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Very Stressed about Telling His Mom & Sis

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 12:08 AM
  • 47 Replies
1 mom liked this
I am 7 weeks pregnant with my second! I am very happy! Yet, I feel very nervous when the time comes to share the news with his mother & sister. My SIL is pregnant with her first. My mother in law is the type of person that will never be happy, no one but her children matter, she never thinks before she speaks, & is walking doom & gloom. A real joy to be around. My sil is cut from the same cloth. My mil actually said to me when my sil announced she is having a boy that it was too bad because her baby cant get my daughters things! See the mentality....
I can already hear my mil thinking that im stealing my sil thunder & that i had better not expect another shower. And everyone thinks it is my responsibility to host her shower. Back story is my sil just got married in july. Not only was i totally not included in the wedding, i helped plan/pay for her bacholerette, i paid/created/executed the menu for her surprise bridal shower (which i was told was happening the evening before!), i hand made my daughters flower girl dress for her wedding, i also paid for supplies and executed the wedding flowers & reception centerpieces. Nor was I asked to have my pic taken with her in the special garden where she had pics with all of the other women.
What do I do? Im not going to announce this pregnancy until I know for sure all is healthy. I become so anxious about announcing this news that I want to runaway & keep this treasured experience to myself. Their negativity just infuriates me. Im an anxious mess.
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 12:08 AM
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by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 5:54 AM
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Just wait until they notice.

by Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 6:02 AM
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Have your DH tell them when your not around. And quit letting people that you don't like hurt your feelings. If you and DH are happy, then why do you care what they think? I certainly wouldn't do anymore for either of them since they didn't appreciate all you did for the wedding. Stop stressing and. Focus on the people in your life that you love and who love you.
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 6:05 AM
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Mil c a n do the shower for her daughter. Marrying into a family doesn't make you their indentured servant.
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 6:18 AM
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Have dh tell them. And have him tell his mother he and his wife are not paying for a shower. As grandmother, SHE can do it. Besides, I'm old school, one only had a baby shower for the 1st child or if there had been like 8-10 years (or more) between babies. So you shouldn't have a shower.

How your dh sat back and let you get disrespected at the wedding like that makes my jaw fall open. 

And next---eff 'em. Don't drag their negativity into your family, and expect the same from your dh.

by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:09 AM
They sound like such a treat. I wouldn't bother with them. Make your hubby tell them. Its His family. And your a bigger person than I am bc i wouldn't do shit for either one of them.
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 9:44 AM
It makes me so sad. Because they are the only family I have, besides the child I brought into the world. So more back story: I am adopted. Both my adoptive parents were alcholics, they lost custody of me when I was 14, my adoptive mother's mother took me in & raised me from then. 4 years ago when I gave birth to my first, my savior & my true parent, my beloved Gram passed away suddenly a month after my daughters birth. Now Im pregnant with # 2 & my mother is in hospice, dying from stage 4 lung cancer that has metastisized to the brain. My father is battling prostrate cancer & lives in assisted living & I got a letter on monday that my father is being evicted due to guardian issues/missing money.
I have way too much going on. And his mother & sister are very aware of what im facing. They never check in on me. They never ask how im doing. Im always the one reaching out, trying. I feel very stuck. I live in another state, away from where all my friends are. I have one close friend here. I truly want to runaway & experience this pregnancy away from anyone that even breathes negativity towards me. I had a terrible pregnancy with my daughter & i want this experience to me different. Hopefuly, better. I just want to cry. And I do everyday. I thought in my adult life family relations would be different, but it is worse. At least I knew how to deal with alcholics. Im not prepared to deal with people that are not & never be happy.
by Queen of the World on Jan. 29, 2014 at 9:50 AM
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So don't deal with them. Don't do shit for them and definitely not pay for showers and parties for these people.

Pregnant people do not need that kind of stress and you definitely don't need it on top of everything else that is going on.
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 10:06 AM
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I would not share my happy news with negative people hugs just share with people that love you :)
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by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 10:50 AM
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You need to detach yourself emotionally from their negative opinions, comments and behaviors.  They probably suffer from some sort of mental illness or mood disorder.  Just accept that they are odd and don't take things personally.  Letting their negativity infuriate you is to allow yourself to get wrapped up into their issues.  Realize it isn't about you and you control the degree to which you become involved in their drama.  Spend as little time with them as possible and as much time as you can with positive, uplifting people.

by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 12:47 PM
I agree, that I have to surround myself with
people I love & understand me. And keep me calm & laughing. There are days when I wish I never agreed to move here, away from everyone I love, my friends, his friends, my family. I feel like I walked into the Lair of the Matriarch of Doom & Gloom. And now I just found out she is coming this weekend!!! Im just going to say i got the flu & hide in my room until she goes back home.
Has anyone heard of pregnancy support groups? A safe place for pregnant woman to meet & vent? Im a 39 year old, educated woman who feels like she is drowning & needs more support this pregnancy. My last pregnancy, I leaned heavily on my Grandmother. I called her so many times a day. Now she is gone. And im lost & anxious... Deep breaths....
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