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Need some help, ideas for the right words

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 12:53 AM
  • 16 Replies
I am not actually a mom I am an aunt to a eight-year-old girl a five-year-old boy and a two-year-old girl. My brother had the elder two with another woman and his wife and him had the youngest. His wife is abusive towards the two that aren't hers and my brother is lazy and does nothing about it. As a result my oldest niece is incredibly angry and gets in a lot of fights and in trouble at school. She is in therapy and special ed in school and her mother is attempting to look into getting custody however the situation is very difficult as you can imagine. I just want to know what I can write to her in letters, since I can't be there for her all the time in person, to inspire her to be strong for herself and her siblings, who she is very protective of. I want to inspire her to learn and to read and just be a really good student and to be very very happy and that's really hard because she is just so angry with her father for not taking care of her and just having to take care of her younger siblings at such a young age and I just want her to know that I am there even though I'm can't be there and that she is very important and loved.
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 12:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:02 AM
Have you looked into sending her any Chicken Soup for the Soul books?
Kjoy6227
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:21 AM
That's a good idea, I'll look into that, she enjoys reading. But I really want to know what kind of things I can write to her because I want to be more personal too. How do I talk to an angry/overwhelmed eight year old girl?
Momofmenagerie
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:24 AM
2 moms liked this
You talked to an angry, overwhelmed child by not just sending letters but by including envelopes and stamps maybe themed stationary , too.

Make it clear that what is said between you will not get back to guardians and she can express all she needs to to you.

Tell what you know, what you've seen and heard and make sure she knows you are on her side.

Mix your letters up with serious and light hearted tones so she doesn't "dwell" too much.

Stay away from school topics. Stick to talking about peers, music, books in the midst of letting her know she has a confidant in you.

Encourage her to write you back, but keep writing even if she doesn't .

Do not speak I'll of her guardians because you never, ever know when that will backfire one day. Just focus on HER. Mentioning her guardians and the letter is intercepted, it could all be blown to pieces. SHE may discuss the living situation all she wants, but you need to be careful in avoiding out and out wording re: guardians . Use words like living situation, stressful.... General words, however you should emote your feelings for HER as much as possible.

My niece and nephew ( my heart children)are also in a bad way, but if I'm not very careful, I will be ignored during their most trying times.

This is a tread carefully type of situation, but her knowing that you are HERS is a wonderful gift to this hurting child.

I can't tell if you live close or too far away , but the best way together the stationery, stamps to her is to either bring or ship small thinking of you gifts to all of the children and put your first letter/card in her box ( not bag)
Put cards in the other two as well with a nominal amount of money so no favoritism is noticed.

That would be my beginning plan. You are fantastic, most extended family stays out of domestic issues. The fact you want to encourage and support her is beautiful. I miss my heart children so much I ache.

Prayers to all involved
funhappymom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 9:43 AM

These are all great ideas. Just have a convo with her, like you would do in person. Let her know that you love her and want the best for her.

Quoting Momofmenagerie: You talked to an angry, overwhelmed child by not just sending letters but by including envelopes and stamps maybe themed stationary , too.

Make it clear that what is said between you will not get back to guardians and she can express all she needs to to you.

Tell what you know, what you've seen and heard and make sure she knows you are on her side.

Mix your letters up with serious and light hearted tones so she doesn't "dwell" too much.

Stay away from school topics. Stick to talking about peers, music, books in the midst of letting her know she has a confidant in you.

Encourage her to write you back, but keep writing even if she doesn't .

Do not speak I'll of her guardians because you never, ever know when that will backfire one day. Just focus on HER. Mentioning her guardians and the letter is intercepted, it could all be blown to pieces. SHE may discuss the living situation all she wants, but you need to be careful in avoiding out and out wording re: guardians . Use words like living situation, stressful.... General words, however you should emote your feelings for HER as much as possible.

My niece and nephew ( my heart children)are also in a bad way, but if I'm not very careful, I will be ignored during their most trying times.

This is a tread carefully type of situation, but her knowing that you are HERS is a wonderful gift to this hurting child.

I can't tell if you live close or too far away , but the best way together the stationery, stamps to her is to either bring or ship small thinking of you gifts to all of the children and put your first letter/card in her box ( not bag)
Put cards in the other two as well with a nominal amount of money so no favoritism is noticed.

That would be my beginning plan. You are fantastic, most extended family stays out of domestic issues. The fact you want to encourage and support her is beautiful. I miss my heart children so much I ache.

Prayers to all involved


Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:30 AM

This is great. Just constantly reassure her how much you love her. How proud of her you are. Ask her to share with you her talents or passions and encourage them. Encourage her in all things. Remind her of her value as a person and be patient with her. 

