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My five year old has hitting problems...HELP!!

Posted by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:11 AM
  • 21 Replies

I am a singl mother of a five year old, he is such a loving child and has so much enegery all the time. Latley hes just been horrible towards my nephew who is visiting from out of town. My nephew is seven and is super sweet, my son keeps hitting him and just being a little brat. Ive told him hitting isnt nice, please use your words, your getting a time out, I will take your favorite toy and place it on a time out untill you decide to me nice...etc...etc...etc Ive even given him a spanking (not beat the bleep out your child, but a little spank) I have tried giving him hugs, asking him to take a nap :( Help, any advice? 

by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JasonsMom2007
by Platinum Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:22 AM
1 mom liked this
Can you give him something appropriate to hit like a pillow?
SamMom912
by Silver Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 9:17 AM
6 moms liked this

Ok, the HITTING, is the reaction, not the behavior, you need to figure out what is happening BEFORE the hitting, THATS the issue that needs to be addressed. If itis sharing, patience, frustration tolerance, inflexibility, communication issues - THOSE are the behaviors that need to be worked on and taught, not really the HITTING.. Cause the HITTING wont occur if he learns how to share, or be patient (or whatever is causing the hitting reaction). 

Also try to remember, that we dont learn flexibility, patience, sharing by sitting in a time out... We learn its not acceptable.. (But pretty much saying, hitting is unacceptable, teaches that too) but teaching how to express himself during play, learning to share, be patient doesnt happen sitting for 3 minutes alone in a time out.... It happens by sitting with him when he is playing, modeling good socially appropriate skills, giving him a second chance when he says something in the wrong tone, or wrong choice of words, praising the correct way. 

As far as the energy goes, have you tried giving him some great helathy ways to expend the energy in your house? Taking the cushions off the couch and letting him jump into them. Having a pillow fight for a few minutes, having him to jumping jacks, push ups (agsinst the wall or floor) these types of "exercises" give really good feed back to thir little bodies. Also having him help with (semi) heavy work, like pushing the chairs under the diningroom table, moving the wet heavy clothes to the dryer, pushing the laundry basket (full) down the hallway, carrying a bookbag with some books in the bag.. These are GREAT.. They give lots of good proprioceptive input which is very helpful for the regulation of energy and emotional regualtation (good mood) 

if you want read more on proprioceptive input, check out sensorysmarts.com, under proprioception... It may be really helpful for your little guy.. AND for you to learn a good way to help him with his energy level. 

There are some kinds who are just "movers" who have lots. Of energy to expend... This will help his body feel good! 

ROXYANDTRIS
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Thank you so much for the information you have provided me with. I need to learn as much as he does! I will read any book you recomend or web site.

Quoting SamMom912:

Ok, the HITTING, is the reaction, not the behavior, you need to figure out what is happening BEFORE the hitting, THATS the issue that needs to be addressed. If itis sharing, patience, frustration tolerance, inflexibility, communication issues - THOSE are the behaviors that need to be worked on and taught, not really the HITTING.. Cause the HITTING wont occur if he learns how to share, or be patient (or whatever is causing the hitting reaction). 

Also try to remember, that we dont learn flexibility, patience, sharing by sitting in a time out... We learn its not acceptable.. (But pretty much saying, hitting is unacceptable, teaches that too) but teaching how to express himself during play, learning to share, be patient doesnt happen sitting for 3 minutes alone in a time out.... It happens by sitting with him when he is playing, modeling good socially appropriate skills, giving him a second chance when he says something in the wrong tone, or wrong choice of words, praising the correct way. 

As far as the energy goes, have you tried giving him some great helathy ways to expend the energy in your house? Taking the cushions off the couch and letting him jump into them. Having a pillow fight for a few minutes, having him to jumping jacks, push ups (agsinst the wall or floor) these types of "exercises" give really good feed back to thir little bodies. Also having him help with (semi) heavy work, like pushing the chairs under the diningroom table, moving the wet heavy clothes to the dryer, pushing the laundry basket (full) down the hallway, carrying a bookbag with some books in the bag.. These are GREAT.. They give lots of good proprioceptive input which is very helpful for the regulation of energy and emotional regualtation (good mood) 

if you want read more on proprioceptive input, check out sensorysmarts.com, under proprioception... It may be really helpful for your little guy.. AND for you to learn a good way to help him with his energy level. 

There are some kinds who are just "movers" who have lots. Of energy to expend... This will help his body feel good! 

amber3902
by Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:54 PM

I agree with Sammom that you need to find out WHY the hitting is occuring.

