Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

SAHM's Do you ever feel guilty?

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2014 at 10:46 AM
  • 34 Replies

I'm 25 years old and I have a 4month old daughter. Before I was pregnant, I had racked up some credit card debt and was actively trying to pay it off, working full time as a manager at CVS. I didn't get paid great but I made enough that I could save some and still pay my bills. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped making more than the minimum on my bills so that all of my money could go into savings. i saved a decent amount. In my 8th month I went on disability because I fell and was getting shitty money from disability. Almost all of the money that I had saved went to my bills during that time. Now I'm at SAHM. Thankfully my boyfriend makes great money and is able to pay all of his bills, my bills, our rent and still have money to save. He gave me the debit card to his account so that I can do what I need to do- pay bills, go food shopping and whatever else I want to. He says to use the card as if it were my own, if I want to get my hair done, nails done, buy some clothes etc I can use it. But I can't. I feel SO guilty buying things that I want and don't need with the card. He says it's not his money it's our money and he likes that he is able to provide for our family until I finish school and get a job. I just feel like I should be saving that money and not spending it unless I'm food shopping or buying diapers and things for the baby. even if I do see some jeans I like, or a pair of sneakers or to go get my eyebrows waxed and a $10 pedicure I just can't bring myself to do it.

Do any of you feel this way?

by on Jan. 31, 2014 at 10:46 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:04 AM
3 moms liked this

I'd recommend going with your feelings on this.  Perhaps allow yourself some basics - such as the eyebrow waxing- but since you are doubtful, listen to your instincts.

KristinD1988
by Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:28 AM

That's what I've been doing. My BF always asks me how come I never go and do anything for myself and I tell him that I don't need anything and I don't want to spend his money and he says but it's 'our money" and that this is never going to work unless I spend on myself sometimes. 

Quoting Bmat:

I'd recommend going with your feelings on this.  Perhaps allow yourself some basics - such as the eyebrow waxing- but since you are doubtful, listen to your instincts.


waytomanykids10
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm married so no I do not feel guilty. If it was just a boyfriend then yeah, I would. 

strictmomhere
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:49 AM
It will take time for you to adjust but you will and will be able to buy what you need as well start small like waxing it will get easier:)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KristinD1988
by Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:50 AM

I guess I'm going to feel guilty forever because we don't ever plan on getting married haha

Quoting waytomanykids10:

I'm married so no I do not feel guilty. If it was just a boyfriend then yeah, I would. 


kbutton24
by on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:53 AM
No I don't. What my husband makes is our money. However, last year we sat down and wrote out a plan to pay off 100% of our debt, including cars, and to save enough for a down payment on a house. We're almost there but that meant cutting out all extras for the last year.
luvbugs3
by Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:56 AM

I don't, but I would if I was in your situation probably.

DH and I planned for many years how this would play out, we had no debt, and I worked and saved money for many years.  We planned to have kids when we could afford for me to stay home with them.  I did give up getting new clothes and fancy things for my kids but If I need some stuff I will buy it. 

Randi02
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:00 PM

This. I'm a SAHM, and the money he earns is our money. I raise our kids, I clean and take care of our home, I cook etc. so I definitely don't feel guilty.

It would be different if we were not married, though. 

Quoting waytomanykids10:

I'm married so no I do not feel guilty. If it was just a boyfriend then yeah, I would. 


KristinD1988
by Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:04 PM

I'm sure that we would have done the same. We were paying off our debt and saving for a down payment for a house. Once debt was gone and we had the house, I'm sure that we would have considered having children then. However, birth control doesn't work 100% and this was unexpected so plans changed. 

Quoting luvbugs3:

I don't, but I would if I was in your situation probably.

DH and I planned for many years how this would play out, we had no debt, and I worked and saved money for many years.  We planned to have kids when we could afford for me to stay home with them.  I did give up getting new clothes and fancy things for my kids but If I need some stuff I will buy it. 


luvbugs3
by Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:09 PM

I know.

I was not trying to judge or anything. I just think I would probably feel the way you do if that was my situation.  Mine just happens to be different. so I don't feel that way.  Maybe I just gave too many details. sorry.

Quoting KristinD1988:

I'm sure that we would have done the same. We were paying off our debt and saving for a down payment for a house. Once debt was gone and we had the house, I'm sure that we would have considered having children then. However, birth control doesn't work 100% and this was unexpected so plans changed. 

Quoting luvbugs3:

I don't, but I would if I was in your situation probably.

DH and I planned for many years how this would play out, we had no debt, and I worked and saved money for many years.  We planned to have kids when we could afford for me to stay home with them.  I did give up getting new clothes and fancy things for my kids but If I need some stuff I will buy it. 



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)