Ok so my husband and I have been married for 10 years. We were very young when we got married he was 20 and I was 21. About 7 years ago we hit a really rough patch. He was in the coast guard and he got stationed on a small cutter and he was the only one on his crew that was married. So he was hanging out with nothing but single guys while I stayed home with the baby. He started drinking a lot and our son was only a year old. So I gave him the choice to either quit drinking and going out with the single guys or I was going to leave with our son. He told me he loved me and wanted me to stay he would give it up. So of that's what we did. I stayed, he quit going out with the guys and getting drunk and we worked things out. Let me clarify that I never wanted to actually leave my husband. I always was in love with him but as a responsible parent I felt my only options were to give him those 2 choices. I couldn't have my son growing up in an home with an alcoholic.
Fast forward to last Saturday.....
We were talking to some friends of ours that are getting married this September. They were telling us that they almost split up a year ago and the fact that they stuck it out and worked through it made their relationship stronger and they knew they could make it through things together. So my husband decides to tell them about our rough patch but he then says that 7 years ago when we hit our rough patch that he didn't actually want to stay with me but he did because of our son.
This floored me I had no idea that he didn't actually want to be with me. He never once said this when we were having problems. He always said that he loved me and wanted to be with me. That he wanted to work on our marriage. So I talked to him last night and I told him that I had no idea and he said he is glad he lied because we worked through our problems and he loves me and our life together. That he loves me more than anything. He wasn't trying to hurt my feelings he was just trying to make a point of saying that if you stick it out and don't walk away that things can end up being great.
but all I can think is how many times did he say I love you and not mean it? How many pictures do I have that we're completely fake smiles? How long did I live with a man who didn't want to be with me? Was his drinking really the problem or was he drinking because he was so unhappy with me? I feel like a chunk of our marriage was fake. Am I over reacting or does this warrant more discussion between us?