Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

(Need opinion) For older babies who fight going to bed and won't sleep through the night......

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:43 PM
  • 15 Replies

Would you let them cry it out for 5 minutes? Dh just acted like I was somehow abandoning our baby. I'm the one who gets up with him at night for the past year. I'm the one who deals with trying to get him to go to bed when the time comes. I'm actually feeling irritated by dh right now. He acted mad and said I let him scream for 20 minutes. He was downstairs and didn't see that for 15 of those 20 minutes I was right there in the room trying to sooth ds. I read that you shouldn't take them out of thier crib but sooth them by patting thier back, say night night in a soothing tone, etc. so that's what I was doing. I also read to give him 3-5 minutes to self sooth but don't let him get to worked up . I don't usually believe in letting a baby scream forever to teach him to go to sleep on his own. It may be bad for them. Not sure if it is but why take the chance. I don't however, think it will hurt a baby whose needs have all been met to cry (i'm talking about normal whining just because he wants out, not extremely worked up, more intense crying) for 5 min. . I began to realize that ds was fine (not hungry, dry diaper, warm but not to warm,I was rubbing his feet through the crib slats while I sat on the floor by the crib, I tried patting and soothing ) but he just wanted up. That's all It was. So I decided to give him five minutes to realize its bedtime and crying wont get me to pick him up. Of course, the minute I plant my butt in the recliner dh comes upstairs and assumes I was just sitting there the whole time( don't you love how men see none of the hard work you do...at least that's my experience) anyway, he acts all mad. Even when I told him I hadn't left ds alone more than  4 minutes, he says yes you did, I heard him crying he whole 20 minutes. Not true but ok. Ds would quite down then  get worked back up when I tried to leave or thought he was about to fall asleep. Dh tried to take over and ds gave him the same problem. As soon as ds was taken into the living room to play and get a snack ds was fine. Not hungry. He pushed the snack away. He just wanted up and dh keeps caving. Then I end up being the one to deal with the poor sleep habits that I feel dh is  creating. I wish that man would listen to me. I was just wondering how many people would have done what I tried (letting ds cry it out for 3-5 minutes) when you know there was nothing your baby needed. Dh sure made me feel guilty about it.

by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:43 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:02 AM
We did that with all of ours and it only took a few times for them to realize that meant it was time to go to sleep and they are wonderful sleepers now. I would sit down and talk with your DH about it tomorrow or sometime when neither of you are frustrated or annoyed and see if you can come up with a plan both of you are okay with.
Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:18 AM
We don't CIO. No help there. Babies self soothe when they're ready. All my kids slept through the night when they were ready. Until then I got up and nursed them to sleep or fed them.
mm_mom515
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:29 AM
I would be so pissed. My dh would do that. Some babies are more needy then others, but that's messed up that your dh is making you the bad one.

Tell him to go out and then you can deal with ds on your own. Or you go out and make him see how hard it is.
JasonsMom2007
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:31 AM
How old is baby?
christina259
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 1:13 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting mm_mom515: I would be so pissed. My dh would do that. Some babies are more needy then others, but that's messed up that your dh is making you the bad one.

Tell him to go out and then you can deal with ds on your own. Or you go out and make him see how hard it is.

That's exactly how I felt. Like he was making me the bad one . I did let him take ds . Dh took ds to our bed at first which I've read is the wrong thing to do. Dh was still fussing about how I got defensive about it. ( I  thought he was the one making the big stink , not me) so I  walked out and said "good luck" and left him to deal with it. 10 minutes later in the living room, dh was letting ds cry it out, only this time it was because ds was crying over not being allowed to climb over he gate .i hope dh realized ds was cranky  because he was tired  and quite possibly just wanted out, not because I abandoned him. Ds can sound pretty heartbreaking just because he realized he can't have something. I know that's normal 1 year old behavior but I want to teach ds that bedtime is bedtime. I'm also considerate of the fact that ds may actually need something or just need to be close to us. I tried all that before finally deciding to let ds fuss a little. Dh didn't even stop to consider this. The part that made me mad was when I told him all this he acts like I was lying about it.

christina259
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 1:13 AM


Quoting JasonsMom2007: How old is baby?

15 months


JasonsMom2007
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 1:14 AM
Yeah I'd do that with a toddler too.

Quoting christina259:


Quoting JasonsMom2007: How old is baby?

15 months


emmy526
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 9:57 AM

sounds like dh should read some child development books or take a class or take a class together so your'e both on the same page with discipline

SewingMamaLele
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 10:10 AM
Keep in mind that there's no "wrong"...if bringing him to your bed works, great. I'd getting him up for a little bit works, great. If giving him5 minutes to whine works, great... If none of it works, no harm in trying. There's no "wrong" way, there's just surviving it!

Quoting christina259:


Quoting mm_mom515: I would be so pissed. My dh would do that. Some babies are more needy then others, but that's messed up that your dh is making you the bad one.



Tell him to go out and then you can deal with ds on your own. Or you go out and make him see how hard it is.

That's exactly how I felt. Like he was making me the bad one . I did let him take ds . Dh took ds to our bed at first which I've read is the wrong thing to do. Dh was still fussing about how I got defensive about it. ( I  thought he was the one making the big stink , not me) so I  walked out and said "good luck" and left him to deal with it. 10 minutes later in the living room, dh was letting ds cry it out, only this time it was because ds was crying over not being allowed to climb over he gate .i hope dh realized ds was cranky  because he was tired  and quite possibly just wanted out, not because I abandoned him. Ds can sound pretty heartbreaking just because he realized he can't have something. I know that's normal 1 year old behavior but I want to teach ds that bedtime is bedtime. I'm also considerate of the fact that ds may actually need something or just need to be close to us. I tried all that before finally deciding to let ds fuss a little. Dh didn't even stop to consider this. The part that made me mad was when I told him all this he acts like I was lying about it.

nerdymom28
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this

 5 minutes isn't going to hurt anything. I have a baby like that so I feel your pain...I wouldn't let her cry for more than 5 minutes or so before going to her.

But my dear, you have bigger problems. Your DH is a parent to this child too, and there is NO EXCUSE for him putting all the work onto you. HE needs to get up with the baby at night once in awhile. HE needs to spend a little time trying to soothe him. HE needs to step up. You shouldn't be in this alone. I really think you and your DH should find some time to sit down and discuss exactly what your parenting styles are, so you can find a way to make it work where both of you are happy. You need to know each other's expectations on how this child will be raised so you can have a more peaceful life and not butt heads so much.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured