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"Issue" with invitations...WWYD? ETA (green)

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2014 at 5:36 PM
  • 19 Replies

If you are to be hosting a big (50-100 people) party of only family & close friends, but you have issues with a certain family member(s)- would you invite that family member(s) just to make TWO other people in the family happy?

BTW- the party is for YOU & BF & being hosted & paid for by YOU & BF.

I want my brother at this party. I haven't seen him since October (he was in the service & then got honorably discharged & has moved from the east coast to mid-America). And the time before that was Christmas 2008. TBH he & I aren't that close anymore but he is my brother. My mom & dad would be devastated if I did not at least invite him.

I don't get along at all with my SIL (this is why my brother & I aren't close anymore). Nor do I know my nieces & nephews well enough to want them at this party. The party will also include my own children, my boyfriend's children, his nieces & nephews (who he is close with), plus children of close friends (who I see at least once a month).

SO... do I save face & invite the whole family (like my BF suggested), even though SIL & I can't stand to be in the same room together (it's been an ongoing "fight" since she married my brother)??

Or do I just invite my brother hoping he will come yet knowing if his wife & kids aren't invited he may not?

I'd rather not go into detail as to why we don't get along. Let's just say we can't even stand being in the same room without there being tension- even if we aren't near each other or talk to each other.

ETA: Thank you ladies for your advice. As someone put it "it's not exactly an intimate affair"... well actually it IS. BF & I are planning our wedding & reception. As I said- we are paying for it ourselves. As far as family goes the ONLY family invited on my side are my parents & my brothers (2 total- one being the one that I have mentioned in this post). My other brother has no kids & is not married (but has been with a girl for 2 years now). And BF's family is HUGE (he is the oldest of 5 kids himself) so there will be a TON from his side of the family there. The rest of the invitees are people we know from church & a few close friends. So it is really an intimate affair. 

But again... thank you for the advice... I am taking it into consideration.


by on Jan. 30, 2014 at 5:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rainch
by on Jan. 30, 2014 at 5:41 PM
1 mom liked this
I have a very similar relationship with my brother and SIL. I would invite everyone. Chances are she won't go. Also your brother may not come as well, but at least you know you invited them.
CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2014 at 5:44 PM

That's what BF said... at least I invited them & if my brother doesn't come it's on him not me.

Quoting rainch: I have a very similar relationship with my brother and SIL. I would invite everyone. Chances are she won't go. Also your brother may not come as well, but at least you know you invited them.


a_and_j_momma
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:08 PM
Sounds like there will be enough people that if they are invited, you can avoid them
illogicalkat
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:22 PM

I would invite them, if she dislikes you as much as you dislike her, she won't even bother showing up.

tyfry7496
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:26 PM
Be the bigger person and invite all of them. Not inviting your SIL and their kids might just push your brother further away.
Aslen
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:26 PM
I'm with everyone else. Invite them all. If need be, have an honest talk with your bro. Basically, tell him you'll behave if she does.

If they don't come, its not your fault; they were invited like everyone else
atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 1:49 AM
Invite them. Would be nice for your kids to see their cousins.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Avarah
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 9:07 AM
It's never appropriate to invite just half of a couple.
SweetLuci
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 9:40 AM

 Be an adult about this. Surely you can control your emotions for a few hours. If you don't, you will be the reason for further discord. To invite your brother alone is not an answer. Take the high road, invite them, then if they don't accept, they will be the talk of the family. If they accept, be gracious. Do not talk to anyone else behind their back. You must want to get to know your neices and nephews. If so, this is a way to do it. Smile and be friendly. Then people will be talking about how you are so much better than her. lol

AbbeysMom2013
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 9:58 AM
Haha same thing going on for my daughters 1st birthday. We managed to get up to 50 people. My husband doesn't get along with his mom or his sister and doesn't want to invite them. I have always encourage him to have a relationship with them so our daughter knows her whole family. Right before Christmas we had a small get together, his mother and his sisters two kids had the flu and didn't tell anyone. So my 7month old got her first sickness and was so miserable. I have no respect for anyone who doesn't respect my child. We are on the fence about inviting them.
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