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Hateful 5 yr old or I'm just a bad mom?

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:20 AM
  • 8 Replies

Hi!! I am kind of new to this site and this is my first time posting so I will start with a little background.  I am a 35 yr old mom of 2 boys that I currently share joint custody of with my ex-husband. My boys are 7 and 5 and I love them more than life. In Jan, I started dating a new guy and we moved in with him in May. I know, fast, but it has proven to be great. Fast forward a few months and my 5 year old has become very hateful and mean to me.  I try to keep my voice down with them and I don't spank him and do timeouts in his room. He gets mad when he doesn't get his way, or gets in trouble for hitting his brother. He's a very emotional child I would say and can go from completely happy to mad or bawling for the slightest reason. He will tell me he doesn't love me, hates me, doesn't like me, wishes he could just go to his dads.  My older son tells me he does the same things at his dads just vice versa.  I have tried to explain that hurts my feelings but he doesn't care. Some days he is very loving and tells me he loves me all day long and cuddling. I just don't understand the mood swings. He gets a long great with my boyfriend and my boyfriend is very good to them. We have been able to do more outings and getting more extras since we have moved due to combining bills and they seem to be happy here!  I will admit I am not a perfect mom, I lose my patience and have to separate myself from him so i can calm down but I never hit or call names and never would. Any advice? Anyone else have kids that have gone from sweet and loveable to a complete opposite? 

by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:20 AM
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Replies (1-8):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like typical child stuff especially with introducing a new adult into their life.  He will continue pressing those buttons since he feels out of control in other areas.   Is the boyfriend allowed to step in and correct his behavior when he uses the wrong tone with you?

sharon6345
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this

Over night my daughter became my enemy and it was hard. I lost control a few times so your doing good. I later found out she felt like I chose my man over her. it took a few years but we are all doing well. and she and him are much closer than I would have ever dreamed. she goes to him often when I am not aware of it. and classes us a parents not me as parent. it will all work out in time. 

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:57 AM
2 moms liked this

Hi and welcome!

I have two girls, same age. We have intact family and 5yo makes me want  to kick puppies! She was such a rotten shit yesterday that when my work called and asked me to come in last night, I said YES!! Lol get me outta here.

ANYWAY. With the added stress of a new man, living environment, daddy issues, etc- of course you're going to have trouble. Why didn't it start before? Maybe he didn't realize this was permanent.

All you can do is all you can. One on one time, reassurance, LOTS of rest as I'm assuming he's in K like mine. Also activities like sports. Gl mama.

barrelracer1699
by Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this

We get it all the time. We just tell them right back that we love them. 

emarin77
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this

My son who is 5 now used to hit me and his father at age 3.  We used time outs too but we had to repetitively give him him a time out when he hit.  We taught him to use his words "I am angry" at the beginning of a time out and at the end of it.  Within a few months he started using his words.  He is 5 now and always uses his words.  My son also is diagnosed with Autism.

MissMegan78
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:27 PM

Thank you so much for all your replies! It really does feel a lot better to know I'm not alone. My 7 yr old has NEVER acted this way and is so loving and caring. And yes, my new man does intervene time to time when the litte guy decides to be mean. Hopefully time will tell and it seems like it gets better during times when I have just mama and kiddo time. :):) 

MissMegan78
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:28 PM
1 mom liked this

"makes me wanna kick puppies" That seriously made me giggle! 

Quoting AM-BRAT:

Hi and welcome!

I have two girls, same age. We have intact family and 5yo makes me want  to kick puppies! She was such a rotten shit yesterday that when my work called and asked me to come in last night, I said YES!! Lol get me outta here.

ANYWAY. With the added stress of a new man, living environment, daddy issues, etc- of course you're going to have trouble. Why didn't it start before? Maybe he didn't realize this was permanent.

All you can do is all you can. One on one time, reassurance, LOTS of rest as I'm assuming he's in K like mine. Also activities like sports. Gl mama.


atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:31 PM
Needs consistant discipline. It is never ok to act like that.
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