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What's a step mom to do?

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 3:35 PM
  • 4 Replies

 

 

I have a 8 year old step daughter who hasn't been in regular contact with her biological mother for years. I urged her bio mom to get back in the picture (Well maybe I forced her sort of) because my daughter would often cry for her after I came into the picture.

 I have a son my guess is that she felt abandonned after she saw how close my son and I are.

After a few months of talking to her bio mom she decided that she no longer wanted contact with her. Shortly after that she began telling me stories about her bio mom's harsh punishments toward her, the yelling she experienced, and some other questionable things. I spoke to her father about it and he told me it was nothing new that her full time baby sitter before me told him all kinds of similar stories she was hearing from his daughter. After a while it seemed to die down but little did I know her tales were still in full force she was just sharing them with my friends, neighbors, and sometimes even strangers.

I decided to put her in therapy right away. The therapy seems to be working but she still doesn't want to speak to her bio mom or half siblings. She is only 8 but her therapist advised that these desicions are one I should leave up to my daughter because she is healing.

 

My questions is as a step mom or just flat out parent what would you do? What were your view from a hypothetical stand point be? I'm just looking for some points of view and opinions.

 

Thank you!

by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 3:35 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Lucky2BaMomof2
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 3:42 PM
2 moms liked this
I would respect her boundaries. Let her cross those bridges when she gets older, if she chooses.

I know I was forced to keep contact with my parents aster moving out (kicked out) at 15. Made life a living Hell for me. I built resentment and anger and pure hatred towards everyone involved in making me keep in touch.

When I got to be an adult and finally got space to breathe and heal I'd when I started trying to contact them on my own..

Let her heal and breathe. She has a lot of feeling and a lot of pain and frustration.. When she's healed she will choose again.

Hugs!
DanaMarie411
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 3:45 PM

 

 

Thanks for the response! I really value your perspective! Hugs!

Lucky2BaMomof2
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 3:47 PM
You're welcome..

Everything in life has its own time.. She needs hers. If I.. can help anyone not experience some of the things I have, then I'm good..

I can tell you really love her and want what's best.. Just give it time...

Hugs!
mommaFruFru
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 4:04 PM
Dont force her.

My mom never forced me to see my father. He wasn't abusive like your daughters mother. But I still wanted nothing to do with him

That, and the fact my mom was always honest with me about my father, the good and the bad. She never bad mouthed him. Just honesty
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