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Step Parent Discipline- toddler tantrum

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:22 AM
  • 8 Replies
This is a vent as well as advice seeking- it was gradpa's birthday yesterday. Grandparents had given daycare after k5's school day and child hadn't done homework yet during dinner out. Child's father has been working on child eating salad before her meal and child had a salad in front of her. Child was already upset because she had a sheet of homework to get done with at the fancy dinner. It was already 7- bedtime starts at eight usually. Thats the triggers.

Child started throwing tantrum at table about salad and father was being firm. Grandfather stepped in and told child she didn't have to eat salad and that he would buy her doughnuts if she behaved. Tantrum continued, of course, and father gave up trying to discipline when grandfather told him to just "give here what she wants to avoid the tantrum" in the restaurant. So the fit really gets going and she throws a knife. I removed the child from the table and took her to the waiting area for the needed separation. Of course then the tantrum completely breaks and hitting, kicking, screaming etc ensues.

Father comes out, angry with me, and holds daughter. Daughter tells dad I scratched her- which is a complete lie, and goes back to the table. So, now I am the bad guy to everyone and they are all blaming me for ruining Grandfather's birthday dinner. It is so tense I stayed at a hotel last night- seriously.

Father disciplines my children from a prior marriage, btw. So I am confused. Grandfather doesn't allow for discipline and I just don't quite know what to do. I feel like daughter will walk all over father when grandparents are around because she knows he won't be allowed to parent and daughter will make me out to be a terrible person to her father and grandparents to avoid being disciplined by me. Ahhhhh!
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:22 AM
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Replies (1-8):
lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:27 AM

father should have taken DD outside and talked to her. Laid down the law. Its Grand fathers B'day dinner. You will not be ruining it. Go inside eat and act like a Lady.

Bleacheddecay
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:30 AM

You should have just left it alone if even her father is not allowed to be a parent to her.

I would not allow someone to parent my child, then they not allow me to parent theirs and we are in a relationship.

You can't fix this. The father has to step up or remove the child from the grandparents or she will be completely spoiled.

There is no way you can "win" in this situation and to be honest EVERYONE is losing. Kids need firm consequences for actions without them they are very unhappy and insecure.

Homework for a toddler?!? Wow.

emmy526
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:31 AM

how old is the child?

othermom
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:42 AM

The father should have taken the child outside when she started to behave like. 

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:51 AM

Well, In this case I side with the grandparents. they KNEW tonight was not the night for "telling DD what to do." I think everyone was asking a lot of this little girl and she lost it. We can ONLY handle what we can handle. It was silly that father was making a fuss about salad when the important thing was keeping the peace, making the night easy and enjoyable for everyone. DD was tired, done, still had work to do (was she anxious about that?) and the whole scene, I agree with grandfather, was unecessary.  Think HE was looking to keep the peace by adding an incentive to eat the salad so the fuss would go away... It sounds like DD was done. I agree taking her out of the restaurant when she started to lose it more was appropriate. But I believe that it was done in anger and not out of childs preservation or other diners enjoyment. 

Im guessing that father just didnt think it was at that point.. Or saw the "knife throwing" as less of a threat and more of a blowing off steam. 

I think the issue lies in the fact that some parents like to add fuel to the fire in disciplining their kids and others look to diffuse the fire. I think you and father see things different (as most people do) and the two of you need to figure out a better way.. (Im one for diffusing, like grandpa...) 


atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:56 AM
This

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

father should have taken DD outside and talked to her. Laid down the law. Its Grand fathers B'day dinner. You will not be ruining it. Go inside eat and act like a Lady.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
strictmomhere
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:32 AM
That would not fly with me grandfather was wrong:(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
raquel1982
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:01 AM
Lots of different opinions here, and thus the disagreement on everyone's part at the dinner table. It was a lot to expect of her.

She is in a program that assigns homework every night. It is actually quite common in this area, though I don't think homework is really needed at that age.

Who knows- it happened. I won't be saying peep about fits at the table anymore. She can throw all the fits she wants, clearly I am not supposed to deal with them.

And as for my own kids, if they want to throw a public fit, I will still remove them from the table until they calm down.
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