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Saw Male dance teacher grab my 4 year Old Inappropriately-Am I being too Sensitive? We quit!

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:22 PM
  • 376 Replies
1 mom liked this

It was my daughter's 4th birthday, she'd had a cupcake, no nap and was caught up rough-housing with 2 boys right before her class started. She started running around on all fours, "like a tiger". I was trying to talk her out of it, as was another mom and female teacher. She turned and "ran" down a short hall to a dance studio full of kids. As I turned the corner, I saw the one Male teacher,@20 something, bent over her, grabbing her between her legs with his right hand and left hand grabbing her shoulder, seeming to be picking her up. To be specific, his middle finger was exactly where her private parts are covered by tights and leotard. Our eyes met, he took off and said nothing, I grabbed my daughter and attempting to restrain her a little and calm her down enough to get her in her classroom. I had to leave(I'm still shaking as I write this) to give my friend her carseat, but came right back, looked for him and stared him down across the studio floor. I decided I would talk to the director as soon as possible, that I was pissed it looked like he had deliberately grabbed her in her crotch. I called my partner, who came immediately to the dance studio, and I also told one of the Dads I'm friends with who was waiting there. When my partner got there, I told the director what I saw and that I wanted to confrront him about it. She looked at me in disbelief, said that there was No way he would have done that on purpose. She said he'd been coming there since he was 3, 17 years. I was pretty hysterical and accused him of molesting her, pretty much. He said nothing and fought back tears himself. We asked about policies they might have about teachers picking children up, or male teachers specifically, as I'd known in preschools I'd heard of.  My daughter didn't see any of this, but when she came to that studio I wanted her to leave, but she wanted to stay. My partner agreed to stay and watch her, but I had to leave and go cry at home.

After class I was told that the director let my partner know that this teacher had "special needs" and she believed he just didn't know that what he did was wrong. He'd said he was just trying to keep her from running into the studio. I saw it as an opportunity for him to grab a little girl where he shouldn't.

I haven't talked to any of my mom friends about it. I wonder if I am over reacting? Or should I call the police and file a report? Am I reacting to my emotions and fear of her ever being violated? We spoke to her male martial ats teacher who said it could've been a real mistake and that he never heard anything bad about the studio. Should I post on our local parents network warning parents? I had to think awhile if I'd bring her back and decided No way. My partner was willing to accept it as an honest mistake. I just can't do it.

What would you do?

by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:22 PM
Replies (1-10):
leanntx
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:24 PM
16 moms liked this
It was a mistake. He shouldn't have grabbed her the way he did, but it was still only a mistake.
waytomanykids10
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:28 PM
34 moms liked this
Wow I think you are totaaly overreacting. He probably didn't mean to grab her like that.
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scraphappy12
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:29 PM
19 moms liked this
I agree. Calm down and watch your kid better. Edit to mention I agree with the previous posters. Not you.
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amanda.lyn
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Kids that age can be wiggly. Maybe it really was an honest mistake. Especially if he knew you were there, what kind of an idiot would really do that? Risk his job and reputation right in front of you...that seems really stupid. But I didn't see it, you did. Good luck.
amberNewman0213
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:35 PM
23 moms liked this
Why do they have a person with special needs specifically a male who wouldn't understand that is inappropriate to touch a child like that teaching kids!

I'd be outraged. If he don't know that's wrong and can't understand that he don't need to work there with the kids. Period.

I'm all for special needs learning and being able to hold jobs and such. I use to help special needs children learn these skills. And even I would not allow a special needs adult alone to teach children like that if I knew they could not understand or follow guideline about proper handleing with the children especially grabbing/touching/etc. Not just for this reason but also because they may not realize what they are doing and someone can get hurt.


I'd be outraged not so much at the teacher(even though I would still be mad) but more or less at the director for her lack of responsibility in properly watching/caring for the special needs student while in her studio.
MissTacoBell
by Silver Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:51 PM
195 moms liked this
If she was standing still you would completely and rightfully expect an adult (especially a male) to place his hands appropriately when restraining a child.

But your child was being a little hellion so not still at all. This kid has been attending practically all his life and knows the rules. He was trying to restrain her from FURTHER disrupting the dancers in the studio.

Do you imagine that he was suddenly a predator waiting in that room on the off chance a little girl wandered in then instinctively put his hand on her crotch? I mean seriously?

To be honest, leave if its so important, but don't you dare ruin this guys life or this dance studio over these preposterous imagined offenses.

If this guy is a special needs guy and this has been his safe haven and rock since childhood don't you dare screw that up. It means more to him than anything you've ever had in your whole lifetime.

Oh and how about this: if your child had sweets AND no nap and you know it's going to make her difficult to control, DONT TAKE HER OUT TO DANCE CLASS! Other kids and the instructor should not have to suffer her poor behavior so you can chit chat with other soccer moms. And "suggested" she stop? Are you her friend or her mother? You don't "suggest" anything to your kid. You tell them what to do and if they don't listen they face music.

Sorry, but you're hardcore overreacting and contributing to the stigma that males in positions of authority in the sphere of children experience. He's not a rapist, you're a terrible parent.
MissTacoBell
by Silver Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:54 PM
67 moms liked this
Special needs does not make you a second class citizen or a pedophile. It's dehumanizing to say: you're special needs so we can't risk you being near kids you might molest them because you're stupid and don't know any better.

You're the people who keep me awake nights terrified of my special needs sons future.

Quoting amberNewman0213: Why do they have a person with special needs specifically a male who wouldn't understand that is inappropriate to touch a child like that teaching kids!



I'd be outraged. If he don't know that's wrong and can't understand that he don't need to work there with the kids. Period.



I'm all for special needs learning and being able to hold jobs and such. I use to help special needs children learn these skills. And even I would not allow a special needs adult alone to teach children like that if I knew they could not understand or follow guideline about proper handleing with the children especially grabbing/touching/etc. Not just for this reason but also because they may not realize what they are doing and someone can get hurt.





I'd be outraged not so much at the teacher(even though I would still be mad) but more or less at the director for her lack of responsibility in properly watching/caring for the special needs student while in her studio.
funmommy123
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 6:59 PM
2 moms liked this
I think you are over reacting.
katiebug840204
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Agreed

Quoting waytomanykids10: Wow I think you are totaaly overreacting. He probably didn't mean to grab her like that.
The_Doodle
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:02 PM
16 moms liked this

It was a mistake. He was trying to stop her and if she was running on all fours, I can see why he would grab her like that. Maybe at the most I would suggest to the other directors to teach him how to handle an out of control child so that he is not in this position again when he was just trying to help....because let's face it, if she was doing what you said, she was out of control and shouldn't have even been at the studio.

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