However, it sounds like a lot of the punishments you are giving aren't really punishments.  A nap would be appropriate for a two year old who is being naughty because he's cranky and tired, but at age five that's not a punishment. 

Rreally, you give him a hug when he hits someone?  That's basically rewarding him for bad behavior! And don't put his toy in time out, put HIM In time out!

And it sounds like you are only threatening to do these things, do you actually follow through or are you all talk?

ROXYANDTRIS
by on Dec. 27, 2013 at 9:54 AM
Wow your pretty harsh aren't you? Of course I follow thru, I have tried everything including a hug because when I'm having a bad day sometimes a hug helps release stress or Tension or even anger (maybe you should try it some time). I don't just hug my child, an explanation comes along with it, telling him all the reasons it's not ok to hit and why he needs to apologize. When I wrote my plea for help I was so tired and just wrote it fast and vague... Neer thought I would get criticized for TRYING as many options to HELP my child!


Quoting amber3902:

I agree with Sammom that you need to find out WHY the hitting is occuring.

However, it sounds like a lot of the punishments you are giving aren't really punishments.  A nap would be appropriate for a two year old who is being naughty because he's cranky and tired, but at age five that's not a punishment. 

Rreally, you give him a hug when he hits someone?  That's basically rewarding him for bad behavior! And don't put his toy in time out, put HIM In time out!

And it sounds like you are only threatening to do these things, do you actually follow through or are you all talk?

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 9:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Strict consistant discipline. Do not hug. That is rewarding.
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 9:58 AM
Stern voice too.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ROXYANDTRIS
by on Dec. 27, 2013 at 10:01 AM
Just because a child isn't two doesn't mean he doesn't get tired, taking a nap helps refresh and relax. Even I as an adult sometimes need a nap but it's rare I get one. Boy don't I wish...

Quoting ROXYANDTRIS: Wow your pretty harsh aren't you? Of course I follow thru, I have tried everything including a hug because when I'm having a bad day sometimes a hug helps release stress or Tension or even anger (maybe you should try it some time). I don't just hug my child, an explanation comes along with it, telling him all the reasons it's not ok to hit and why he needs to apologize. When I wrote my plea for help I was so tired and just wrote it fast and vague... Neer thought I would get criticized for TRYING as many options to HELP my child!





Quoting amber3902:

I agree with Sammom that you need to find out WHY the hitting is occuring.

However, it sounds like a lot of the punishments you are giving aren't really punishments.  A nap would be appropriate for a two year old who is being naughty because he's cranky and tired, but at age five that's not a punishment. 

Rreally, you give him a hug when he hits someone?  That's basically rewarding him for bad behavior! And don't put his toy in time out, put HIM In time out!

And it sounds like you are only threatening to do these things, do you actually follow through or are you all talk?

super123momma
by Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 10:02 AM
My nephew has the same problem towards my son
amber3902
by Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 11:04 AM

 I'm not being harsh, I'm being HONEST.   I can only go by what you tell us - You said "I've TOLD him hitting isn't nice."  I said it SOUNDS like you're all talk.  Obviously what you're doing isn't working, because the hitting is still continuing.

Do you want rainbows and unicorns or do you want advice that's going to work?  I'm 37 years old with two kids, ages 15 and 8.  Instead of being so quick to get offended, how about listening to the advice of someone who has been where you are?

Geesh, I guess that's the thanks I get for trying to help someone.

Quoting ROXYANDTRIS: Wow your pretty harsh aren't you? Of course I follow thru, I have tried everything including a hug because when I'm having a bad day sometimes a hug helps release stress or Tension or even anger (maybe you should try it some time). I don't just hug my child, an explanation comes along with it, telling him all the reasons it's not ok to hit and why he needs to apologize. When I wrote my plea for help I was so tired and just wrote it fast and vague... Neer thought I would get criticized for TRYING as many options to HELP my child!


Quoting amber3902:

I agree with Sammom that you need to find out WHY the hitting is occuring.

However, it sounds like a lot of the punishments you are giving aren't really punishments.  A nap would be appropriate for a two year old who is being naughty because he's cranky and tired, but at age five that's not a punishment. 

Rreally, you give him a hug when he hits someone?  That's basically rewarding him for bad behavior! And don't put his toy in time out, put HIM In time out!

And it sounds like you are only threatening to do these things, do you actually follow through or are you all talk?

 

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