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Need advice,relationship is in a rut.please help.

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM
  • 5 Replies
Hello:) My name is Tish, im 25, from Oklahoma, i have 4 kids from previous relationships, almost a year ago i met RJ, we met online and started talking on the phone,text,skype, etc. quickly fell in love. We have been together since may and living together since july. Everything was perfect for awhile and although im still in the first stage, wanting affection and closeness, it seems hes not and it hurts,i thought i could ignore it until last night when i couldnt stop from crying. I couldnt tell you the last time we held hands,cuddled, have no clue when he last touched my arm or back just cause. Weve kissed maybe twice in the past week. The only time we get close or touch is when we get sexual. Its like we're just roommates, ive tried talking to him about it and he told me hed work on it,its only gotten worse. idk what to do, it hurts i feel like he doesnt want me, or something. and i dont wanna push the issue anymore cause i want him to WANT to be close to me and not just because i say something. I guess im coming here today for some advice. any? idk i just cant keep hurting, cant keep hiding the tears
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM
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Replies (1-5):
ElleLuvsOrchids
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 10:48 PM

It sounds like you need couples therapy to get to the bottom things.  It could be that he is growing distant from you and either does not want to or has no idea how to bridge the gap.  Either way you need help so you can either save the relationship or part ways sooner rather than later.  There's no need to drag out a break up if that's where things are headed.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 11:12 PM

4 kids and only 25?? Do you have a history of jumping into relationships? Are they all living with you? I would suggest just concentrating on raising them and not switching dad figures, it's really hard for kids. In your current relationship it's possible that the infatuation and bloom of first love has gone it's natural course and he's just being his not cuddley self, a lot of men aren't touchy feeley.. I'd be more worried if he wasn't talking with you about the future and happy to be home with you, do you still feel loved?

funhappymom
by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:18 AM

Are you initiating anything with him? Do you try to hold his hand, try to cuddle, touch him?

In general, men are not touchy, feely creatures, they do it at first because they know that's what many women want and once they 'have' you, they no longer feel like they need to continue. My husband is the same way - once we settled down and got married much of it stopped. I had to talk to him and tell him that while he may not be a touchy, feely person, I was and I needed that. I've also learned to give him grace and not expect it often but when I do, I reach out and touch him.

Relationships are two ways, we can't expect to get everything if we're not willing to give in exchange. Perhaps you need to find out what his love language is show him love in that manner also.

Good luck



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cupcake_mom
by Silver Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:26 AM
My friend has 4 kids and she is only 27, age stated in high school and had all 4 with the same guy! So the fact that she has 4 at 25 doesn't suggest that she jumps from relationship to relationship.

Op, i had the same problem with my df. We had been together for about 2 years and he stopped all physical contact,slowly, but it happened. I talked to him about it and i had to start putting forth the effort. Now after a year of working together on our relationship, we both give each other physical contact often


Quoting Lindalou907:

4 kids and only 25?? Do you have a history of jumping into relationships? Are they all living with you? I would suggest just concentrating on raising them and not switching dad figures, it's really hard for kids. In your current relationship it's possible that the infatuation and bloom of first love has gone it's natural course and he's just being his not cuddley self, a lot of men aren't touchy feeley.. I'd be more worried if he wasn't talking with you about the future and happy to be home with you, do you still feel loved?

strictmomhere
by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:31 AM
Touch him hug him rub his back this helped my marriage
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