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Very diffrent situation than normal

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:38 AM
  • 4 Replies

 I have a sd 12 who last year at this time was on a Shared Parenting Plan between bm and dh. Dh was primary and she went to bm twice aweek and every other weekend until sunday afternoons.  Sd had been dropping hints to me, bm and dh that she no longer wanted to go to Bm's. We made her stick to the plan and she did for about a month.

Then in about mid January 2013 Sd comes home and tells me that she doesnt want to go to BM's anymore. I told her that she would have to talk to dh and bm about it. They both said sd had to go even if she didnt want to go. Bm shows up for her next visitation day and SD refuses to go with BM. Sd gets grounded for refusing to go. THis process repeats one or two more times.

During all of this Dh and I start SD in counseling to figure out what is going on with her. The counselor suggest that Sd is better off with us full time and suggest that Sd see her bm once a week for an hour for dinner. Bm was present during the counseling appointment.

Bm picks sd up one time for her hour dinner visit and sd goes to her car. Next thing I know bm comes busting into my house and starts screaming at me telling me that if I want the fucking bitch then I can have her and that SD was my problem now.  That was the last time that Bm has seen sd in person. I believe that was in Feburary 2013.  Bm stopped texting or showing up to take sd to her weekly dinners after that.

Bm has texted sd maybe 6 times since Feburary 2013,  She calls me and I update he on how sd is doing maybe three times since february 2013.

Sd counselor has suggested that Sd not get forced into talking or seeing bm at all. Sd issues withbm stems from her instability, constantly changing boyfriends, friends, apartments, jobs.  BM moved over 30 times from when Sd was 2 until she was 11.

Sd has improved so much since she stopped seing bm. Her grades are way better. She doesnt get introuble hardly at all anymore.  She isnt rude and mean to everyone like she used to be.

Everyone including myself has thought that sd would eventually want t see bm at some point, but sd has not wanted to see BM at all.  Sd even refuses to accept any gifts, money ect from Bm at all.

Dh ended up getting full custody of Sd and Bm has no visitation at this point.

Anyone else been through a situation like this?


by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:38 AM
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by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:46 AM
1 mom liked this
I haven't been a parent in that situation, but I was a kid in that situation. You all, after reading what you typed, did what was needed. And most importantly y'all listened to what SD was saying and how she was feeling. That is a very important thing!
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 3:57 AM

Not in that situation but i am glad you listened to what she needed which was stability and not the chaos her mother is cycling in.

by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 11:41 PM
I have not but sounds like you guys listened and figured it out
by Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 12:42 AM

It was so hard for me as a mom to force my daughter to go and see her bio dad. She never wanted to go away from me and I KNEW she wasn't going to do anything but sit around and watch him watch movies. But I knew it was important. Bio dad decided also of his own accord that he didn't want to see DD and refused to - but still blaming me for it and telling DD that it was my fault for 'replacing' him. I just continually made her available to him and let her see that I was telling the truth. Then we moved away and that was the end of it.

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