age.  All these years later, I still have a hard time being intimate with my husband.

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