Good luck

Quoting Momofmenagerie: You talked to an angry, overwhelmed child by not just sending letters but by including envelopes and stamps maybe themed stationary , too.

Make it clear that what is said between you will not get back to guardians and she can express all she needs to to you.

Tell what you know, what you've seen and heard and make sure she knows you are on her side.

Mix your letters up with serious and light hearted tones so she doesn't "dwell" too much.

Stay away from school topics. Stick to talking about peers, music, books in the midst of letting her know she has a confidant in you.

Encourage her to write you back, but keep writing even if she doesn't .

Do not speak I'll of her guardians because you never, ever know when that will backfire one day. Just focus on HER. Mentioning her guardians and the letter is intercepted, it could all be blown to pieces. SHE may discuss the living situation all she wants, but you need to be careful in avoiding out and out wording re: guardians . Use words like living situation, stressful.... General words, however you should emote your feelings for HER as much as possible.

My niece and nephew ( my heart children)are also in a bad way, but if I'm not very careful, I will be ignored during their most trying times.

This is a tread carefully type of situation, but her knowing that you are HERS is a wonderful gift to this hurting child.

I can't tell if you live close or too far away , but the best way together the stationery, stamps to her is to either bring or ship small thinking of you gifts to all of the children and put your first letter/card in her box ( not bag)
Put cards in the other two as well with a nominal amount of money so no favoritism is noticed.

That would be my beginning plan. You are fantastic, most extended family stays out of domestic issues. The fact you want to encourage and support her is beautiful. I miss my heart children so much I ache.

Prayers to all involved


LancesMom
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:50 AM

You may also want to talk to your brother about what you seeing. Point out instances he can relate to! You sound like a great Aunt!


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iamcafemom83
by Mariah on Jan. 13, 2014 at 12:10 PM
I would start amd end each time.with how much you love her. How smart she is, how wonderful she is. Ask her about school and her friends and how her brother and sister are.what her interests are...sports...movies...etc...
Let her know that she can call you anytime if she wants.
Mrseoc
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:06 PM

Poor girl.

I'm probably not going to be much help. I was an angry young child around her age. I wish someone would have told me that it gets easier when you get older. It's easier to choose who to be around and it's easier to get away from those you wish to not be around. That bad people can rub on off you and make you feel like your a bad person, but your not. It takes maturity to realize that. Tell her that until she is older, she needs to hang in there and not let her step mother get the better of her. Reassure her that she is a good person. Maybe be an outlet for her. Find something she's into that you can do with her, or help her to do (cooking, sports, dance, musical instrument, girl scouts). Help her find a purpose, something to distract her from the  negative. I think finding hobbies gives young children an escape from their emotions. At that age emotions can be very overwhelming... and outlet is essential.

Dont forget to let her know she can always talk to you.. email, facebook, phone calls, texts, letters, post cards. Remind her you care.  Good luck with her :)

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jan. 13, 2014 at 10:37 PM
Well said but I wouldn't leave out school altogether. Be encouraging there as well. :)

Quoting Momofmenagerie: You talked to an angry, overwhelmed child by not just sending letters but by including envelopes and stamps maybe themed stationary , too.



Make it clear that what is said between you will not get back to guardians and she can express all she needs to to you.



Tell what you know, what you've seen and heard and make sure she knows you are on her side.



Mix your letters up with serious and light hearted tones so she doesn't "dwell" too much.



Stay away from school topics. Stick to talking about peers, music, books in the midst of letting her know she has a confidant in you.



Encourage her to write you back, but keep writing even if she doesn't .



Do not speak I'll of her guardians because you never, ever know when that will backfire one day. Just focus on HER. Mentioning her guardians and the letter is intercepted, it could all be blown to pieces. SHE may discuss the living situation all she wants, but you need to be careful in avoiding out and out wording re: guardians . Use words like living situation, stressful.... General words, however you should emote your feelings for HER as much as possible.



My niece and nephew ( my heart children)are also in a bad way, but if I'm not very careful, I will be ignored during their most trying times.



This is a tread carefully type of situation, but her knowing that you are HERS is a wonderful gift to this hurting child.



I can't tell if you live close or too far away , but the best way together the stationery, stamps to her is to either bring or ship small thinking of you gifts to all of the children and put your first letter/card in her box ( not bag)

Put cards in the other two as well with a nominal amount of money so no favoritism is noticed.



That would be my beginning plan. You are fantastic, most extended family stays out of domestic issues. The fact you want to encourage and support her is beautiful. I miss my heart children so much I ache.



Prayers to all involved
Raindelay
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:28 PM
So much good advice already. I think the most important is unconditional love.
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