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"Don't go to bed angry." Is that *really* good advice?

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 4:45 PM
  • 24 Replies

My mother always said that couples should never go to bed angry, and for most of my marriage, that has applied. We've always made a point to hash everything out and resolve it to our mutual satisfaction before hitting the hay... until last night. Last night, he rebuffed my attention in a really gruff way that hurt my feelings, so I withdrew to my side of the bed and held myself apart from him. I didn't talk to him, snuggle with him, nothing that we normally do. I just was too hurt and angry to engage.

Is not going to bed angry really a good thing, or do you think it's okay sometimes, maybe even helpful?



by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 4:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Jan. 8, 2014 at 4:50 PM
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I believe that it is a good thing. Being angry hurts the person being angry the most- it causes tension to bulid up in the body, raises the blood pressure.  It is better to actually settle a disagreement in a timely manner, which is what the saying means, rather than let it stew.

iamcafemom83
by Mariah on Jan. 8, 2014 at 5:22 PM
We never followed this advice. Mainly becsuse it takes my husband some time to chill out. Him sleeping on it literally makes life easier. At least for me haha
I was always taught to walk away and cool off in tense situations. I think it also applies to fights/arguments in marriage.
Bleacheddecay
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 6:33 PM

I have to say that at times you just need sleep and things generally look better in the morning. Keep going at it and it just looks bleaker and bleaker.

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 6:39 PM

I think it depends on what the issue is... 

Sometimes time and space is a good thing... Sometimes it may be helpful to hash things out for good restful sleep and to not dwell on it all night, 

polkaspots
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 6:41 PM
Sometimes it's better to talk and work on an issue immediately. Sometimes it's better to wait whether that's to let emotions cool down or because you have to get up early in the morning.
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terpmama
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 8:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I always took that saying in a more figurative way... As in don't let things fester... Sure maybe you need a night or two to work yourself out and be calm, but don't ignore the issue or sweep it under the rug. 

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 11:35 AM

I always feel more calm and hopeful in the morning, so I'd rather not try to resolve it while I'm still angry.

preemiemom45
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 12:30 PM
I don't love that advice. It's good in theory but on the few occasions when I have gone to bed angry, I wake up realizing I was the idiot and I apologize as soon as my husband wakes up!
AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jan. 9, 2014 at 12:37 PM

*I* think it's ridiculous and unrealistic.

There are times I just want to sleep or be left alone after a fight, and he's the same way. Also factor in that I work nights and not everything can be solved on a sitcom-type schedule.

I DO agree things should not linger forever. Ours generally don't. They DO get talked through, compromises are made but that whole saying is super stupid to me.

Raindelay
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 1:53 PM
I agree sometimes you need time to cool off. However, when I hear that saying it reminds me to not let the last words you have with someone be a fight. Like when someone passes away, and the last words you spoke to them were mean.
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